I am the caregiver for my mother-in-law. She is not hard to get along with, but I'm so sick of being her caregiver. I've been taking care of her in some capacity for 6 years.
She is bedbound and only uses the bedpan. I'm the only one who can put her on the bedpan. She stays in our living room. My spouse and I have no privacy. The house constantly smells like poop. I do go out to breakfast with friends on occasion. It's not like I never get out but as soon as I get home she needs the bedpan. If you took the bedpan out of the equation, it wouldn't be near as bad. I basically do everything for her except feed her.
My husband and I have agreed that should she be hospitalized, we will pursue nursing home placement. She is 96. I don't wish she would die, I just wish she wouldn't live with us anymore.
Give you a lot of credit because once she was bedbound, it would have been LTC.
” I just wish she wouldn’t live with us anymore “. Your words . Tell your husband these words and that you’re done .
I do not understand the hospital thing, but you need to do what yuou need to do, it is just that simple.
Sending support your way!
Either that or you tell hubby that he's now going to have to step up and put his mom on the bedpan and then clean her up afterwards, as you can't do it anymore. I'll put money on the fact that after 24 hours he will be looking himself for the quickest place for her to move to ASAP.
You and your husband deserve to have your house to yourself and for it not to smell like poop all the time. That is just nasty.
I wish you well in finding the right facility for your MIL to move to if your hubby doesn't beat you to it after you give up helping with the bedpan and make him do it.
Pick out a good, reputable, close facility. Have her go in on private pay. Make sure it accepts Medicaid. Then when she is close to running out of money (like 4-6 months) apply for Medicaid.
You and husband at least have a plan in place. I don't know MIL's level of awareness. It would be very difficult now to move her, but this is a matter of personal survival at times. There should be no reason that you have to go literally crazy with care that's more appropriate for several shifts of several people each. You aren't a Saint. It's a bad job description, anyway, as I always so.
Again, only YOU can make this decision for yourself. I could no more have done it for one year than the man in the moon. I don't understand how you can continue . But I am not you. I wish you the very best.