I am caring for my 94 year old mother at home. She has severe dementia. She recently recovered from RSV for which she was hospitalized for a week. While in the hospital she suffered devastating hospital induced delirium and had to be in bed restraints day and night. I will not do this to her again. Her dementia has worsened since the hospitalization.
As her caregiver, if I contract corona virus there is every reason to expect she will get it as well. I am mentally preparing that this will probably end her life. Another horrifying trip to the ER for her and then hospitalization will be pointless and cruel. Love my mom and can’t do this to her again.
Have any of you given this any thought?
Husband is 75 and an ex trucker. His sanitary habits rate right next to a 2 year olds. He has dementia and the onset of alzheimers but, still can rationalize some things most days. He gets angry at me when he sits and picks at his ears, nose, etc then heads for the fridge without washing his hands and I stop him and send him to the sink. He sits until it is late at night then says he is sleepy and not going to bathe. He goes to bed without even rinsing his face or hands. I sleep in the living room because the bed and bedroom smell musty and like his breath.
I worry because I have part of the left lung that is dead/dying. Walking at a normal persons speed for 20' leaves me gasping for breath or hunting for an inhaler. If something happens to me, there is no one to care for him. Our kids would try to help but, they all work or go to school. While I was in the hospital the last week of 2018 and first week of 2019 having my colon removed due to cancer, he was alone and tried to close all our banking accounts. I had pre-planned for something like that and had fixed the 2 main accounts so he couldn't get into them. But, he got into our credit union account that was for emergency, vacation and medical use. Where all the money went I do not know. He said he gave it to the kids, they say he didn't. I worry what will happen if I am not here to give him his meds, help bathe him, cook, clean, pickup his meds, everything actually. He sits in a recliner from getting up in the am to going to bed at night. He gets up to fill his coffee cup or glass of juice, go to the bathroom and get snacks. He has lost his body strength and will most likely be in a wheelchair by years end. Most likely, he will end up in a nursing home. There is no POAs, wills, etc. He keeps saying we need to do that but, I can't get him to agree to go to an attorney. I have put it in Gods hands. If he needs me or my husband off of the earth, he will take us when the time comes. We do have our funerals paid for.
I wish everyone the best outcome while doing our best to care for loved ones, clients and ourselves.
"“Here there were the first two cases. We tested everyone, even if the ‘experts’ told us this was a mistake: 3,000 tests. We found 66 positives, who we isolated for 14 days, and after that 6 of them were still positive. And that is how we ended it.’’"
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/18/scientists-say-mass-tests-in-italian-town-have-halted-covid-19
This means that I'm caring for my mother thinking that there's a high possibility that I could be positive and asymptomatic.
When you contact COVID-19:
Try to be extra careful to wash surfaces and your hands frequently .Cover your mouth when giving care to your mom. Facemasks are probably too hard to get, but a bandana is better than nothing. You will probably have mild symptoms: cough, temperature... similar to a head cold to a mild case of flu (no diarrhea or vomiting) for 2 weeks. Must stay home until your are cleared by your doctor or public health of the virus. If you experience shortness of breath, contact your doctor. The worst case scenario is developing pneumonia.
When mom develops COVID-19:
She will most likely develop pneumonia: high fever, cough, shortness of breath, fatigue. Give her Tylenol for fever according to package directions. Make sure she drinks plenty of fluids. Notify health department - they may send somebody over to test for COVID-19 and assess your mom. Please keep in contact with your mom's doctor for further medical advise. You will need to be in isolation with her for 2-6 weeks until she clears the virus or passes.
Does your mom have a "do not resuscitate" order or "living will" in her medical files? You may need something along those lines to cover yourself legally for not seeking more aggressive care in a hospital.
There is a great deal of memo-ing and such about keeping clients safe and well, yet not much about what caregivers should do if taken ill. Stay home, right?
Then who is the caregiver?
I don't know what happens to my clients or my Mom if I get sick. I'm hoping that if I follow the CDC guidelines I'll be okay in a couple weeks, but would hate to expose either Mom or clients to this virus. We have co-workers & supervisors lined up to cover if any caregiver staff becomes ill.
My main job now seems to be keeping them occupied, pretending to be calm & cheerful, taking good care of myself as I can & cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!
Glad we have a job where our job [clients] love us back!
she also has a very bad heart condition, should have a valve transplant but this would be the end of her. So it is not good.
Her mind is totally gone, she drives me insane she has no understanding of reality. She has no memory at all, last night I put her to bed as she said she wanted to sleep, 3 minutes later she is yelling help help I got to get home my mother doesn’t know where I am. This goes on 24 hours a day. We have no peace till she falls asleep. I do admit I ignore most of her yelling because when I ask her what she wants it’s always I got to go home. So no, I will not be visiting the hospital with her. I may sound heartless but the end would be a blessing.
I'm with you 100%.
13 years later, I feel like we are living a similar nightmare with this virus.
As BarbBrooklyn says, I think you took the right decision; if I may add something, go into self-isolation asap. It's hard. But I really think the sooner the better. You'll be both fine :)
You have my sympathy, being "between a rock and a hard place."
Some thoughts:
How old are the children in day care? Are they old enough to comprehend being sick, and to understand what it means? Are they old enough to read?
What activities are planned for them?
My thoughts are to conduct your own education program; even if the children aren't able to educate their parents, you may be able to instill in them some cautions, as well as increase protection at the day care center.
You could start with what it means to be sick, to be very sick, how they feel about it, and what they do at home to protect themselves.
Then institute a program of cleanliness, starting with each child washing hands on arrival, and after touching each other or objects of potential transference.
I doubt if the parents would comply, but you (or whoever owns the day care) could institute a requirement that children bring a small bottle of hand sanitizer from home, for their own use at the facility.
Daily go through the repetition of cleanliness, safety, covering mouths when coughing or sneezing, and other preventative tactics.
If they read, and/or if they're computer literate, ask them to find articles on safety during pandemics, then have the children read their articles and discuss them as a group. (This may be too challenging if they're younger children though.)
My thoughts are that notwithstanding parental ignorance, you might be able to train the children and at least possibly reduce some practices which could contribute to better hygiene in the day care center, and thus possibly reduce some element of risk.
OTOH, I think that sooner or later smaller businesses are going to be shutting down, and there is that possibility. I'm not trying to be discouraging, just cautioning you to consider that option.
Several years ago, 2 years into my mom's NH stay due to dementia,CHF and a broken hip, my mom ended up in Septic shock in the hospital. Although she survived, it was clear at that point that every hospitalization set her back several steps. We started practicing "less is more" care and signed off on the NH not sending her to the ER any longer without consulting us.
They successfully treated two more bouts of pneumonia and a UTI "in house" before she died.
I think you are doing the right thing.
So what do I do? Quit a job I need to make ends meet? Insist that my director at the daycare clamp down on these parents? Right now we send a child home only if they have a fever. Parents dose them with Tylenol to drop the fever. I’m scared I will pass something to my husband again. And,this time he would not recover.