So, how will the story end?

My mom is self involved always has been. As a child I was put on the back burner. I stay with people that I should not have. I spent one Christmas with my parents and that was in 1979 I was 22 years old. They had a fruit stand that could not close so it was open 24 /7. At one point my step grandmother lived with us that was from the time I was probably from age 2 until I was 8. My parents left for work before I got up and came home after I was in bed. I truly lacked for nothing physically but everything emotionally. My grandmother had never had children she married my grandfather after his kids were grown and he had passed and she moved in with us. She was not a pleasant woman and very abusive. My father's son also lived with us he was 9 years older than me. He began sexually abusing me I do not remember when I just know it stopped when I was old enough to tell him that I would tell around 11 I think. I have a lot of blank spaces in my life. I asked my mom not too long ago where was I at Christmas when I was little and she told me she didn't know...really? I have been in therapy and it helped so much. My mom moved by me in 1997 my half brother her son died so I moved her to NC. My husband was USMC and we retired in NC. She moved into an apartment 15 minutes from me. Her health was failing then. She has had many surgeries in the past few years, colon cancer, abdominal aortic anuresym, pacemaker, stents, to name a few. I have nursed her through them all. For the past 15 years I had seen to her every need emotionally, physically spent every lunch with her for 15 years. It has not been easy she started to become delusional about 10 years ago. She stayed in the apartment a lot longer than she should have because I knew that is what she wanted. She fell on New Years Eve and stayed on the floor all night with the telephone and life alert right beside her never pushed either. She was leaking lymphic fluid out of her legs. I called the ambulance they took her to the hospital and the doctors and me both agreed that she could no longer live alone. I told her she agreed and she was placed. I tried to make the move as easy as possible. I gave away most of her stuff which was smoked filled and old. We live on the coast and it was given to three families that lost everything during the last hurricane and they were thrilled to have it. I fixed her room up at the NH nice brought her a new quilt flowers, she has a bird feeder outside her room. She does not have a roommate and she has a private bath one of the very few rooms that has that, I cannot afford a private room for her.She has had a couple of roommates one lasted a day the other died within a week. She was placed under hospice care about 2 months ago. As I wrote in my last post "Hurt, Burnt out" I have stay away from the NH since Monday. She still want to get out, she is very angry with me I believe she has written me off just like she has everyone else. The child in me wants her to miss me the adult knows she won't. Of course, she cannot get herself out and she will die there and it is a good possibility without me at her side if this continues. Until I feel that I can visit her without her being mad and talking ugly to me I will not go. What could I say to change her mind. She is self involved always has been always will be. it is a sad situation for her and I finally am getting to the point to stop wishing for a change that will never come. I have 2 grown children and 4 grandchildren all raised by normal parents who love and support them. That started when I broke the chain of dysfunction for me and mine. Being military and getting away from it helped so much plus my husband was raised by Ossie and Harriett and had a pattern that I did not have. Thank God for him. I do not know how this story will end and I work very hard to not be the injured child but she still lurks in there, she still wants approval, she still wants her mom. Now how about all that ?? Probably TMI but for me it is cleansing. Thanks for listening ;-)