My father in law has Parkinson's and is having mental issues. We tried memory care but Mom pulled him. She lets him drive when clear. She lets him be verbally abusive. She lets him refuse his meds. She won't make any decisions that are against what he wants. He is having mental issues, high anxiety, OCD and will not medicate. What do you do?
Can she move in with him there? My mother's MC has a married couple where the husband doesn't have memory issues but the wife does. (He's got plenty of issues anyway and certainly needs to be somewhere.)
The driving issue is enormous. If he crashes and kills someone, they could lose everything. Does anyone in the family have Power of Attorney (POA)?
Not giving him his meds is tough, because it's so much easier to fight someone you love than it is to fight a nurse at MC. My mother didn't fight my dad over her meds, but she'd only take them by putting them in the palm of her hand and she'd usually drop one of two pills trying to put them in her mouth. Now that she's in MC, she's in much better shape due to getting her meds consistently and on time.
I'd check with an elder law attorney and Mom's doctor to see what can be done.
I think for most people it would be completely cost prohibitive, but I have seen a few instances where elders were in smaller board and cares where there were five to seven patients, and where each had their own room but spent most of their time together.
I don't really have a clue otherwise. I do know I would not separate them if I could come up with any other option. Again, she WAS the one who went to get him out.
Leave your parents alone to fight their own battles. If your father winds up getting hospitalized because of your mother's negligence, they will likely want to send him to rehab to recuperate. And then, rehab may want him to STAY in their long term care facility section which your mother will have no say over.
That's what you 'do'. Nothing. Let them fight their own battles and just be there to pick up the pieces once they shatter. Sad but true.
Best of luck
hugs 🤗
I was fortunate that my parents graciously gave up driving when the doctor told them to.
Good luck. You may not be able to do anything to make things better.