How to get my mom to eat?

What do you mean by "she eats like a bird".

I eat maybe a bowl of cereal and toast, bagel or a tea biscuit with jelly for breakfast. No lunch, just snack on stuff. Usually my sweet time. Then I have dinner I cook or we eat out. No snacks at night. I don't eat over 1500 cal a day. I am 74.

Write down what Mom eats in a day. You may be surprised she is getting the calories she needs. Boost is a good way to add to her diet. I put the choco. One in the freezer for an hr or so. It thickens up like a milk shake, pretty good. The colder that stuff is the better.

Mom may need labs done. She could be anemic. Potassium could be low especially if she takes water pills. Thyroid problems too. Then u can mention her appetite. There is medication for stimulating it.

I used to get annoyed that my mom didn't finish the meals I made for her - looking back I know that it contributed to her weight loss and weakness, which contributed to her falling, which was the beginning of her decline.

First I'd investigate a little about why she isn't eating to make sure it isn't something you can correct like a dental or oral problem, stomach upsets or bowel difficulties. If her calorie intake is really too low this is what those nutritional supplements like ensure and boost were invented for, beyond that you can focus on adding easier to eat higher calorie foods to your meals (smaller meals plus snacks may help too).

Most elders eat less and less, and in fact I at 81 basically eat a meal a day. If you notice, most elders you see don't weigh a whole lot; I can't tell if that means that overweight keeps many shut ins when joints get more worn, or if it is just a fact that those morbidly overweight do not live as long.

At this age, why would you worry about how much and what your elder is eating? There is little likelihood at my age of 81 someone will write my obit opining that I died much too young. We all are headed the same place. I would think at 92 we should be able to eat whatever we like, personally.

When the body begins to shut down, it will actually reject food.

My MIL has lived on 300-400 cals a day for 9 months now. She lost some weight in the beginning, but is (unbelievably!!) stable now. Goes to show--we probably eat way more than we really need.

Also, if she feels 'guilty' b/c one of the kids brings her food, she'll try to eat and then she vomits it all up.

Basically, she's living on BOOST. And 1-8 oz Diet Coke per day.

If she's in pretty good shape for her age and independent then she can certainly decide when she is going to eat and how much.

Maybe put out snacks that she likes so she can snack during the day without the production or effort of cooking.

If she is weak and tired all the time it might not be because she isn't eating enough it may be an underlying health issue or a reaction to meds she is taking.

My mom lost the initiative to feed herself and I had to feed her for many years, if I had followed the advice some people here tend to give I probably would have just assumed she was close to dying (in fact I was told she was close to dying when her BP dropped dramatically, that turned out to be because she no longer needed some of her medications). I struggled with knowing what was right and ethical and finally decided that as long as she willingly ate when fed I was doing the right thing; she never refused to open her mouth or swallow or spat the food out. All this is a long way to say that everyone is different and you know your own circumstances better than any of us.

Try putting out some Haagen Dasz ice cream for dessert which has a ridiculous amount of calories in a scoop. Or make her a small milkshake with some, even better, as a treat.

Bring her a frozen pumpkin swirl coffee drink from Dunkin Donuts. One serving has 980 calories in it. Shocking, I know. 🙄

Bring home pot pies from Boston Market which are also calorie dense.

Kentucky Fried Chicken extra crispy is another ridiculously high calorie food.

Keep the portions SMALL, but the calories HIGH...thats the key with people who don't like to eat much.

She is 92, so let her not eat if she doesn't want to. Or let her eat as many calorie-laden foods as she wants. It is her decision, not yours. You don't want to prolong her life if it will only get worse. Let her go.

My mom began to eat less, I found she lost the taste for things she traditionally really like and started to enjoy foods that normally she would not eat. Her preferences changed. She was a vegetarian so getting protein in her was difficult. So I tried new foods. Some worked well.

I also concentrated on high calorie and not necessary volume. So, it was about what she ate and drank, not how much. I tried to measure the calories since she would not eat three meals a day.

