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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mom is 91 has fairly advanced dementia and has been in assisted care units for years. She stopped eating 8 days ago. She has diabetes and has now show kidney failure.
Just now coming to grips over Dad's passing 2+ yrs ago. In hindsight, I was ignorant that he was that close to leaving - I had no experience with that. Hospice was called but hardest part was finding out from nurse that he had called for us and mother said no not yet. Few days earlier he was up and going. Next day or so he was pretty much nonresponsive although he did respond slightly to our music. Will never know what he wanted to say but must forgive her...she was distraught and not accepting. Tough situation.
My father got to where he could no longer swallow. That led to pneumonia. It was the end. We had to accept that. Hardest thing I have ever done. We did hospice for a few days. He told me he loves me. I dont miss the way he was. I miss my dad from 20 years ago. He always showed me some love.
I'm so sorry for your loss Tmarie. Coming up on a year for my mom. It's sad but so glad she's not suffering anymore and I know in my heart that she's so happy being with my sister. My friends mom lasted 5 weeks with nothing. No food, no fluid. The body is a strange thing and each one is so different. God Bless and lots of hugs. It's not easy to say the least to see someone you love waste away and leave you.
As far as wondering if one near death is suffering if they are not speaking... the hospice nurse on the night of my mom's death gave me helpful insight. Mom was indeed struggling to breathe due to fluid in lungs. Very distressing to see. However, the nurse told us to look at her features. Her face was relaxed and smooth, there was no visible tension. She told us the breathing is reflexive. The heart was strongly doing what it was supposed to do, the lungs were also doing the job it was supposed to do, but mom was actively dying and unaware of her reflexes here. This was end-stage and it really did help me to identify her relaxed look apart from what I was seeing in her attempts to breathe. This may not be what you were asking, but I was comforted then and since. I learned much from hospice nurses. The attempt to feed or give liquid near death is not what is needed AND it is a more comfortable passing without the introduction of more for the body to handle. It is so contrary to what we think we need to do for our loved one, but having gone through it, I do know that now. We all want to do exactly what is right and I appreciate the knowledge of those who guide us in hospice. I pray your time and mom's final time is full of peace.
My older sister, a registered nurse with advanced degrees, told me our mother was shutting down and not to worry that her lack of fluids was painful to the patient as it was not. She died in a week and with a calm, small smile on her face.
Caring-- I am sorry for what you're going through. The body can sustain itself for several weeks on fluids alone, hence why many people who choose DNR ask for no liquids other than by mouth. It does hasten death, to keep someone so ill on IV's but if that is her choice, so be it.
Don't even try to wrap your brain around a kidney transplant for someone so elderly and in such poor shape. It simply wouldn't be done, even with a willing donor. Your mom could not handle what that entails.
I'm not sure how long you can live on just IV fluids especially in this condition you're describing. However, have you checked into possibly getting her on the donor list? Just a thought but get her diabetes under control and another thing I would do is check her electrolyte levels because lack of electrolytes can damage kidneys. Sport drinks are known to help with maintaining electrolytes and without enough of them, you would die
My mom refused to eat for more than two months while she was in long term care.
She would tell me that she wasn't hungry. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get her to eat. However, she did drink thickened drinks. I'm sure the liquids are what kept her alive.
One early morning while I was visiting her, she told me that she was "as hungry as H*ll" and asked if I could get her a little something to eat. (Those words brought happy tears to my eyes).
We had to make sure that she ate slowly and didn't give her too much food to start with. Over the next few months she was eating seconds and thirds of the pureed food.
I am sorry for what you're going through. My DH is 96 in 3 weeks. He stopped eating in the Spring of this year and through Probiotics and Supplements, I have him eating 3 meals again. There is always a reason for not eating - it isn't always "his time" but sometimes there is gas in the stomach that makes them not hungry. With Ray it was Candida Overgrowth. With a lot of online assistance, I finally diagnosed this after his 2nd Thrush Mouth incident. You don't have to give up until she is gone - call in the dietician, physician, anyone that can assist you at the nursing home. Too many things are overlooked in the elderly.
I'm glad to see you care - caring means you will ask for help for your mother. Dementia is related to poor nutrition and although we like to think differently, NH's are not known for good nutrition. The food is put down. If the patient doesn't eat, it is then thrown away. My Ray's DIL sent him a "care package of healthy crap" and that started his recovery 6 months ago!
The first thing we used was a "Greens Supplement" and he now gets Barlean's Chocolate Silk Greens in his hot cocoa every morning. Along with ice cream in the cocoa.
My Mom passed a week and a half ago from this ugly disease. She barely ate for five months but continued to drink Sprite. Mom went a month without a bite of food. Once her kidneys shut down, she passed 8 days later. Mom's weight dropped from 112 in Nov to in the 60's Aug 10th when she left this earth to join my Daddy in Heaven. She sleep a lot the last two months of her life. Mom would speak and interact for short periods of time up until the day before she passed. God bless your Mom, you and your family now, and in the days ahead.
Did they say what stage of kidney failure? People can live two or three weeks without eating if they are getting fluids. However, if she is in end-stage kidney failure, she will pass more quickly. I am sorry. We can't really predict the timing of death with any accuracy. Each person chooses their own time. If your mother stopped eating, she has probably chosen to cross to the other side. It is a good thing for her, but hard for the family to go through. Big hugs as you are going through it. I hope she passes peacefully.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Yes, fluid intake is mandatory or dehydration sets in with a "whole 'nuther set of problems."
I am so glad Mama is eating again, even if only small amounts!
Hugs,
Linda
FYI.
Mama is doing better am thinking she suffered a TAI stroke but no one really knows. However, she is eating by spoon feeding.
I am sorry for what you're going through. The body can sustain itself for several weeks on fluids alone, hence why many people who choose DNR ask for no liquids other than by mouth. It does hasten death, to keep someone so ill on IV's but if that is her choice, so be it.
Don't even try to wrap your brain around a kidney transplant for someone so elderly and in such poor shape. It simply wouldn't be done, even with a willing donor. Your mom could not handle what that entails.
I wish you strength through this trial.
I just read your post that your mom passed away. I am so very sorry for your loss.
I regret that I posted my earlier post.
:( Sally
She would tell me that she wasn't hungry. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get her to eat. However, she did drink thickened drinks. I'm sure the liquids are what kept her alive.
One early morning while I was visiting her, she told me that she was "as hungry as H*ll" and asked if I could get her a little something to eat. (Those words brought happy tears to my eyes).
We had to make sure that she ate slowly and didn't give her too much food to start with. Over the next few months she was eating seconds and thirds of the pureed food.
Best wishes.
You don't have to give up until she is gone - call in the dietician, physician, anyone that can assist you at the nursing home. Too many things are overlooked in the elderly.
I'm glad to see you care - caring means you will ask for help for your mother. Dementia is related to poor nutrition and although we like to think differently, NH's are not known for good nutrition. The food is put down. If the patient doesn't eat, it is then thrown away. My Ray's DIL sent him a "care package of healthy crap" and that started his recovery 6 months ago!
The first thing we used was a "Greens Supplement" and he now gets Barlean's Chocolate Silk Greens in his hot cocoa every morning. Along with ice cream in the cocoa.
Can mom stay in her current facility while on IV ? answer "yes".
Thanks to all of you for your helpful replies.
It is very hard to determine if she is suffering or not as she is not speaking.
Must be so difficult
God bless
Hope you can rest In the coming days