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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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It’s ugly for sure. My mom was sooo mad and deceitful trying to hang onto her car. Ultimately when I moved her into AL the car didn’t go. She had planned on it. I did not tell her until she was in AL. It did not go well. Would I do it differently? No… I regret it having to be that way but if she had to voluntarily give up the car , she never would have. my mom is stubborn.
I am helping to care for my brother, who is 82 and his partner, Michael, who is 76. Michael has advanced dementia and has begun to wander. My brother and Michael live app 1/2 mile from me. My brother is needing more at home care with Michael.
Your brother is the one who needs to take the keys away from Michael, obviously. The man has advanced dementia and therefore, has NO BUSINESS behind the wheel of a car! If I were in your brother's shoes, I'd simply hide the keys. But if you are asking such a question, then your brother is obviously having difficulty doing such a thing, so here is advice on the subject, from a different perspective, with regard to driving with dementia/Alzheimers:
DRIVING The issue of driving is extremely difficult. Sometimes during testing, a physician will find that the person's spatial skills are such that they need to cease driving immediately. Other times, the family may want to curtail the person from driving because when they sit in the passenger seat while the person with dementia is doing the driving, they find their driving unsafe. One method of gradually ceasing the driving has been found to work well. A lady asked her husband once a week or so if it could be her turn to drive (her license renewal was coming up). She gradually increased the frequency of asking for her turn until she was doing the driving 80% of the time. Then she started to automatically head for the driver's side of the car whenever they walked toward the car, without saying anything. After about six to eight weeks, her husband always went to the passenger side and never again expected to be the driver. This non-confrontational approach is positive, but not always possible.
This advice comes from a 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.” For people to understand that reality and context as perceived and experienced by a person with dementia, is altered by the dementia; and, that their reality and context is continuously changing as the dementia progresses, requires learning and an attitude shift; it is not ‘common sense.’
Another good book is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin.
Your brother should learn all he can about dementia so he can best help Michael to the best of his ability. Placement is something he should also consider when the caregiving becomes too much to handle.
Here is what we did with my mother. We created a letter from the Governor of our state. We used a fancy border. Of course, we did not use the real Governor's name, but mom didn't know. It congratulated her on her outstanding years of service as a nurse, contributions to the health of so many people, and wonderful job raising her children. Then it stated due to her forgetfulness that her license would no longer be valid at the end of the month. Mom was so proud of that letter and that was the end of the driving arguments. We would pull out the letter and show it to her and she would smile and ride with us. Eventually I put it in her fidget bag and she would read and re-read it until she could no longer read.
This may only work if your loved one does not know the Governor's name.
My father's eye doctor was instrumental in helping end his driving days, first by making suggestions (only drive during the day) and then by refusing to sign off on his license renewal (though he gave my Dad some notice that he was going to have to do that). I spoke with the eye doctor briefly and he said you'd be surprised at how often they are involved in this decision, especially since many older adults are more willing to give up their license because of their vision than because of their memory loss/reaction times. I was really impressed by how seriously he took the job of making sure unsafe drivers were off the roads, considering you wouldn't expect that would be an ophthalmologist's priority! So maybe it's time to talk to the eye doctor? (and not just the glasses place, but a real one)
This was the case for my brother's ex. The doctor said "May I see your driver's license". He handed it to the doctor. The doctor said "I need to turn this in, D. I can't allow you to drive anymore. You will receive a written notice from the DMV". And he did. He had to go in and exchange for a California ID card.
Most states allow you to anonymously send a formal complaint about someone that can no longer be trusted to drive . You can send a request to them and have them maintain your confidentiality. Once processed the person must meet with their PCP and clear some standard tests. Also if vision is a concern they must meet with their eye Dr. Same thing if you suspect cognitive decline etc. If they don't pass these tests then their license is revoked, If the license is revoke then insurance must be notified an cancelled. You can find all of this easily online.
