My Mom is 93. I live with her. My brother and his family live down the road. My Mom is upset with me that I am not going to do a lot of decorations this year. She wants her huge Christmas tree up. She thought that she had decorated last year. She has not decorated a Christmas tree in 5 years. I used to love Christmas but she has made it more difficult with what she wants. How do I tell her that I will not be doing all the decorations, the cleaning or the cooking that she is expecting? Christmas was always my favorite holiday but it isn't anymore because I am expected to clean, cook and decorate. Please, someone, tell me what I can say to her to make her understand that I want some joy in this holiday, too.
You don't convince her of anything; we never do.
You simply do it as you must do it and that is that.
Where did this new thing come from that we are responsible for our parents happiness and that old age has ANYTHING to do WHATSOEVER with happiness in general. Old age is about loss. It is about memory and trying to be as contented as you are able knowing your life is draining away. This isn't a happy time and I assure you of that as an 82 year old. And you have gone from DD to caregiver. Responsible for EVERYTHING and with no thanks for it.
This is simple. This will be what it must be for YOUR sake. It has nothing to do with her, her choice, her happiness, or really the onus and burden that Holidays and their "happy-all-the-time" burden puts upon half the populace every year.
I agree with others that you don't discuss it with her when she starts haranging you. You do what you feel willing and able to do. You can fend her off by distracting her or changing the subject. Take her for a drive to see the pretty Christmas lights locally. Have her decorate cookies or make chain garland or cut paper snow flakes. I hope you have a peaceful holiday together.
I have two prelit tabletop trees , one 3 foot one in the family room which I put ornaments on , and a two foot prelit in the dining room that I leave bare .
Both were from Amazon , complete with lights on them and burlap around the base . Just plug it in
Order a meal you can reheat , put a movie on .