I have been sole POA for 5 years, 4 Medicaid apps, constantly shifting caregivers due to my brothers alcoholic acting out (he & my mother own the house together), culminating in an emergency move to a nursing home when brother threatened to burn down the house & aides left. I want sister to take over financial management, but she says she can’t from 350 miles away. I believe she can, because it requires little in-person work at this point - can be done by mail, phone, fax, internet.
How do I show her how much work I’ve done? She seems to think it is easy.
Your sibling should step up and help out the family - if everyone helps a little the burden for the one actually there and doing the work is considerably lessened. Tell sister to quit being self-centered and help the family through this tough time, it's what a family does.
I handle the bills for his current apartment but brother deals with the house stuff, at least until it’s sold later this month.
we both have POA for financial and health.
Tell sis to step up! You can’t do it all alone.
You are not responsible for her debts.
You are right, she can take care of her finances from 350 miles away. I’ve been handling my mothers finances along with all of her prescriptions for around 15 years now and I live over 3 hours away from where her credit union and
primary doctor are located. You can do most of it online including a few phone calls now and then. Not only is it doable, it takes no more effort than it would Living in the same town. She could set up any reoccurring bills to be automatically paid from her bank and then just go online with the bank to look at the account(s) to be sure everything is going smoothly. In fact, being too far away to help in the daily care, this would be something she can easily do to help out. It’s always a struggle with siblings when it comes to caring for parents. I know because out of five siblings, my sister and I do most everything. We have allocated some online jobs to a few of our brothers, which has been helpful.
With technology as available as it is, distance is no longer a big issue. She really doesn’t have a good excuse.
If your sister doesn’t want to deal with your mother in person then this a great solution. All financial issues I set up online. I manage all my father’s health care via phone calls with the staff at the assisted living center and the psychiatric hospital he has been admitted to more than once. I’ve not spoken to him in over ten years. The social worker I deal with at the ASL has been very helpful.
The legal guardian is overseen by the court and the POA may find themselves in conflict with the choices the legal guardian makes.
Technically, your mother could - but if your sister doesn't want the job then it would make no sense at all for your mother to appoint her.
You'd better get legal advice (which you can pay for with your mother's money, because it is solely for the purpose of organising her affairs) about how best to resign your POA and/or make alternative arrangements.
And if your mother's property is tied up with your brother's, you're going to need legal advice on how to sort this out in any case.
Your sister seems to be a fine illustration of the maxim that "ignorance is bliss." But forcing her to become better informed, and making her miserable alongside you, is not going to help your stress levels. Moreover, bringing a new person on board is going to create endless potential for misunderstandings and breakdowns in communication - it'd just make more problems than you'd solve.
I should ask around - APS, the NH, your Area Agency on Aging, even personal recommendations - and find a reputable lawyer with experience of elder care.
It sounds like she has set her boundaries. She knows that your brother will mess things up and wants no part of it.
If your Mum is still in the nursing home and on Medicaid, how much financial management is needed?
Do you need,to walk away from the situation and just be a visitor to your LO? Since your LO has had 4 medicaid apps, it appears to me that LO is out of funds. Is your LO is already in a nursing home on Medicaid? Why is it that you want to lay down this duty? Is it just to get your sister to participate in care? Who is named as backup POA?
it sounds like sis is just loathe to participate in any way. You can tell her you’re hiring a financial person to help and their fee will come out of any funds of Mom and brother’s. If she accepts that, then do it.