If a person is not suffering from dementia, in all truth you can't. You certainly can report them to DMV and ask that DMV consider a full exam which would include test, eye test and driving test. But that's about it. As someone whose brother lay bleeding and muttering "I knew something was wrong, I knew something was wrong" at 85, I can sympathize. He was at the other end of the state and I didn't know. We both thanked goodness, after his recovery that he hurt no one else. And the accident was instrumental in his diagnosis of probably early Lewy's Dementia. So there was that. We could work on getting everything together and in place. I wish you luck. You cannot interfere with another who is competent. You can be honest, and you can speak to their doctor (who unless he or she is allowed, cannot respond to you, but may address the issue with his patient). Do all you can. You can do no more. There are many folks on the road who should not be driving. Not all suffer from aging; some use alcohol. So let's be careful out there.
This is a very common and very serious issue. Your state DMV probably has information online on this subject. Family may think they know best and maybe they in fact do, but it appears in most states that driver's license revocation must ulimately be determined by the state via information from concerned family, other citizen, or doctor or when they go to renew their license.
Personally I believe anyone over a certain age, like 70, should be tested annually. I feel this way because in recent years I was almost hit by a 90 something year old woman who ran a stop sign. She was like in another world. This is very serious for everyone.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mom was sooo mad and deceitful trying to hang onto her car. Ultimately when I moved her into AL the car didn’t go. She had planned on it. I did not tell her until she was in AL. It did not go well. Would I do it differently? No… I regret it having to be that way but if she had to voluntarily give up the car , she never would have. my mom is stubborn.
I wish you luck.
I am helping to care for my brother, who is 82 and his partner, Michael, who is 76. Michael has advanced dementia and has begun to wander. My brother and Michael live app 1/2 mile from me. My brother is needing more at home care with Michael.
Your brother is the one who needs to take the keys away from Michael, obviously. The man has advanced dementia and therefore, has NO BUSINESS behind the wheel of a car! If I were in your brother's shoes, I'd simply hide the keys. But if you are asking such a question, then your brother is obviously having difficulty doing such a thing, so here is advice on the subject, from a different perspective, with regard to driving with dementia/Alzheimers:
DRIVING
The issue of driving is extremely difficult. Sometimes during testing, a physician will find that the person's spatial skills are such that they need to cease driving immediately. Other times, the family may want to curtail the person from driving because when they sit in the passenger seat while the person with dementia is doing the driving, they find their driving unsafe. One method of gradually ceasing the driving has been found to work well. A lady asked her husband once a week or so if it could be her turn to drive (her license renewal was coming up). She gradually increased the frequency of asking for her turn until she was doing the driving 80% of the time. Then she started to automatically head for the driver's side of the car whenever they walked toward the car, without saying anything. After about six to eight weeks, her husband always went to the passenger side and never again expected to be the driver. This non-confrontational approach is positive, but not always possible.
This advice comes from a 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.” For people to understand that reality and context as perceived and experienced by a person with dementia, is altered by the dementia; and, that their reality and context is continuously changing as the dementia progresses, requires learning and an attitude shift; it is not ‘common sense.’
Another good book is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin.
Your brother should learn all he can about dementia so he can best help Michael to the best of his ability. Placement is something he should also consider when the caregiving becomes too much to handle.
Best of luck!
This may only work if your loved one does not know the Governor's name.
As someone whose brother lay bleeding and muttering "I knew something was wrong, I knew something was wrong" at 85, I can sympathize. He was at the other end of the state and I didn't know. We both thanked goodness, after his recovery that he hurt no one else. And the accident was instrumental in his diagnosis of probably early Lewy's Dementia. So there was that. We could work on getting everything together and in place.
I wish you luck. You cannot interfere with another who is competent. You can be honest, and you can speak to their doctor (who unless he or she is allowed, cannot respond to you, but may address the issue with his patient).
Do all you can. You can do no more. There are many folks on the road who should not be driving. Not all suffer from aging; some use alcohol. So let's be careful out there.
Personally I believe anyone over a certain age, like 70, should be tested annually. I feel this way because in recent years I was almost hit by a 90 something year old woman who ran a stop sign. She was like in another world. This is very serious for everyone.