It is a challenge for sure. Good luck,

You have to. It is her life, not yours.

You could take her for a check-up. She may be anemic, and that's why she feels weak and tired. Try giving her red meat and spinach, or other foods that have iron. But she should have a check-up. My mom is 93 and she takes iron pulls because she doesn't like to eat red meat. She became iron deficient and very weak as a result. But now she's fine.

I give my 96 year old mother nutrient-dense foods that she likes, early in the day, (eg. liver pate, sausages, whole milk, etc.) and supplement with ensure or ice cream for extra calories at the end of the day. During the day, I try to slip in fruits and vegetables such as lima beans and kiwi for regular bowel movements. I realize that if she gets her own meals that would be harder to do.
I have learned that the principles of traditional diets are very helpful in designing a good dietary regimen, (www.westonaprice.org).

Try one of the meal replacement shakes. My mom likes the Cafe Latte ones at Sam's Club, name brand Premier. Also, who decides what she eats? Give her choices. Also, I buy my mom cookie-like bars, such as Nature Valley Peanut Butter and chocolate wafers. I also keep her stocked up on yogurt. You cannot force her to eat, but you can put tempting things around her and allow her free choice. My mom would rather drink a shake or eat a yogurt and a bar than eat a regular meal. Whatever you do, do not make it a battle because this is one area she can exercise control. And, she will.

I would focus on healthy small meals and snacks. I'm not saying "no" to ice cream and shakes" but don't think that's the answer.
I'm a nurse that works with seniors. Appetite often dwindles.
They seem to enjoy shakes. Make them healthy. I made one with blueberries, threw some kale in,
and the patient never knew.
Hope this helps.
I would be attentive to the matter but not worry too much right now.
Bless you for all you do for your Mom.

After fighting the battle with my father and then my mother I came to realize that you can't force them to eat. At their age they are really able to eat what they want. My sister and I spent days and days searching for the perfect food, creating menus with pictures, trying anything we thought they would like. Cooking for hours without success. In the end I mourn the amount of time I spent fighting to find the perfect food. I am sorry to have made the remaining time with them so focused on something that in the end really only made us anxious and depressed.

Have you tried protein bars? Atkins lower protein bars (like their 7 gram caramel chocolate nut roll) and Kind aren’t chalky. Or reducing her white sugar intake?

But the average life expectancy is 76.4 years. Your mom already beat the odds :)

What are feeding her? A full course meal breakfast, lunch and dinner? Does she like sweets like candy, lollipops 🍭 , oatmeals? Soups? Cakes?

I did that with my mother. She always had something in her mouth..

My Mom, who is 86 and has Lewy Body Dementia, started eating like a bird. During the first six months, while we were trying to get a diagnosis, we could only get her to eat literally a teaspoon of food at each meal. It didn't matter what kind of food it was - she just wouldn't eat. After eating a teaspoon, she would declare, "I'm full, full, full!" She lost 56 pounds in 6 months. She became frighteningly skinny and very cognitively impaired, beyond the LBD (she was starving her body and her brain). At one point, her doctor even discussed placing a feeding tube. Of course, that was to be a last resort. Before doing that, he decided to try finding a way to increase her appetite. He put her on 30mg of Mirtazapine per day. Mirtazapine is an antidepressant, and one of the side effects can be weight gain. It worked like a charm! Not only did her appetite increase, but her mood improved! She was hungry all the time, and wanted to eat every 2 hours. We loaded the house up with all kinds of healthy snacks, and a few not so healthy things for treats. We also added in the high calorie chocolate Ensure shakes. She gained back all the weight she lost, plus about 10 pounds. Her cognitive health improved dramatically, her energy level improved, her mood improved, and her sleep improved. Once we got her weight where it needed to be, we cut her Mirtazapine back to 15mg per day. She has been able to maintain her weight and appetite for the most part. When we do notice that she's not eating as much and is starting to lose weight, we bump her dose back up to 30mg until she levels out. We also started serving her meals on a full-size dinner plate, rather than the smaller salad plate she was used to. She has always liked to leave a little food on her plate, so by using a larger plate we can put more food on it and she can still leave a little food while actually eating a good portion.
Unfortunately the LBD has taken away her ability to understand the importance of good nutrition or to see the correlation between nutrition and how she feels. Luckily she has a doctor that was able to find a good "work around." We are able to treat two issues at once - the depression and her appetite. I'm not in any way saying this is a fix for everyone. However, it might be worth a conversation with her doctor. Best wishes!

