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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If you have moved into your daughter's place you and she should NOW attend an elder law attorney. 1) You need GOOD advice, not the opinion of those of us caregivers on a Forum. In some states, if you pay your daughter "rental" that is almost always "income" to her and it would increase her taxes. So an elder law advisor can help you avoid that for her by making this a "shared living costs contract". 2) That will also prevent you being accused in future of "gifting" your daughter, which, should you ever need Medicaid would prevent your applications for it until 5 years had passed without giving any money away.
Just from those two examples you see the importance of doing this and doing it right! Your care contract would stand to prove you are paying living costs. And it would be an agreement you could reassess yearly or as often as you choose. It would address also 1. Privacy concerns 2. Shopping and cooking 3. Transportation to appointments considerations and on and on and on.
You would enter your daughter's home understanding just what and how much of it is YOUR home. Just exactly what the expectations of for everything from laundry to yard work.
Good luck. The better you get this ironed out now is the better it will go for the future. It is very difficult to live with others, whether spouse, child, roommate, and mother-daughter is often one of the most fraught situations there is. An Elder Law Attorney will cost you about 1,000 for a few hours of time and perhaps a bit more for that care contract and is well worth it in terms of things you will be FORCED to discuss now and avoid thereby what you see all over the pages of this forum.
I don't think there is any set formula. It comes down to what you can afford and that you have enough left over to care for yourself. 30% of your monthly income seems fair but you need enough left over for cost of health insurance, your car maintenance if you have one, copays and deductables. Prescriptions. Clothing. Food u like that others don't. I think you need to sit down with your daughter and work this out. A list of your monthly expeditures and a list of hers. Then what incime you have. Then right up a contract. Both of you sign it, have it witnessed and notarized.
My Mom lives next door to me in a house that she used to own (and now we own it). It's a small, 1-car garage, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, etc. I researched the market rate for housing in our zip code, then it's pretty steep so I just calculate her costs to live there (her renter's insurance, a share of the property taxes and homeowner's, her own utilities, some maintenance & some upkeep), certain services. It's $750 a month and doesn't include food. It's basically a pass-through, we don't technically profit from her living there but it's a win-win because she'd never pay that in the open rental market. Her SS is $1600 p/month.
Then since I now do most of her grocery shopping and cooking, she also contributes $150 p/m for food. I don't keep a strict accounting on what she owes me.
Your living with your daughter should at the very minimum not put a financial burden on her.
If you want to be truly independent you can look into section 8 housing through your county social services. She will gradually take more and more care of you as you decline. Does she want to do this? Is she able to? Does she have a husband and kids and feel the impact of losing all her privacy? Are you willing to assign her as your PoA now?
Please read the scads of posts under the forum topic: Burnout. Many a well-meaning parent and child enter into an arrangement that seemed like a good idea at the time but then turned into a flaming pile of poo. Just saying that both of you need to go into this with your eyes wide open.
Personally I feel that an equal share of ALL expenses is fair. By ALL I mean if there are 3 people in the house then you pay 1/3 the mortgage, all utilities, gas, water, garbage and so on. And you also do your fair share of tasks around the house. If you can not afford your share then lessen the load by using benefits you are able to get. If you are eligible for Food Assistance (some call it Food Stamps, in some areas it is SNAP or EBT (SNAP= Supplemental Nutrition Assistance and EBT = Electronic Benefit Card. Here in Illinoi SNAP benefits are on a Link card)
This is also a question for your daughter. Is you living with her putting a larger financial strain on her? Is she in an apartment or a house? If an apartment is there a bedroom for each of you? If not this may go against code and she may have to get a larger apartment, did she put you on the lease? If no t the landlord may use that as a reason to evict.
If you do not want this to be a permanent move then start putting your name on the list for Senior Housing. there is generally a waiting list. Check with your local Senior Service Center or Area Agency on Aging.
It is also a good idea to have an agreement drawn up. As good as things are now you can never tell what might happen.
