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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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My 93-year old mom (who is relatively healthy) says this all of the time. She says "we're all living too long" and I can't say I totally disagree. She's the last of her five siblings alive and her husband died three years ago. Most of her friends are also gone. I have to do everything for my mom, so she feels very dependent on me. She's always been a very independent woman so she feels she's burdening me. And the truth is, she is. I would NEVER say that to her, but in reality I've had to give up most of my life for the last 12 years to take care of my mom and dad with no help from my brother. I always tell her I'm happy to do it.
Her mom died at 82 when my mom was 52. I'm 63 and still caregiving. I usually just say to her, "Well we don't have any choice in the matter" when she goes into her "I'm ready to go" and go on. I don't try to argue or deny her feelings, because they're her feelings and she's right. She is ready to go.
Mom too and my Grandma also. When people feel they've run their race they feel tired and want to leave all this choas behind. I can't understand exactly how you feel Mom. Could you explain? I'd like to understand----would you like to talk about it? Mom and I get into conversation about family on the other side-what it's like--what it might look like. The experience of the process itself. People who are passing feel closed off because WE are too afraid to bring it up and get into it. We might be IMPROPER in our conversation. They know they're going and most of us are too cowerdly to let them get it all off their chest which is what many may want to do. What else could you say--no you're not passing. My husband passed of cancer at 60---it was hard after 35 years of marriage. He wanted hospice at home--He got it. He wanted to talk about death-he knew he was passing to the other side. We discussed as much or as little as he wanted to. Sometimes in depth. Sometimes mini discussions. The way I feel--is--I helped him pass over and I think in the way we both handled it----it was a good death. I know that sounds odd but anyone who's been there will understand.
I think I inadvertantly shut off a few people dear to me who tried to start this conversation by saying the things like oh, no, you've got years ahead of you. look at how well you are, etc. They may really want to talk about their life and maybe fears and maybe what their life has meant to you. A 93 year old could have a couple of years or a decade or a little more, but their time is more limited than yours of mine and they know it. Hell, I get sad about being 56 instead of 36 sometimes. I often think about someone like Billy Graham wh is around this age, and has lost his sweetheart already, and how he goes on finding meaning and joy in life, and hope I will always have the grace to do the same.
From my experience with the elderly and my elder mother...this is a common statement that they make when they become frustrated or angry. I am not suggesting that you ignore it but look to see patterns when she says this. I tell my mom when she says this... I want you here and you aren't going anywhere soon., she will chuckle when I say that. I can say this because my mom is not near passing on. Losing independence and having to depend on our children is a big blow for many elderly, so evaluate the situations when she says this...it could be frustration and anger..Hugs!!
Ask her if she wants to die, or if she's afraid to die, and listen.
When she says she's ready to die, ask her about her life. Did she have fun? Did she create love and happiness? Did she have adventures? What would she still like to do? What was the worst thing to happen? Who was her favorite president? Who does she want to meet in heaven?
Don't be afraid to talk about it. She has seen hundreds die, and probably isn't very afraid. Just turn the conversation to some aspect of her life or history that you are curious about. She'll probably cheer up given the chance to entertain a willing audience.You sound like a kind person.
Actually no need to reply, it's just a comment but this might work -- 'It looks like your work on earth isn't finished yet so we get to enjoy you for a while longer!'
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Her mom died at 82 when my mom was 52. I'm 63 and still caregiving. I usually just say to her, "Well we don't have any choice in the matter" when she goes into her "I'm ready to go" and go on. I don't try to argue or deny her feelings, because they're her feelings and she's right. She is ready to go.
When she says she's ready to die, ask her about her life. Did she have fun? Did she create love and happiness? Did she have adventures? What would she still like to do? What was the worst thing to happen? Who was her favorite president? Who does she want to meet in heaven?
Don't be afraid to talk about it. She has seen hundreds die, and probably isn't very afraid. Just turn the conversation to some aspect of her life or history that you are curious about. She'll probably cheer up given the chance to entertain a willing audience.You sound like a kind person.