I’m in the same position. My mom won’t eat or drink. I try to give her anything she will take from me. Sometimes it nothing at all. I try to make her but I don’t want to be arguing with her. They say when they get older they lose their appetite. Good Luck with everything.

Smoothies , yoghurt , soft cheeses , sorbet , rice pudding .

First...
Keep in mind that she is probably not expending calories like you or I do.
After a few weeks in the hospital and fighting a UTI can change a person.
While she was "fairly independent" before that has probably changed.
She may continue to decline and if she does she will eat less and less as her body will not need the energy it did before.
To push her to eat more than her body can process can cause problems. the food may come up possibly causing aspiration pneumonia or it can become bound up in the intestins or colon. (either may result in the need for surgery if it is not naturally eliminated)
Offer many little "snacks"
High calorie foods that she likes.
Forget the notion of a "well balanced diet"
Let her eat what she wants and when she wants.
Place a little fridge near where she likes to sit. Keep it stocked with things she likes.

You made the comment that you "dont want her to wittle away"
She WILL stop eating and drinking. This is a part of End Of Life.
PLEASE do not have a feeding tube or IV's placed to provide fluids and nutrion that her body will not need. To do so can cause pain and discomfort.
(Check out Hospice Nurse Julie on YouTube she has a lot of information on artificial nutrition at EOL)

All of the answers posted are good suggestion, As my husband ( with Alzheimer's) aged, he no longer wanted the full meals I had always prepared for him, and instead, a cup of tomato soup and maybe half a grilled cheese sandwich was fine.
I did tempt him with ice cream, and got him to drink a glass of milk with each meal, which provided more calories, and needed vitamins and calcium.
After he died at 91, I realized he also had some trouble swallowing, which is not unusual with dementia, but perhaps with just aging also. So, soups, shakes, and other liquids were easier than meats and vegetables to swallow.
It's not worth hasseling; let her eat what she wants.

I wish I had some profound advise to assist with your situation but mine is similar. My 85 year old mother refuses to eat or eats like a bird and doesn't understand why she gets sick when she takes her pills that state "to be taken with food". It too live with my mother and feel like broken record telling her to eat food and drink water. Only to be have her tell me I am nagging her. My heart goes out to you. I hope for the best for you and pray for answers.

Marijuana brownies. Seriously, my mom and dad ate better, slept better and did not have to take as much pain medication.

-Make sure your mom doesn’t have an undiagnosed condition like congestive heart failure. She is about the age my mom was when hers was discovered. Her chief complaint was loss of energy. She was normally very active. All her vitals were good.

-Have her thyroid checked. If she is on meds for thyroid, they may need adjusting.

-Also B vitamins are very important. Make sure her doctor checks them or explains why they aren’t being checked.

-A good multi vitamin can make a difference.

-See if her doctor will order therapy and test her joints, strength etc.
While my mom was in rehab I noticed she was eating with her left hand. I asked her why, she said her right arm wouldn’t work. She had “drop arm” and then later I was shown on X-ray that her rotator cuff was out of place. She had OT for the rest of her life and was able to use her right arm. When something doesn’t work right we have a tendency to quit using it. Especially if the person is not a complainer or has any mental decline. My mom was the type not to mention it because she would have already decided if was “just worn out”. That part was true but what she didn’t know was that therapy would help.

