Mom moved in while I was working from home. We’re going to a hybrid schedule at work next month. What’s the best way to get my mom ready for a caregiver to come over while I’m out? She doesn’t think she needs anyone, but with her undiagnosed dementia, she has called police when she lived alone before and hallucinates her passed family members. Since she has been with me at home, she’s more relaxed but still hallucinating and a bit grumpy. She “wants to go home” to her childhood home.
It will take time. It's been mentioned lower on this thread to introduce this person as a friend of yours who will be staying with her while you're at work. That will help.
You are in for extreme circumstances / exhaustion / overwhelm in caring for a person with hallucinations at home. And, it will only get worse.
* Realize you cannot talk to a person with dementia and hallucinations.
Logic doesn't compute in their brain because it cannot.
* Your mother may see and/or think this caregiver is 'out to get her' and cause her intense fear and do what she feels is necessary to protect her life.
* There is no easing a caregiver into this situation. It might work for a few hours, a day, a week - at some point, you will be overwhelmed with chaos and unmanageable behavior.
* Of course your mother doesn't think she needs anyone else. THIS IS DEMENTIA. She doesn't understand reality and doesn't want any strangers around. She will always / only want you there because she knows you and feels safe with you.
* You might tell her that this person is your sister or daughter. Let her think (if she can cognitively get it) that this is a family member.
* A care provider needs a key to the house / access somehow.
* It is possible if your mom could lock the caregv out of the house that you will need a key to keep you mom safely in her room.
* Does your mom like to dance? Tell her this is a dance teacher and she is here to give you (and her) a lesson. Be creative.
* Get the dementia diagnosed. Why hasn't this happened already (esp since she is having hallucinations)?
* You need to take care of yourself. And your mom in the best ways that serve both of you. Gena / Touch Matters
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It’s better now, but my husband (who she listens to, she doesn’t listen to me) would have to call her because she kicked the PSW’s out of the house a few times. The PSW would then call him to let him know, and he would call MIL, reminding her that “our friend was coming to help US out, not YOU.” We had to do this for a few weeks before she got into the routine.
Just make sure the PSW knows to say the same thing. It’ll go smoother.
Notify the police of the situation to help the caregiver if this does happen.
Why is mom in your home? Maybe it is time for mom to be in memory care.
it also helps that the caregiver is the same person, not someone different everyday which was one of the problems on the first round….consistency is key(at least as much as possible)
The caregiver is there to help "you" not mom. That is if mom is of the type that does not want any help...thus the help is for you not her..
First day the caregiver is there spend some time with both then "suddenly remember" you have to go get milk for dinner. Go out for an hour then come back.
During the time you are gone the caregiver can chat with mom, maybe do the dishes that you used when you all sat down for tea or coffee.
Second day the caregiver is there start the same way but then go out and stay out for longer.
They will get to know each other that way.
When you have to go to work just say "your" friend "Sally" will come over while you are gone.
"She wants to go home to her childhood home." This is called Sundowning and usually starts to happen in the mid- late-afternoon. She needs her mind and conversation to be redirected and distracted with activity-- a perfect time for the caregiver to take her out for a walk or drive.
I encourage you to take her to get officially diagnosed.
I hope it all goes smoothly!