My Grandparents are suffering from very poor health at the moment and i'm trying to support them but i'm finding that my Nan is often very negative and hostile to being supported to the point she is becoming quite rude and beligerant.
Nothing is ever right or done to her satisfaction. She is negative about almost everything. If she turns on the television, she hates the programme she's watching (it can be anything), she hates the host, she hates the actors. Everything is negative, negative, negative.
If I go shopping, I got the wrong things or not the right cheap brand.
She doesn't want anybody to clean but never cleans. She doesn't want anyone to wash the clothes but goes months without doing them. The truth is she CAN'T do them and therefore WON'T do them but is too resistant to accept that she needs support.
The trouble i'm having is that my Grandfather also lives in the same house. He needs to be supported also. I have to smuggle his washing out of the house to do at my own house but if she finds out (as she inevitably does) she tuts and sighs that i've done them. Today I asked her what something was I found and she said "just leave it - i'll do it".
My Grandfather and I eat in the kitchen away from her because the smell of food makes her feel sick and I am lambasted as I shouldn't have used the oven anyway and now it's "dirty".
She also complains about so much that i'm just agreeing with everything she says. She has many times told me outright things that are wrong and I know they're wrong but it's too tedious to get into an ongoing futile discussion about it. It's bordering on pig headed to be honest.
Everyday tasks become overwhelming because you don't know how to begin. you forget the steps needed to accomplish the task.
Has grandma had a check up recently? If not it might be time to schedule one. Bring up your concerns to her doctor.
There are medications that can help with anxiety but as with all medications there are risks associated with the benefits.
If it is dementia that you are dealing with your grandma may not be able to continue to live at home unless grandpa is a able to care for her as she declines.
And if it is dementia it is part of a brain that is not working as it should it is not "pig headed"
But besides that, you probably just need to let your grandparents live the way they want to, or let whoever is their POA worry about what steps should be taken next, if any.
Your grandfather married your grandmother so I'm sure he's more than used to his wife's negativity, and has learned to just ignore it. Perhaps that's what you may need to do as well, along with staying away more often and perhaps just checking in once a week.
The best way you can support your grandparents is by just letting them live their lives without much interference from you, as it may very well be you that's causing your grandmothers negativity as you keep trying to meddle in their business, so let them live as they see fit.
If things get too out of hand you can then call APS and report any unsafe situations you believe they may be in, and let APS handle things from there.
Your job really is to educate yourself, get your own job, your own place to live, and create your own family.
Your don't give us needed details to say much else.
It would help to know:
How old are you?
How old are your grandparents and what are their physical/mental disabilities?
Who has POA and which of their CHILDREN is actually responsible for them?
Whose house do you all live in?
What are you plans for your own future?
I would say that in about 80% of questions posted in this Forum we are left without needed information.
In at least 70% of those questions the original poster never returns to say a peep.
So, unless we hear a bit more from you, I will just wish you the very best ongoing, no matter what your choices.
How old are your grandparents and what are their physical/mental disabilities? My Grandmother has severe degeneration of the spinal cord and my Grandfather has advanced Parkinsons disease.
Who has POA and which of their CHILDREN is actually responsible for them? I have power of attorney as both my Parents are dead.
Whose house do you all live in? I live independently but my Grandparents live about 40 minutes away from where I live.
What are you plans for your own future? I am employed full time as an HR Manager.
It sounds like her, four years later, as well.
Recently, I attempted to put some of her laundry away at her Memory Care, and she began screaming her head off. Not that SHE would have put it away, but screamed over and over that if I did it, she would NEVER be able to find ANYTHING.
Dementia hardly ever makes sense.
Then see if you see other signs of dementia that you may have missed. Could be any dementias, vascular dementia, makes them more negative than others, but that just my experience.
Do you or your family have plans or thoughts of plans for there future. It might be time to start make plans.
I really don't want to see you being stuck in this caregiveing role so young, and it taking over your life. So also set some boundaries. Figure out how much you can do and how much you don't want do and stick to it.
I really hate seeing grandchildren stuck in this when they should be building there future.
Let us know how things are going, someone is always here, to give advice, or just lend an ear. Best of luck