We've just taken the MIL from a nursing home to live with us. She has dementia but still loves life and her family. If we left here in the nursing home it was like we were passing a death sentence. How can I best prepare now for my own long term care arrangements?
Is there any reason you took your MIL out of the facility to live with you? I'm just curious why you thought you were passing a death sentence. Dementia is a terminal illness, so it will progress, regardless of where she is living. I suppose that all cases are different, but many dementia patients receive excellent care in Memory Care units and other facilities. From my personal experience, most families' efforts to keep dementia patients in the home is extremely challenging, due to the constant supervision and high level of anxiety involved with round the clock care. What has been your experience so far?
Caring for your MIL in your home should give you a good idea if that is something you would want your kids to do for your down the road, if the need arises. Based on my experience with dementia in my family, I would not want my family to try to care for me in the home. I don't think it's fair and I would want them to have a normal life, which is not possible with a dementia patient in the home, IMO. I want my family to know I feel this way. There seems to be so much guilt with so many people about getting seniors and the disabled the care they need, I want to make sure they don't feel guilty if they do that for me.
I wish you and your family all the best.
I also hope that you have a doctor or at least a nurse who can provide home based health care. My mother tried to grab the steering wheel and attack the driver if we try to take her anywhere, so it's good that she's in the NH where the 4 bouts of pneumonia she's had in the past 19 months were able to be treated.
And that you've got podiatry, dental and opthamologist services on call. Also religious personnel who can give spiritual comfort a couple of times a week. And ice cream socials and barbecues.
MIL was in nursing home for rehab to help her walking. When evaluation meeting happened the medical staff explained that she couldn't remember OT or PT lessons from day to day so every day was "starting over" with her. 2 of her children wanted her to stay and 2 others didn't think she was ready yet as she has no other health issues and took her out of where she had made it clear for years that she never wanted to be,
I had saved for decades for a nice retirement, hopefully do a lot of travel, but that line item has been scratched off.... it wasn't until I started to get older myself that I realize that money will be used for a roof over my head.
In fact, I have no qualms about going into an Assisted Living/nursing home facility. I will welcome someone else doing all the cleaning and cooking :) And being around people of my own age group, and to be able to have some new BFF's.
That oughta do me until I am unable to live alone. I have health issues so I would be surprised if I lived past my ability to take care of myself sans a disabling stroke or a need for hospice.
My POA knows my wishes in that event -- nice nursing home.
Right now Irrevocable Trusts seem awesome for asset protection but also have major restrictions if you still need the money inside of them so consulting a professional is wise.
Long Term Health Insurance, like all insurance is a gamble slightly weighted on the side if the insurer so they can make a profit and stay in business. If it helps you sleep at night then for that sake alone, it is worth looking into.
Setting up a Durable POA with someone you trust is a great idea so decisions can still effectively be made about you even when you can no longer make them.
I pretty much advocate talking with a professional. I'm a CPA by trade and did a ton of web-research before talking with a trust advisor regarding my dad and found that I'd discovered a lot of the highlights but very few of the important details, as well as having missed some "gotcha" points altogether.
I bought a little home that could be easily modified in order to accommodate her now and myself in the future, and I have been putting money into upgrades like steel roofing today in case the money is less abundant in the future. I moved into town so we would be closer to doctors, and shops and other services less available in the country. My plan is to sell and move to an independent living community in the city at age 75, beyond that will depend on my health and finances. I have no kids, and although I have nephews and a niece I have no illusions about them taking care of me in the way I am caring for my mother.
When it comes to doctors, being in a metro area comes in handy, you have more than one doctor to choose for a specially. You have more than one Assisted Living and/or nursing home to choose. A ton of pharmacies. Lot of taxi companies if need be. And EMT's only minutes away.
Live healthier and longer and it will help you in your old age (Writing that, I almost feel like Mr. Spock with the Vulcan motto "Live long and prosper.")
Also, be aware of osteopenia and osteoporosis and the recommended calcium levels as well as weight bearing exercises to counteract the devastating bone thinning effects.
Her heart doc said her walking on the treadmill and changing her diet to more good fats (omega3s, olive, coconut oils) with low GI veggies, baked/grilled chicken and fish and low sugar fruits along with her meds probably saved her life many times over despite the health issues. When said the treadmill walking and other active exercise helped grow new blood vessels in/around her heart I was stunned. She said it has a similar effect on the brain as well and that's why they stress exercise so much for recovery of heart attacks and other heart/brain events. She also said stress management and thought life is crucial. The PCP told me try to avoid diabetes to reduce having so many issues that often come with it (blindness, vascular disease, kidney decline, heart, amputation and dementia). She said eat more fruits and veggies, fish and reduce carbs (especially white ones, processed stuff) and sugar along with moderate cardio/strength training most days of the week is the best prevention. Not rocket science but to hear her many docs say the same things made an impression. They said it reduces health care costs, enabling them to live independently longer with a greater quality of life.
I absolutely DO NOT want my son or any of his family taking me into their home and caring for me as I have done for my parents. The greatest gift I can leave to my son and his family is their freedom. You never know how precious freedom is until you lose it to the daily responsibilities of caregiving.