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My 74 year old mothere survived a stroke and the day of discharge from the hospital. She was in total agreement to go to a facility for rehabilitation. 2 days after she was there, she refused all her meds. And all food and water, now she is going Downhill. They brought her back to the hospital.But they are saying they can't find out why she won't eat or take her pills.She just keeps telling me she wants us to let her go. They have done so many tests and can't figure out why she won't eat or drink or take meds. I feel like she has given up my sister says they are missing something. Yesterday my mom got so upset with me for trying to talk with her and try to get her to take the meds, she shook her fists and tried screaming without any sound the nurse had to calm her down and she went back to sleep. I feel I upset her more should I just let it be. We also have no idea what her wishes are or if she has a will. My sister lives with her and does not even know how to keep up her bills and mortgage we are at such a loss. And no we do not have any POA she refuses that.

Definitely sounds like for whatever reason your mother has given up on life, and is now very depressed and is exhibiting what is called "failure to thrive."
It is sad that at the young age of 74 that she seems to have thrown in the towel and is refusing to fight to get some of what she's lost from the stroke back.
You can't make anyone fight if they don't want to, so perhaps it's best that you call in hospice now, so at least she will be kept comfortable and pain free until she passes.
And maybe by calling in hospice that may just be the wake up call your mother needs to decide if she really wants to die or if she wants to decide to fight.
It's her choice.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Stroke victim here. And I recovered at 74, almost completely. Depression is a given. What happens now is hard to predict. A book, Stroke, the Road to Recovery written by a stroke victim helped me understand what I was going through. Even if your mother won’t or can’t read it, you might understand what is happening right now.
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Reply to PollyM
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Iamnotoldyouare Aug 31, 2024
Recovering from a stroke at 54. Thanks for the recommendation, I need to read that book. And to the original post, depression could definitely have a lot to do with it. Good luck!
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"She just keeps telling me she wants us to let her go".

"...she shook her fists and tried screaming without any sound".

Your Mother is communicating with her words & her gestures.

What do you think your Mother is saying & showing you?
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Reply to Beatty
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Depression after a stroke is almost a given . Has Psych seen mom for an eval ?
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Reply to waytomisery
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My mother survived multiple strokes. No one mentioned what we now know as the common depression that comes with strokes. In your shoes, I’d insist on more than a psych evaluation and visit. Mom needs some quick therapy to help figure out her true state on mind and wishes for her own future. Everyone deserves to be clear on her condition, hope for recovery, and desire to be here. From there plans need to happen for nutrition or meds or hospice services. Be prepared to accept whatever mom chooses and support her in it. My mother was miserable for years after strokes, very understandably, I can only wish her unhappiness had been shorter. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Perhaps you accept that she ‘wants you to let her go’. However she is leaving you in a mess, with no idea about her finances or assets. Perhaps tell her that you are sad but willing to let her go, but will she first explain the things that you need to know.

If she doesn’t really want to die, this will call her bluff. If she does want to die, it would be a real help for you if she first gives you the information you need.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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fluffy1966 Aug 31, 2024
Good common sense approach, Margaret.
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If mom is cognizant ask her what she wants.
Does she want Hospice? If so find a Hospice in your area and have her evaluated/
If mom wants to live and get better she has to start taking her medications and do what the doctors want her to do.
This is HER choice. That is how you support her...
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Reply to Grandma1954
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It sounds like she may have decided to implement VSED (Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking). That may be my choice as well at end of life, but I hope to leave my affairs in halfway decent shape for our family.
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Reply to ElizabethAR37
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This thread is a reminder that when we get closer to death we should have an airtight DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) or medical directives in place so that each of our wishes for care are followed and respected.

(Getting ER doctors, hospital staff, and families to respect your written directives is an issue for another thread.)
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Reply to LostinPlace
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Your mom need to see a Neurologist and a Psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist may be able to help with both medicine and counseling. There may be some damage to her brain. Strokes can make people angry and depressed too.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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