I have posted on here before, about caring for my father who was abusive during my childhood. I've been caring for my father in my home since January 2021. My brother has been here 1 time to give me a break. And he stayed about an hour. Anyway, fast forward. I am struggling. Caregiving is hard enough with out adding the dynamic of past abuse. So, I have spoke to my brother about selling my dad's house to pay for care or possibly a Skilled nursing facility (my dad is also aware that I am selling his house so I can pay for help). I am working with a realtor. My dad's house was full of stuff and the yard was full of junk too. On the advice of the realtor, we needed to clean up the yard and house. My brother said he would take care of it. A few weeks went by and he didn't do a thing.
So I hired a guy with a trailer to help remove the junk. He hauled away about 3/4 of the junk (most of what was left was his stepkids furniture). So, My brother said not to pay anyone he would finish up the next weekend. That weekend passed and he didn't do a thing.
At the advice of a lawyer, I gave him a deadline. When I did that, the sh!t hit the fan. He did a 180 on me and started cussing me and insulting me, then hung up on me. But not before he made a remark that he is not getting sh!t out of this. I was very hurt and angry. I didn't want to see his face, or hear what he had to say since then. So I blocked him. Done with him. I sent a certified letter giving them 30 days to remove the furniture and other stuff. He started texting my husband to get to me, with more insults. And also texted my husband that I am going to sell the house and keep all the money to myself.
So, it's obvious where his priorities lie. He could care less about my dad, or me. Over the last 3 years that I have been caring for my dad in my home (on and off) he has visited less than 5 times. I have to ask him to visit. I am so sad that my brother did this 180, is being hurtful and not helpful. He wants money from the sale of my dad's house. If I didn't have to account for it all when Medicaid gets involved I would just give him the money and tell him not to ever contact me again. I am so sad. I know I don't have to see him for 30 days, but the conflict hits me right in the heart. Thanks for being here for me to get this off my chest.
It's unfortunate that he isn't helping you with care, but (and perhaps sadly), it's irrelevant to determination of what he'll inherit.
My dad is not good enough for him but his money is.
He doesn't care about me or our dad. The money from the sale is going towards his care. I need to hire nurses and eventually he will go into a full time care facility. And when he does, he will eventually need medicaid.
Medicaid goes back several years into finances. I have to account for everything. I can't just let my brother take half of it.
All this makes me sad.
Who has POA to sell the house? I hope it's you!
My SIL was POA for her Mom and sold her home for a good price. First thing out of her sister's mouth was how much was she going to get.
I bet your SIL's sister was unpleasantly surprised by getting nothing or next to.
To be honest with you, your best bet would be to just to have the realtor list your father's house for sale 'as is'. There's really no point in even cleaning the place up and trying to get the best price. It will all be going to a nursing home anyway, so why trouble yourself with the stress of trying to get them even more cash before Medicaid starts paying?
Forget about your brother. He hasn't done anything to help and I'm sure won't be helping out in the future.
Make things easier in yourself and just have the realtor take care of everything by listing the property for sale 'as is'.
Your husband should block him. Don't listen to his negative cruel comments. It's sad that he is acting like this, but now you know what he's really like. You can not count on him or trust him to do what's right. Well, I guess we can give him a little teeny bit of a break for maybe just being ignorant on how Medicaid works. Although it is hurtful, you can try to just remind yourself that it isn't worth getting into it with him and if he chooses to be that way, you can choose to not have him and that negativity in your life.
Sorry that you're dealing with all this....
You are more gracious then I am in these situations. Been there done that and cannot believe how low people can be with greed.