My mom (83) has undiagnosed dementia (refuses to see a geriatrician). She needs to stop driving. She cannot manage the car anymore as she doesn't drive it often enough. The battery is always dead. Yesterday she said she'd left her keys in the car. Impossible, as my husband pointed out. She would have turned the house upside down looking for them before going to the car.
I had a plan in place for her to stop driving. A wonderful childhood friend has retired and has plans to move back to our hometown. He would be perfect to be my mom's driver. We have known him for 45 years, and can trust him. Since COVID, he has had to put his plans of selling his home and moving on hold. The rest of his family lives in our hometown and he hasn't seen them since Thanksgiving 2019.
There is no public transportation. No taxis or Uber. You have a car, walk, or depend on someone for a ride. There is literally no one else my mom would accept to do this service for her. Getting her to accept this perfectly reasonable plan will be struggle enough. I live too far away to run her to the grocery store or hairdresser every time she has a whim.
What have the rest of you done when your LO can no longer drive, but alternatives are limited or non-existent?
I'll clarify a couple of things.
The closest taxi would have to drive 30 miles to get her, if they even would do so. That combined with her inability to learn anything new, i.e. even calling a taxi, is beyond her. So not feasible in the least.
The Office of the Aging DOES offer rides for seniors, based on a sliding income scale. She certainly could take advantage of this. In fact, when my stepfather was alive, he volunteered to do this and often took clients to doctor appts., etc. My mom would NEVER be comfortable doing this.
She is still "with it" enough to know that a car with 33,000 miles on it doesn't need any extensive repairs. As long as my 93 year old uncle is alive, she knows she can call him and he will charge her dead battery. He would certainly not be on board with lying to his sister, even if it's in her best interests.
My mom would die in AL or a care home. She is a very private person and she would be miserable and would NOT adapt. Additionally these places do not allow pets, and if she were separated from her two cats she would quickly die of despair and loneliness. I just can't put her through that. They are all she has at this point.
My mom is extremely stubborn and independent. Some of the very logical suggestions given here MIGHT work if we can get her to take medication for her depression and anxiety. That is our first hurdle, then we can see about making some changes. Except for the car. That has to be dealt with sooner rather than later.
Peace to you all!!p-[[[qqqiiieeeeews - that last part was my cat walking across my keyboard! Gillie says hi everyone and thanks for your suggestions to my mom so she can help grandma!!
She has been checked for UTI. She has had them, and they have been treated. Her mind does not seem to be affected either way.
I agree with other posters who say to remove her car and say that it needs extensive repairs.
Council on Aging in our area provides rides for seniors. Check into senior resources in your area.
It's either this choice or she has no rides anywhere. She realistically cannot expect to be driven around on a whim by anyone at any time. Old age and illness isn't a joyride for anyone, and compromises must be made, period.
Good luck!
The driver sounds wonderful but like you, she cannot expect this person to be at her beck and call. He does have a life of his own. Boundries will need to be set. A certain day of the week for groceries and errands. Appts made when convenient to him. No expecting him to jump because she needs butter from the store. And he should be paid for his time and for gas.
You don't have an Office of Aging in her County that supplies busses for Seniors?