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Hi all, first time poster with a mundane question: how to handle my dad's mail/bills efficiently.


My dad's recently moved to assisted living in an adjoining state because of cognitive issues, and I'm now handling his finances and healthcare issues (I've got PoA, etc.). I'm wondering how best to handle the issue of his "address".


Now that Dad's doctors have been updated about his move, he's starting to get some medical bills sent to him at the assisted living facility. I'd rather those bills get sent to me, so that I can pay them promptly and reduce the risk of Dad losing them/forgetting to give them to me. I've looked into online billing/statements/etc. for everything I can, trying to move to email/online payments and eliminate paper mail. Still, not everyone offers it, and I'm terrified that I'm going to miss something.


How best to deal with this? Tell all his doctors that his address is my address, so all correspondence comes to me? Keep playing whack-a-mole, telling individual doctors that he lives at the ALF address but to use my address as the billing address?


And what about things like insurance/Medicare/pension/Social Security? I feel like telling them his "address" is mine in a different state could cause confusion. Is there a way to clarify for them where he lives vs. where notices and such should be sent?


I don't want to cause confusion about where Dad actually lives, but don't want to miss anything important, either. The assisted living facility offered to forward any mail Dad gets to me (other than magazines/cards/etc.), and initially I told them that wasn't necessary because I didn't want Dad to feel like he had no knowledge of what was going on, but now I'm wondering if that's the best solution. Any advice?

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I was POA and I had all mail forwarded to my address. It made things much easier.
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
Thanks! I'm planning on forwarding all the mail from his old apartment to me eventually, once I'm no longer going up to that town anymore. Bonus is that'll cut out all the political mail and random junk mail he accumulates, too! :)
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Switch everything to his name at your address. Life will be much, MUCH easier.
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
Thanks. I keep getting caught up in the idea that places will wonder what's up, that this guy's address is in another state, but then again, I imagine it's not all that uncommon, if someone's coming from an AL facility...
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My mother’s Assisted Living Memory Care generally forwards to me the odd thing that gets through.

But every once in awhile, I find mail in her room. This is usually caused by a substitute receptionist not realizing the procedure for the Memory Care.

Perhaps you could double check with the Executive Director of your father’s AL, and ask that all mail be forwarded to you, just in case you haven’t caught something.

My mom has had medical services there that were new to her, as well as to me. So, you may have to come back to address the mail issue in the future.

Best wishes.
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
Thanks! Yeah, I'm wondering if having the facility forward things to me as a fallback might be best. The AL started doing that, but at the time I wasn't sure if maybe Dad would be able to handle some of his affairs on his own, so I told them it wasn't necessary. But now I just don't know if it's worth the risk of me wondering "where will that ambulance bill be mailed to? What about that new doctor's bill, when it comes?" Like you say, there's always things that slip through....
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Once my Mom was in care I had her bills reverted to me. She still had her house so I let the utility bills and taxes, ect continued to go there. I lived around a big block so was there all the time checking up on things.

Hospital bills I had sent to my home. I did have a problem with one admitting person who said Moms legal Address was the AL and that is the address that had to be used. I told her, then u won't get paid. If the address on the bill was not exact, like the room# was omitted, it was sorted later and left in the residents room or handed to them. And we know what happens to that bill if its given to someone who suffers from a Dementia. I called the Hospitals billing office about another matter and while talking to her I told her what I was told about the address. She told me the admitting person was wrong and changed the billing address to my house.

I gave the Church, friends and family Moms address at the AL so the cards they sent she would get there.

I see no problem having bills reverted to you. I don't do it but my nephew 31 and grandson 27 use apps to pay their bills monthly. If my husband was not so old fashioned I probably would try that.
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
Thanks! Yes, I'm trying to get as many things as possible to just email when something is due and I can pay online, so it cuts out snail mail completely. It's worked for some things nicely, but others it's just not available.

I'd wondered if folks could run into the problem you describe, where places don't really want to accommodate a different billing address from the person's actual residence. You'd think that a lot of places would recognize that sometimes it's necessary.
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Easier. Have a set of bank checks made with your father’s name as line one, and YOUR NAME followed by (POA) AND YOUR ADDRESS as line two and three.

Pay your father’s bills with the checks and the address (yours) on the check will become the address that the mail will be sent to.

For taxes, you will use the check deposit/payment record.

If you are Designated Payee for Dad’s SS BENEFITS, they can be direct deposited to the checking account, and you can do your annual report based on the records in the checking account.

