My mom is 90 years old and has been a hypochondriac my whole life. She has been saying she is dying my whole life. She has been in 3 different rehabs. She talked me into taking her home from one and laid in the chair for 3 weeks having the hired people change diapers when both my brother and I knew she could walk. I had to start the process over by taking her to the hospital. The 3rd re-hab she finally tried because I kept telling her she cannot go home until she goes to the bathroom and walks. She did. I just took her home Friday night and she cried and said she had to have me spend the night. I stayed and watched her go to the bathroom and walk with walker or wheel chair. Now today she says she can't do anything. I know she just wants me over. I offered to hire and she didn't like any choice I came up with. I finally said you know so much you figure it out. I have never done that before and now the guilt sets in. My brother was so frustrated with her because she wouldn't try during the first 2 and all she said was they were all mean to her. This 3rd one she liked and now all of a sudden they were abusive to her . I am so sad that I can never see my mom happy.
You did the right thing today, by speaking up and saying the truth to her. You have nothing to feel guilty about. In fact this is something that you should have been doing all along. And now that you have found your voice, please keep using it. I'm guessing that your mom hasn't had too many people stand up to her in her lifetime, so it's probably just what she needs.
Let her now figure things out on her own, don't answer your phone, and if push comes to shove, you will need to place mom in the appropriate facility, where she can get the care she needs, and you can get from out under her negativity, and start enjoying and living your life. I wish you the best.
If Moms 90 than you are probably in your 60s and a Senior too. She needs to realize that there are things you are not capable of doing. She needs to stay as dependent as possible. I would put a camera in her place to just see what she does for herself when u are not around. Then show it to her when she starts acting like an invalid. And those mean aides, they probably realize she can do more than she claims and push her to do it.
Good you stood up to her.