I am more than burned out. I have taken care of my mother since my dad died in 2014. I took care of him for two years before he died. He could not take care of himself. My mother was too self absorbed to take care of him. When my dad died, my mother did not know how to do anything for herself except go shopping. I had to learn all about their finances and everything about their lives in order to teach her how to do anything. To compound the problem, she is not very intelligent and doesn't understand some of the simplest concepts. She is selfcntered,selfish, a mini hoarder, and the most wasteful spender that I have ever met. I have never liked my mother and could never depend on her as a child. She is also an alcoholic. I promised my dad that I would take care of her after he died because I know it is the right thing to do. I am her power of attorney, executor, and everything else legal. She is 83 and has lots of illnesses. COPD, heart failure, uncontrolled diabetes, and now is in end stage kidney failure. That is diagnosed in July 2019. She elected not to start dialysis. She enrolled in hospice in October. I took a leave of absence thinking that she would not survive long. WRONG! She is very very slowly deteriorating but I am not working and the stress of not bringing in an income is stressful. I have two kids in college, four dogs, two of which are elderly, and one has a severe case of doggie alzheimers. He is on his last legs. My mother wants me at her side every minute that I have available. I know she loves me but I have a family. Im not working because of her. I love her too but I have never liked her. She has many quirks that drive me crazy. She in an emotional vampire. I find myself not wanting to go to her house 45 minutes away. By the way she lives alone. I tried very hard years ago to get her into a continuous care community but she refused. She expects me to do everything for her. She has no idea the burden that she has placed on me and me alone. My sisters are dead beats. One lives out of state, the other can't boil water she is so dumb. Besides that she is very mentally unstable. I know this sounds terrible but WHY WON'T SHE DIE???? I want my life back!!!! I don't have a life and I don't know how to fix it! Any ideas?
Start looking at places in your area. Get the money figured out. She gonna need Medicaid? Get the application in.
I argued with my parents for years, finally realized they’re never going to agree. Mom fell, off to hospital, then to place where I had reserved a room. And it was JUST TILL YOU GET BETTER MOM. Moved dad in a week later. The line here was YOU NEED TO STAY HERE AND HELP MOM.
I don’t want to imply that this went off like clockwork, oh hell no, but I was tired of effing around. At some point you have to take charge whether they like it or not. They were killing me.
I agree with Barb.............you need to think about placing your mother in a nursing home for the remainder of her life so she won't be alone and so that you will KNOW she's cared for right until the very end.
I also promised my father I'd take care of my mother after he passed in 2015.........and I have been. She's in Memory Care and in great hands, being cared for 24/7 by an entire team of people who do everything for her. That constitutes 'care' even though it's not me doing it inside of my home.
Wishing you the very best of luck moving forward
Have you talked to the hospice social worker about placing your mother in a nursing home for the remainder of her life?
You promised dad you would look out for mom; that does not equate to full time hand's on care that impoverishes you and your children.