How do caregivers deal with excessive doctor appointments?

We have had many past posts saying ‘Look very carefully at those appointments. Many times they are not necessary'. The doctor/s, perhaps in the past, said ‘I’ll need to see you in a month’s time’ – or 3 months or 6 months – and the appointments kept being made long after they were needed. Sometimes nothing would be done, no matter what turned up in the check – the possible procedure would be too distressing, risky, probably not worth it. Sometimes specialist appointments are made, when the GP could do basic monitoring at the same time as another appointment, and only send you on to the specialist if necessary. Your parents could book a double appointment, where both their needs are looked at without the need for two separate visits. Someone posted “If the doctor’s opening words are ‘what are you here for today’ ", a repeat appointment probably wasn’t necessary. Don’t go with what your parents say – they may actually like the multiple appointments. They see more of you, get more outings, life is more interesting, and they get to obsess about themselves.

Kathryn, at age 24 if you are organising appointments 5 days of the week, you have no time for a life of your own. No time to work, study, date, have fun … in fact do anything worthwhile to set up your own life. If this is the level of care that your parents genuinely need (and it probably isn’t) they need to pay for some sort of care that doesn’t involve ruining you. Be a bit more hard-nosed about this. An old expression says 'the life you need to save may be your own'.

Kathryn, I think this may anger you, but perhaps someone needs to say it. You were adopted when your parents were in their 50s, and you have one sibling who is 25 years older than you and largely absent. The way you write makes it seem possible that your parents have brought you up to think that you are responsible for their care. At worst, that is why they adopted you.

Your parents certainly have some health issues. However the way it reads is that these are not overwhelmingly heavy. In fact if they did require an around-the-clock carer, you would not be able to do it for two people. You wouldn’t be able to take them out three times a week for serious physiotherapy, even if it was 'yes, a help'. You are doing what they ask. It would be a very very good idea if you could get an independent assessment of their care needs, in order to see if what you are doing is the best for them and for you. This level of care time commitment is not something that anyone should just drift into, at the cost of writing off their own needs at the age of 24.

Why not get an independent assessment? Not just from one health professional, because of course they will say that what you are doing is a good idea for the part of the problem that they deal with. What you really need is an assessment of the total situation.

You can cut back on these appointments. With my mom, her doctors were always saying things like "come back in 3 months" or 4 or 6. For NO reason. I stopped making those appointments after I saw what an utter and complete waste of time most of them were. Instead, I started making appointments when they were NEEDED. Not just to "check in".

There are PT services that can come to the home. Do that ASAP. I have used Genesis' Vitality to You. The patient does not need to be homebound as Home Health Services requires.

At your very young age, you need to start living your own life. You are not their slave. Your brother is right to say no. Your parents would be much better off, especially for you, if they were in AL.

Also can try to get appointments on the same day when you really have to go to one. Really, time to get working on your own life. Do you have a job? If not, that's a good place to start. Or with taking some college courses to build a path to a nice career.

Best of luck.

If one or both of them have chronic, serious medical conditions, they should qualify for palliative care. One of the goals is to decrease doctor appointments and a provider will come to the house, arrange for in-home lab draws, etc. Also, request a home health referral from their primary care physician for nursing/wound care and physical therapy. Be sure to request a social work referral for community resources because you can’t continue this alone.

These folk needs assistance, sure. At present you are it. Living with them in this Assisted Living for Two - with staff of?

What other people come to help them during the week? What services to they have to help out?eg Meals delivery, housecleaning, personal care help?

Mom & Dad can 'age in place' if they can arrange enough support for themselves. But doesn't sound like they can. Sounds more like they are very dependant & in denial.

Make plans for a weekend away. Go visit a friend or something. Sometimes the physical space can help with mental clarity. To see the bigger picture.

Use telehealth visits whenever you can rather than in-person visits. A visiting nurse specializing in wound care can come to the house (my BIL had one for almost 2 years). Use the doctors’ patient portal to make, change and cancel appointments rather than calling on the phone to do it. Check to see if there is transportation in your area based on the Americans With Disabilities Act.

I once experienced a week with 5 appointments.

I advised my LO needed other solutions. A new plan for transport. Maybe Assisted Living where the Doctor came to them.

Then I quit.

PS Then my LO did find other solutions.

Kathryn, how are you a daughter aged 24? Your mother was over 50 when you were born? You are an only child? Why did they choose to have a baby so late in life – I sincerely hope that it wasn’t to provide themselves with a caregiver!

Being in a wheelchair does not in itself mean that either parent needs care. I have worked with ‘wheelies’ long enough to be quite clear about that! Don’t believe that you don’t need a career because you will inherit the house. It’s one more step along the path to insanity.

I am ‘in my late 70s’ and have some quite difficult physical conditions. I cannot imagine expecting either of my daughters (in their late 40s with school age children of their own) to be a live in maid/carer! They are not ‘responsible for me’. That is ridiculous, as it is for you. I think you need to see a counselor to get your head around this bizarre situation.

When my parents, with 15 or so apts a month some months, moved in with me, I asked the Dr here what HE could take over. He is a geriatric Dr and turns out he could take over most of the visits except for the eye Dr and later the cardiologist. Have their dr get them set up for home PT and OT, and that alone should help. And it is past time to let the older sibling know you need help, or you will have to move on/go to school/ whatever. Unless they travel ALL year this is doable, maybe not what they want, but what they NEED to do! You need to be looking ahead at your future, and not be possibly unpaid help. Good luck!

When it became difficult to take my husband to an appointment, I found out that our medical practice of choice could provide care in our home. The nurse practitioner came for a visit every month for three months and then the doctor came on the fourth month. They also provided lab work, x-rays, vaccinations, etc. It made life so much easier. There is also a health service called Dispatch Health (DispatchHealth.com) in many cities. They come to your home and provide many services. They bill your insurance company for the visit.