Good Luck!
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
aaah, sneaky idea with the checks, thanks! He named me as a joint owner of his checking account where his SS benefits go, so I wasn't sure if messing with being SS Designated Payee was really necessary or not. Right now, his money goes there, and I can write checks from there, so I've just left it as-is.... Is there a better way to handle it?
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see above
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Yes, be patient and call the Medicare and SS office for guidance. They can keep you on hold for a good amount of time but neither can keep you from the information you need. Write your questions prior, they'll answer all. So find out from them. Do it again if needed.
As far as bill/payor address.....at my age & experience I'm 101% sure that anyone your dad owes money to would absolutely appreciate a billing address. So feel free to give yours.
And don't feel terrible if you missed something......they'll find him/you. Relax.

You are the POA. It's an important role. It's a role of responsibility.
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AnnReid Aug 2021
IF the local Social Security regional office is open, pick out a good book, and if you can, take a day off from work or personal responsibilities, AND GO IN PERSON. You’ll be there for a couple or three hours or so, but much more likely to get answers and useful info.

Works MUCH better than phone contact, at least in my neck of the woods.
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I was Mom's POA and took care of all her bills. I had them all sent to my address because she would often forget to give them to me when I visited. It took some time and effort to get it all organized. Some, especially banks, required a copy of the POA. Some I was able to set up auto payments from her bank account. Some required a verbal agreement from mom. For SS and Medicare and VA pension I had to be appointed her fiduciary because the federal government doesn’t recognize POAs.

I also made a point of reviewing the bills with her once a month and showing her the bank statements so she felt like she had some control and input.
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
Thanks for the info. Good to know about SS/Medicare - that seems complicated enough that I'll probably need to talk to someone there to find out what I'll need to do.

Also great point about reviewing bills, etc. I think Dad would appreciate that, too.
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I would use his address as his physical address and your address as the mailing address.

Being across state lines could cause you problems if his physical location comes to question.

I did this with my dad and never had any problems. Computer programs are designed to send to the mailing address.
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
Thanks! Yes, definitely will do this if places have a separate "mailing address" or "billing address" option. And yes, I definitely don't want to confuse anyone about where he's physically residing!
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If you have his POA, go to the post office where your father's assisted living facility is and change his mailing address to yours even if you are not in the same state. If you are the person legally handling his affairs then any paperwork for him like bills or banking statements needs to get sent to you directly.
This is what I did when I was POA for my father. Went to the post office with my POA documents, filled out the change of address forms there, and changed his mailing address.
Whatever bills or mail comes goes through the post office. It will be forwarded on to you.
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
Thanks! Yes, did this just this last week, once I'd moved him out of his apartment completely.
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Set up online pay from dad's bank account. Have the bills emailed to you.
This has worked wonderfully for my parents and aunt.

You can discontinue all paper bills. Dad will not have to see bills and fret over them.

For the bills that do not have email, does Dad's mail come to a mailbox in assisted living?

You can have a separate billing address on each account if needed.
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WanderingAster Aug 2021
Thank you! Yes, I've been setting up online payments and paperless billing everywhere I can, and trying to give them my address as the "billing address". He's at a small facility, so I think they just hand him his mail, but I've also gone ahead and asked the facility folks to forward any bill-looking things to me that sneak through. I'm trying to curate who has his address (as opposed to mine), so hopefully that won't happen often, but every now and then a doctor's office or something sends a bill directly to him, not realizing he's not handling it himself.
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When my father was in rehab, I submitted a change of address to the post office, but checked his mail at home regularly until the change went into effect.  If I remember correctly, I showed one of the post office staffers a conformed copy of Dad's DPOA.

I don't deal with paperless billing, so I don't know if you have access to print outs, but for security and future purposes, you need to have documentation on how funds were spent.   This is for both your security as well as your father's, and any potential challenges to how you're managing your proxy role. 

In addition, I'm assuming that you may need the data for preparation of taxes, at a minimum to determine what may qualify.     And on that issue, something like a heating credit for the elderly might be something that would require referring to past bills, as in Michigan it's incumbent on the taxpayer to itemize those kinds of credits for preparing state taxes.    The providers don't provide separate itemizations.
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InFamilyService Aug 2021
Paperless billing can always be printed out if you want for your records.

Snail mail is very inefficient where I live and mail is often lost or sent to neighbors.

I would prefer to pay bill's by phone than
send a check.

You are correct that detailed records need to be kept however it works for you.
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