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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I acknowledge and authorize
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Is this not worth grieving? What kind of person would not weep about this? Is this not heart-breaking? Is this not loss? Is this not trauma ongoing? Please allow yourself tears, and allow them from your loved one. There are many things you can no longer be to one another, but you can be a support in what is one of the saddest losses anyone can endure. You didn't create this and cannot ever fix it and you cannot turn this into "happy-all-the-time". I am so very sorry.
You have to be strong and know this is the best for them and you. Do not feel guilty for admitting you can't do it all. Its like taking a child to the first day of daycare. The best thing you can do is give them a hug and kiss saying "I'll be back later" and leave. Letting the teacher take over. You may want to stay awayva day or so allowing ur LO to "settle in" and getting used to staff. When u do visit, do not make it too long.
It's okay to cry about it. There's no shame in that. You had to put your husband in memory care. That's pretty sad and certainly worthy of grieving over.
I think all that can be done now is just enjoy good moments with him if there are any because they are a win so take every one that comes.
I hope you have a good support system of loving friends and family who you can lean on and bring you comfort.
One should do what one needs to do. In some cases - for the family it is easier to leave their loved one behind. For others it is potentially one of the most painful things they can possibly ever do.
If you need to cry, if you need to grieve - then that is what you need to do. It is very hard sometimes to accept that someone you love is beyond your ability to help. It's ok to cry.
Just like its also ok for people to not cry or feel remorse for the decision when it is the right one. People feel things differently. They process things differently.
I'll tell you something that you may think is terrible. My FIL was not a nice man. He was abusive (truly) and mean; and my DH and SIL ended up becoming caregivers because he refused to have any other plan. He would do nothing to help himself or keep himself in the healthiest state that he could. Early on they told him - if you get to a certain point we will not be able to keep you home. He didn't believe them. And he got to that point.
The day he was moved to the SNF from the rehab facility - he wasn't even able to get in a car. We had to hire a transport company to move him to his new home. And we met them up there. We moved all of his stuff in, met the staff, helped him fill out paperwork - we were there for HOURS.
When we said our goodbyes and left - we went straight to the car - the 4 of us - DH, myself, SIL and her DH. And once we were all safely in the car - everyone started laughing and joking around, letting out whoops of joy, thanking God it was done, and we celebrated by going out to dinner.
That would sound HORRIBLE to anyone who didn't walk in our shoes. But we felt relief. That he was in a safe place, with 24/7 care, but also relief that we were all free to actually resume our lives and pay attention to our families and spouses fully again. His care consumed us all - and he was the most ungrateful, verbally abusive patient.
There is no wrong way to react to having to move a family member to a memory care or SNF. It is ok to be happy or sad. You feel what you feel.
Look at it this way - now you can visit and be more relaxed knowing he is safe. but it's perfectly normal to grieve.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What kind of person would not weep about this?
Is this not heart-breaking?
Is this not loss?
Is this not trauma ongoing?
Please allow yourself tears, and allow them from your loved one. There are many things you can no longer be to one another, but you can be a support in what is one of the saddest losses anyone can endure.
You didn't create this and cannot ever fix it and you cannot turn this into "happy-all-the-time".
I am so very sorry.
I think all that can be done now is just enjoy good moments with him if there are any because they are a win so take every one that comes.
I hope you have a good support system of loving friends and family who you can lean on and bring you comfort.
If you need to cry, if you need to grieve - then that is what you need to do. It is very hard sometimes to accept that someone you love is beyond your ability to help. It's ok to cry.
Just like its also ok for people to not cry or feel remorse for the decision when it is the right one. People feel things differently. They process things differently.
I'll tell you something that you may think is terrible. My FIL was not a nice man. He was abusive (truly) and mean; and my DH and SIL ended up becoming caregivers because he refused to have any other plan. He would do nothing to help himself or keep himself in the healthiest state that he could. Early on they told him - if you get to a certain point we will not be able to keep you home. He didn't believe them. And he got to that point.
The day he was moved to the SNF from the rehab facility - he wasn't even able to get in a car. We had to hire a transport company to move him to his new home. And we met them up there. We moved all of his stuff in, met the staff, helped him fill out paperwork - we were there for HOURS.
When we said our goodbyes and left - we went straight to the car - the 4 of us - DH, myself, SIL and her DH. And once we were all safely in the car - everyone started laughing and joking around, letting out whoops of joy, thanking God it was done, and we celebrated by going out to dinner.
That would sound HORRIBLE to anyone who didn't walk in our shoes. But we felt relief. That he was in a safe place, with 24/7 care, but also relief that we were all free to actually resume our lives and pay attention to our families and spouses fully again. His care consumed us all - and he was the most ungrateful, verbally abusive patient.
There is no wrong way to react to having to move a family member to a memory care or SNF. It is ok to be happy or sad. You feel what you feel.
Look at it this way - now you can visit and be more relaxed knowing he is safe. but it's perfectly normal to grieve.