I gave up my high-paying job and career in Manhattan and moved to Florida to take care of my very elderly mom. My sister, who lived 15 minutes away, refused to do it and even moved out of town for a while. I moved over 2 years ago and work full-time for a lot less money. My sister is constantly criticizing my efforts. My mom's doctor is very happy with her health progress. I have POA which makes my sister angry because she has demanded money.
I would tell sister that ALL of moms money is hers and hers alone, you never know what the future holds and it could cost mom care if she gives away anything now and then needs Medicaid assistance in the future, they do a 5 year look back and will not pay for services that mom could have paid for if she hadn't given money away.
I would make it all about mom and her wellbeing, nothing you say about what sister did or did not do will change her. It will only cause you more stress, that you don't need or deserve. You can be proud of what you sacrificed to be there for your mom, you are a daughter that anyone would be proud and thankful to have.
Ignoring ignorance is the best method I have found, if I respond and get upset has the ignorant gained their goal, yes! If she cared about anyone besides herself she would be helping you with mom and not trying to make it harder. Focuse on mom and you and protect both of you in anyway required. I have seen the need for restraining order to protect the elderly from their own children financially exploiting them through threats and intimidation. Not saying your sister but, you know her and what it will require to be protected.
The ones doing nothing always criticize the ones in the trenches, so if you can just ignore her and know you do the best you can.
Best of luck with this trying situation.
God bless you for all you do for your mom.
I mean, if they *were* along those lines presumably you'd have no difficulty telling her to sit on [this] and spin, right? So what is she doing or saying that is hard to handle?
"Well, that is an interesting perspective. I'll discuss your idea with her doctor next week."