We sold our own home and moved into the lower suite of my 85 year old mother-in-law's home 2 years ago to help her stay in the home as long as possible. Until this spring she was golfing, bowling and square dancing weekly, a social butterfly and a gorgeous lady. In May she went for a massage for an old back fracture and ended up with nerve damage. Since that time she has had back pain and has gone from the busy vibrant lady she was to housebound and not dressing or moving from the couch. She has had a difficult time getting any pain relief because she is on warfarin so she has on had Tylenol for pain. Physiotherapy has not helped. She is now waiting to get into a pain clinic but that is 4/to 6/weeks away. I finally demanded the doctor give her pain meds and he gave her a butrans patch 2 days ago so we are waiting for some relief from that. Our main concern is that she was told that she should be walking and perhaps swimming and.or using an exercise bike (which we have and we have gotten out for her) but this very previously active lady is now not moving AT ALL. If I don't go up to make her a piece of toast for breakfast and phones her 89 year old boyfriend and has him come and do it for her. So she is pretty much moving from her bed to the couch and back. She must be going to the washroom so I told my husband that if she can do that she should be able to get to the kitchen for toast, particularly if the doctor is saying she should be on an exercise bike and swimming! Am I being cruel? I make her supper and my husband takes it to her. She used to eat out with her boyfriend at least 4 times a week and lunch out with friends almost daily. That was only 3 months ago. The other day when I mentioned it to her she said she had been on one of the medications for her nerve pain (which just happened in May) "way longer than 4 months".). She just got it from the doctor in July. So now I'm beginning to wonder if she doesn't realize what state she is in in that living room day in and day out. She has a TV tray in front of her that is covered with stuff that I am continually trying to clean off but can't keep it clean. It is like trying to clean up after a toddler but this one doesn't move around. Tuesday shewas to go to physo and I went to get her 3 times and she was still sitting watching TV. Finally I had to say are you getting ready? And then she finally realized what time it was even though she has a huge clock right above the TV and I had been up 3 times and mentioned it. She is very strong willed. She complains all day about the pain but shoots down every idea and plan anyone has to help. We have a home TENS which she has been told would give her some relief but she won't use it. She won't let me open the curtains of air out the room which smells like urine. I feel like the few friends and family that do come to visit are probably judging my husband and I but she is very strong willed and set in her says and stubborn and doesn't realize that what she is doing is bad for her health and I believe will put her in a wheelchair in no time at all or worse. I think this thing is quickly going beyond us if I don't get some help. Who do we turn to? Her doctors? Elder care in the area? We live in Canada. My husband is going to talk to her boyfriend this evening and tell him to quit helping so much. She needs to get up, I think. Do you agree?
So glad you took action and bless you for not just listening to one Drs opinion.
I hope things go better now for your MIL.
As for your poor MIL, I think you should get a second Dr's opinion. Maybe her pain is a lot worse than the Dr. thought, and she's depressed because she can't walk around or ride the stationary bike, and she's disappointed in herself for not being able to do all that the Dr. said she can do.
If she was so active before, she's probably a fighter so I believe the Dr probably didn't get the severity of her pain level correct.
In any case, I'd definitely get a second opinion and then you'd be sure she was diagnosed correctly.
Look, mol os not playing with a full deck due to the pain. You have been appointed the grownup. Now call the ambulance.
So, she will never forgive you..for what? Trying to do the best for her? She will, and if not, you can rest easy that you did what is best for her health.
I'm sure if the do proper imaging they will find a fracture. There is a thread in Discussions on this site titled "My mother's stubbornness is so confounding". Stubborn mom had a fracture that the hospital missed. But right mow, I'm more worried about her chest.
Even if it is a spine fracture, the options are limited. When my cousin fell and fractured her spine, they told her that it would take time for it to heal and prescribed her pain medication. They also prescribed a back brace, which is supposed to help with pain during the healing,( including Tylenol), but due to her dementia, she refused to keep it on. Because of her dementia, she couldn't understand she needed to wear it and it could not be forced on her. The dementia also made her resist therapy.
Over the course of about 6 months the fracture healed and she doesn't have any pain from it now, however, she never regained her mobility and she is wheelchair bound. She can propel with her feet and get around though. The doctors believe it was the dementia that put her in the wheelchair and not the spinal fracture. No way to know for sure.
If your mom is not a candidate for surgery, then what benefit will the MRI have? I would see if the doctors could answer that.
Have they checked her out for pain somewhere else in her body? She may have pain from something else that is not being properly conveyed to you or the doctors.
Today, it appears that the insurance companies control the doctors and basically tell them how to practice medicine.
The so called affordable care act has skyrocketed the amount of paperwork done, My doctor tells me that his perception is that all of these changes are really about control and not about care.
Fewer people seem to be going into general medicine because of how difficult it is to sustain a practice with mainly government supported health care which does not pay like private health insurance companies do.
Our whole medical world view is far more into being reactive with care, than being proactive with prevention. Many doctors carry a stigma about the health care needs of the elderly which leads them to be more passive than active. Thus, we end up having to advocate for ourselves and our elderly relatives.
In looking out for myself and my own care, I am now changing to my 4th doctor in 13 years.
It's a sad messed up world in which it looks like doctor's are no longer free to practice medicine without the insurance company henpecking them; teachers in public education have to basically teach the test and so what's next? Are clergy going to be told what they can or cannot preach or teach about because of some government control regulation? We seen to be getting closer and closer to that strange new world that the science fiction writers have been warning society about.
You also explain how little respect you have for her medical providers and why. Why are you torturing yourself trying to implement what these (in your words) "quacks" are telling you?
It is precisely because this lady "was golfing 18 holes twice a week, bowling in 2 leagues a week and square dancing every Thursday night," that for her to suddenly not be able to do anything is suggesting to me that something is drastically wrong. And besides that you describe her as fiercely independent. Such people do not suddenly decide they'd like some attention and fuss and moan about pain they don't have. They do not ask for someone to make them toast. They drag themselves to the kitchen just to prove they are still tough and independent.
Either she is having very legitimate pain problems or something has gone haywire in her brain, or both.
If you were going to insist she do something she doesn't want to do, I'd vote for getting her to a big-city medical center, to specialists who will actually examine her.
If she has a steroid injection, she will have to discontinue warfarin a week before.
She's on War far in for "just" artherosclerosis? Not a heart valve or some more serious cardiac issue? My impression (I am not a doctor, my husband has an artificial valve and has been on Coumadin for 10 years) is that there many other blood thinners that can be used for other applications. Is this doctor of hers very old, or very old school? It might be worthwhile getting some other opinions.