As a young caregiver at the age of 45 it’s been 3 years since my mom has had two strokes and kinda off and on health care team treatment which she has two test to check out her kidneys cause a kidney specialist said she has 20 percent functioning kidneys but yet when I tried talking to the kidney doctor saying we would follow up with the test she thinks I’m treating her like a child and doesn’t want to get checked out playing with her health and she said she wants a doctor to take risk and not be serious with her. The health care provider has called also trying to get her a urologist as well and she won’t do the appointment. My question is how do you help a senior person over their fears and make sure they get the treatment they need? I tried explaining to her that I don’t want be the person to call 911 for her while she sit around the house being miserable plus crying saying she wants her old self back it’s driving me nuts and getting on my nerves all day. She has diabetes and very dry skin and won’t see a dermatologist either so I’m losing my patience and I was hoping she would sign up for Medicare or with the current health care provider she has I could tell her doctor that we need another caregiver to help out since it’s just me and my dad who also has had a stroke and a heart attack so he can’t do all the house cleaning and so forth! I’ve tried to bring it up to her but she has said no and tried to have my cousin come by and help out once in awhile but she got her own issues and personal life to work out and can’t take care of my mom! I just need personal advice her doctor doesn’t speak a lot English for internal medicine and I want get that changed to another doctor but she just keeps putting things off. So any advice would be helpful and she also forgets things A lot which I heard that a person who’s had strokes could have dementia or Alzheimer’s or symptoms of it if so she may not want test for it. So I’m looking for some sound advice from folks who have been dealing with these kinda issues and how I can get out before I experience burnout again or my own health problems! I know that we all learning to deal with Covid and so forth but I’ve been unable to get back to my life completely and I have plans but all that has been put on hold. I’d love to work again and maybe college again since my school debit is being erased which is great but I’m doubtful that I will get to see that long as my parents health issues are put solely on me. Me and my father tried to get her to sign up for Medicare but she said no and has a government heAlth plan and I don’t think it will last forever. All I really want is for her to have extra help and be happy and less stressful life in retirement and for me to get back to my life take care of things a young man needs to do! I love my mom but it’s been unreal and things gotta get done so any good advice from experience would be helpful with these issues thank you! Ps the health care provider has a limited number of doctors available I tried to get a foot doctor appointment no one called back very ****** service
The quickest way to ‘get your life back again’ is to move out and get a job. The quickest way to ensure that they develop a plan for their own lives, is also for you to move out and get a job.
A stroke may have done some brain damage maybe the part of the brain that controls reasoning. Mom does not realize how serious her kidney condition is. Just read 10 to 15% is considered Kidney failure and needs dialysis. If she refuses this, the toxins the kidney clears out will build up in her body and effect her thinking. Total kidney failure means death.
I think you need to get into the mindset that Mom is going to do what Mom wants to. I know you want the best for her but she does not see it that way. And if she has a limited amount if doctors, she probably has Medicaid. You can call her insurance provider and ask for a Medicaid provider in your area.
I know you are under a lot of stress and Mom dies not help but you need to find out what type of insurance both your parents carry. Medicaid (in my state) allows you to pick your provider. You need to understand how it all works to get the most out of it. My State Medicaid covers dental, vision and prescriptions. I also suggest you have your parents assign u POA for financial and Medical. With their health they need them. If money is a problem, then used Legal Aid. Make the POAs immediate. The next stroke could make Mom and Dad incompetent. With immediate, u can step right in. Your Office of Aging should be able to provide a number. I would also ask what resources are out there that your parents could take advantage of,
I really feel for you and your family, but if your mom is being so resistant to followup it may take a severe emergency to change things--trip to the ER, hospital admission where she gets testing and followup, etc. Not sure of the finances, but your parents sound as though they could both profit from being in an assisted living facility and/or perhaps have a visiting nurse to monitor their health plus someone to come in to help them around the house. In some states if the person qualifies financially, Medicaid does provide some limited in-home care. The burden should not fall on you if other arrangements can be made.
To me, you are now in the middle of the river. Jumping between your own canoe & your folks. They have been having trouble steering & rowing for a while now.
You could take over rowing theirs completely - live their lives with them everyday, watching your own canoe slip under... It's a lot to lose.
Or pull their canoe behind you? A heavy burden.
You are giving out directions to Mom but she is not listening.
Mom is stuck in the sadness of 'I want my old self back' 😥
Makes me wonder if some counselling would help Mom adjust. To her 'new normal'. To re-focus her on what she still HAS (rather than lost).
Reach her then teach her.
If she can look up from her sadness, embrace others that can help, more people in her team to row..
The message is: Accepting in-home help is not failure.
Accepting in-home help will HELP to keep you IN your own home LONGER.
cutlass101
The only person you can control is yourself. Age 45, you are not so 'young' - certainly old enough to take control of your own life. At age 65 to 70, they can make their own choices, whether good or bad. I’d repeat my previous post – move out yourself, and let them both take responsibility for themselves. While you are so upset that you just write ‘stream of consciousness’ stuff, you are not helping yourself or anyone else.
Curious what type of health insurance your parents have since neither of them are employed. You mentioned government plan, is it Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Or was it health insurance from where they use to work? As mentioned by another writer, your Mom needs to sign up for Medicare. I've been on Medicare for a decade now and it is very good insurance. But one would need a secondary insurance, either outside of Medicare or within Medicare.
Low kidney function is serious. My partner has that and he needs to watch his sodium intake. By lowering his sodium intake he is feeling much better. And also watching certain foods that the kidneys cannot process, such as potatoes, brown rice, dairy products, oranges, process deli meats which are sky high in sodium, TV type dinners which are also sky high in sodium, spinach, broccoli, tomatoes, whole grain breads. I know, it doesn't leave much to choice from. Walking is helpful.
After your parents had their strokes, did they go into Rehab which would have helped them lead a more normal life? Physical therapy is so very important.
If your Mother doesn't want to help herself, there isn't much you and your Dad can do. If someone has a lot of health issues, it is not uncommon for some to just keep putting off things that could help them.
Next of Kin can be consulted in a medical crises, when decisions need to be made quickly. But ask Dad, could Mom decide for him? Could Dad decide for Mom?
No plan IS a plan of sorts : a plan to increase chaos & stress.
Why not plan to REDUCE that now? Ask them to do this. To help them & to help you.
PS They fund that, not you.
What you need to determine if having Medicare would make a difference. Medicare only pays 80% the other 20 is usually paid by a secondary insurance.
I suggest you call Office if Aging and see if someone there can help you determine what is best for Mom. Take all your insurance info with you.