My mother is 93 and has been in a nursing home for about 5 years. Obviously her condition has progressed and I am not sure she knows exactly who I am when I visit. I do know that she gets very upset now when she gets visitors and it upsets her whole day. I know she doesn't remember from one day to the next, so even if I could visit daily, her reaction would be the same...upsetting for her. There is much guilt on my part because I didn't have a choice but to put her in a nursing facility. I know she gets very good care there, it's a small facility for Alzheimer patients. I am struggling, making myself visit, when I know the visit won't be pleasant for her or me and am I doing it to satisfy my guilt or because it benefits her in some way. I don't see how being upset for an entire day benefits her at all...just so I won't feel guilty.
ok Stacy B, let's say for kicks & giggles, let's say I asked a question such as; "what would anyone suggest I do regarding the guilt I have about Not wanting to go see "so & so any more" ... what would you try and offer me as advice ...
I don't think I've ever said goodbye to her But I make a big deal of saying hello to her
This has given her some comfort but is oftentimes exhausting for me as I'm there for hours with my own demanding job
Recently she has been hospitalized and is now very weak and so I'm struggling to adjust the routine at least on the weekends
Unfortunately most places are understaffed and family involvement makes a difference
My relationship with the evening caregivers is much different than with the daytime ones who seldom see me
Other residents do struggle after family visits as they're left behind - the visits aren't the problem it's the departure
I personally visit 3-4 times a week and I really don't want to go more often- I'm just too tired
This is the way to make a win/win situation - you see her & interact with her but her being upset should go away as you become part of the furniture - check with those running the place how best to ease into this
Go same time each week & this is something that will become routine for you both - I'm sure the staff would love a helping hand just talking to several of the residents but limit the number of times a week you go