And I guess the BIG questions is... Are you in good health? Do you expect your daughter to care for you if you need care? If so this is not fair to her and you need to rethink what your plans are and make adjustments. Do not make her promise to care of you or to "never put me in a home"!
Another way to look at it is total up all the housing expenses (insurance, taxes, utilities, mortgage, etc.) then divide that by the number of people in the household. If it's only you and your daughter, divide by two. That would be the housing part of expenses, but then there's also your share of food and supplies (e.g., toilet paper, detergent) if you are combining your expenses for that and not buying your own. Think of it as a room-mate situation: what would you be paying if you lived in an apartment or home with a room-mate? Oh, and if you don't have transportation and rely on daughter for that, you'd want to consider helping out with gas at least.
I would say 33% of your income if you are completely independent. For example, if you earn $2000 a month in SS, $700 a month would be fair. That is what senior low income apartments charge.
It depends on the cost of living in your area as to a share of expenses. Also any required caregiving should be documented if paid for should you need Medicaid and reported by daughter as income.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
1) You need GOOD advice, not the opinion of those of us caregivers on a Forum. In some states, if you pay your daughter "rental" that is almost always "income" to her and it would increase her taxes. So an elder law advisor can help you avoid that for her by making this a "shared living costs contract".
2) That will also prevent you being accused in future of "gifting" your daughter, which, should you ever need Medicaid would prevent your applications for it until 5 years had passed without giving any money away.
Just from those two examples you see the importance of doing this and doing it right!
Your care contract would stand to prove you are paying living costs. And it would be an agreement you could reassess yearly or as often as you choose. It would address also
1. Privacy concerns
2. Shopping and cooking
3. Transportation to appointments considerations
and on and on and on.
You would enter your daughter's home understanding just what and how much of it is YOUR home. Just exactly what the expectations of for everything from laundry to yard work.
Good luck. The better you get this ironed out now is the better it will go for the future. It is very difficult to live with others, whether spouse, child, roommate, and mother-daughter is often one of the most fraught situations there is. An Elder Law Attorney will cost you about 1,000 for a few hours of time and perhaps a bit more for that care contract and is well worth it in terms of things you will be FORCED to discuss now and avoid thereby what you see all over the pages of this forum.
Then since I now do most of her grocery shopping and cooking, she also contributes $150 p/m for food. I don't keep a strict accounting on what she owes me.
Your living with your daughter should at the very minimum not put a financial burden on her.
If you want to be truly independent you can look into section 8 housing through your county social services. She will gradually take more and more care of you as you decline. Does she want to do this? Is she able to? Does she have a husband and kids and feel the impact of losing all her privacy? Are you willing to assign her as your PoA now?
Please read the scads of posts under the forum topic: Burnout. Many a well-meaning parent and child enter into an arrangement that seemed like a good idea at the time but then turned into a flaming pile of poo. Just saying that both of you need to go into this with your eyes wide open.
If you can not afford your share then lessen the load by using benefits you are able to get. If you are eligible for Food Assistance (some call it Food Stamps, in some areas it is SNAP or EBT (SNAP= Supplemental Nutrition Assistance and EBT = Electronic Benefit Card. Here in Illinoi SNAP benefits are on a Link card)
This is also a question for your daughter. Is you living with her putting a larger financial strain on her? Is she in an apartment or a house? If an apartment is there a bedroom for each of you? If not this may go against code and she may have to get a larger apartment, did she put you on the lease? If no t the landlord may use that as a reason to evict.
If you do not want this to be a permanent move then start putting your name on the list for Senior Housing. there is generally a waiting list. Check with your local Senior Service Center or Area Agency on Aging.
It is also a good idea to have an agreement drawn up.
As good as things are now you can never tell what might happen.
And I guess the BIG questions is...
Are you in good health?
Do you expect your daughter to care for you if you need care?
If so this is not fair to her and you need to rethink what your plans are and make adjustments.
Do not make her promise to care of you or to "never put me in a home"!