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Will try to make this short. She has been a widow for 2 yrs frm a second husband that was controlling but now she is just out of control. She spends money like Crazy will listen to none of us about anything. She continually outdoes everyone no matter what it is....illness, money, anything. She will say she’s dying but has been to drs and they say she is fine. She repeats herself and when we try and help her she thinks she knows better and makes things a mess.


she wants to sell her house (-after falling down next to the bayou and she can’t swim) so we helped her for her a realtor and she fought with us an the realtor saying she knew her house is with a million dollars and forced the realtor to list for that and the appraisal was less than half that.


Its impossible to be with her and to be honest so frustrating and when she knows she pushed too far she will use the I’m old and you need to be patient with me routine. I think the toughest part is she constantly talks about sex and how men chase her even when we say stop she says it’s what real life is about.
So any advice would be appreciated because my husband, brother in law, sister in law and I are at a loss. Thanks

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Ye gods. Has her house sold? What are her plans for a future place to live? I hope they don't include moving in with you, 'cause you'll go nuts and she'll suck the life right out of you and your family.

Take her on a tour of some nice assisted living facilities, get her moved in, and keep contact as minimal as possible after that. You don't need the aggravation.
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If there is no dementia involved I would just move away and let your mother make her own decision and live with the consequences.
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She needs a different realtor. No realtor worth his reputation is going to list a home for a million dollars when it's worth half a million. That's how reputations are ruined in the RE business.

It also sounds like she has dementia, big time. See about getting her into the doctor for an evaluation and an assessment as to where s/he thinks MIL belongs now; in Independent Living or Assisted Living, etc. Then you can help her move accordingly, preferably into a community with a continuum of care where she can segue from IL into AL as needed.

Wishing you the best of luck!
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Bayoukids, answering your question depends on what you mean by "deal with"? You won't change her behavior (unless it's due to a medical condition that's treatable). She's not going to be "cured" of whatever is going on (probs dementia, ALZ, etc). If she doesn't listen to anyone and no one in the family has PoA for her, then you are legally powerless to act in her own best interests. If I were in your shoes, I'd try to get her to see her doctor (use a therapeutic "fib" and tell her Medicare is requiring it this year or some such story). If she agrees to go and you (or hubby) takes her you can discreetly pass the doc a note asking to do a cognitive exam on her. Also request a test for UTI (urinary tract infection) as these are extremely common in the elderly and they often don't even know they have an infection but it can cause behavior changes, confusion, etc). This can be cleared up with antibiotics. Mostly, if anyone is interested in being her PoA then she needs to fill out those legal forms (with family help) BEFORE she has a diagnosis of cognitive impairment. You can only do so much. The amount of "head banging" against a brick wall you will endure is totally up to you. It's not easy -- thousands on this site are in your shoes. Blessings to you for anything you do to try to help her.
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