-DH aunt has dementia and is bed bound. She could feed herself easily until a few months ago. It wasn’t noticed that she wasn’t able to feed herself as well. We did notice that she was losing weight and had started appetite stimulate. she had speech therapy to make sure she was swallowing okay. No problem there. Then thinking the appetite stimulate wasn’t working, we changed it. One day I had taken her a chocolate shake, her favorite. Her hands were tucked under the covers so I held the shake where she could drink it.. In the past she objected to anyone trying to feed her. This time no objection. She was really enjoying the shake. I asked her hospice nurse to put an order in to start feeding her. That was the issue. She needed help eating. I know it sounds ridiculous that this was the case and it hadn’t been noticed. By the way, CNAs were reporting that she was eating. She was trying to eat but just disturbing the food. Not much making it to her mouth.

-even with all that, when I was there yesterday I noticed an ensure type drink open on her tray. It was in an opened carton, like a small milk carton…Just sitting there. When I did her laundry I noticed several of her white undershirts looked like they had spilled all over them an off white liquid. (alike baby formula). I assume she was trying to drink from the carton and it spilled. Another round of training the new CNAs and telling the kitchen not to just drop off a drink w/o letting the CNA know. (Sorry, a little side vent here). My point is, she may find it difficult or tiresome to feed herself. she may not have noticed this herself, just doesn’t feel like eating. Another reason to simplify her food, don’t serve too much, cut into small attractive bites, put it near where she sits, etc and know that it doesn’t take a lot of food for someone who is just sitting.

But be careful if you feed her. Both my parents died of aspiration pneumonia. Take it slow and easy. Don’t rush her.

It does wear the caregiver down trying to see that they get what they need, so I completely understand your post.

I would get her a good check up, try the therapy and not say too much about it to her.

Make sure she weighs on a regular basis so you have a guideline as to how big a problem it is. Check her BMI to see if she is considered underweight for her height. (although BMI is getting a lot of push back these days as not a valid measure, it is what most doctors still use.).

Lots of mini meals. Cute sliders instead of overwhelming burgers.

Many small snacking meals.

Aim for calorie dense choices. Try new restaurants. Watch cooking shows together and cook together if she is able.

It’s more fun to eat things you make. Make homemade ice cream and jam from scratch. Have her teach you her specialties. Make foods her mom cooked or things she used to cook and eat when she was younger.

Buy vintage cookbooks from thrift stores and explore time travel through food.

My mother who is always extremely prim and proper is now more comfortable picking up small pieces of food and eating with her fingers. It’s fine everything is cut into bite sizes or I will drop food into her mouth like a baby bird.

She is 94. Recently broke her leg and was hospitalized for hyponatremia low salt so food is extremely important.

she had to go into skilled rehab. I worked hard with the diet Titian in the kitchen to get her the food that she needed. I couldn’t be at the rehab every meal.

I also signed a release for a ring camera so that I could watch her eat her meals. She does eat some thing off of every meal and a lot of ensure shakes. She is on iron and vitamin D.

I had a similar situation with my husband. He had a poor appetite and I was worried that he would start losing weight. I got him Boost Very High Calorie drinks, which have 530 calories per bottle. He drank one bottle between meals. He enjoyed the different flavors and was able to maintain his weight fairly well.

My father is at 100lbs fully clothed. His dr suggested Megace. It's a liquid appetite stimulating medication. I tasted it and it's not horrible. Dad seems to be eating more frequently but is kinda unsteady on his feet so I only weigh him at the dr office. I looked it up and it is used for anorexia patients and such to get them to eat. I also bought a bunch of junk food snacks that he can graze on if he doesn't want to eat real food. I'm thinking anything is better than not eating.

Macaroni and cheese. Protein dense and comfort food. My wife eats Cane’s chicken fingers and fried fish. I don’t worry about carbs, she gets them anyway. I will say my wife is 5’6 and weighs 175.