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My dad is on hospice because of lymphoma that there’s no way to fight. He’s 70 years old and he’s not healthy enough to fight it. He’s said repeatedly that he doesn’t want to die in pain. But he’s always groaning and holding himself in such a way that you KNOW he’s hurting a lot. But every time I offer him something for the pain, he refuses and says he’s fine. I want to follow his wishes, but it hurts to see him in pain like this. Any advice?

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It might help if you or hospice can talk to him about pain and what is likely to happen. It’s possible that he thinks if he takes something for pain now, he’ll get ‘acclimatised’ to it and it won’t work when he really needs it later on. Or he may think that if he accepts it, he will be given so much that it will stop his brain working and he won’t be ‘him’ any more.

I have quite a lot of back pain and I have an unlimited script for Codeine. I try to limit what I take because it does make me a bit dozy, plus I certainly don’t want to get addicted either. I like to stay in control of what’s going on with my body. I’m 77, considering older than your poor Dad, so I can imagine that he wants to stay in charge of his body as long as he can.

Perhaps you could start by telling him what I find myself, and asking him if it rings any bells with him. Tell him to treat 'help' as a servant, not a master. Please give him (and you) my love, Margaret
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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I agree with Margaret, your dad know starting pain meds , will mean he will be on meds the rest of his life, and he is scared to go there.

Talk to hospice, maybe they can explain to him the importance of pain management,

So sorry you and your dad are going through this. 😞
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Discuss this with Hospice.
This is what they are there for.
I am so very sorry for all involved.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Discuss with Hospice.
Some people are afraid of pain relievers as they have the fear that they will become addicted.
The body processes and uses pain relievers differently when it they are necessary for pain relief than if used "recreationally".
Hospice can explain this.
Maybe even suggest that the Hospice nurse administer a small dose and remain there with dad so that if there are any complications he is comfortable knowing that a medical person is there that can help him. (Nothing will happen, this would be for his peace of mind)
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Reply to Grandma1954
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