Husband has Parkinson’s w/Lewy Body. He messes with phone, remote, thermostat, car until they don’t work. How to make him stop?
My husband has excessive tremors and poor eyesight. He bends and breaks his glasses, messes with his new iPhone util it won’t work then says the phone is broken. He has taken the phone in repeatedly to be “fixed”. He messes with TVs and remotes, thermostat, cars (you name it) util they no longer work. Then I have to reset and straighten out the messes. He cannot write anymore and barely reads. I can stand there saying, “Don’t push that button” and he looks right at me, while he pushes the button! In the hospital, he tried to take apart every piece of equipment in his room then snuck out of his room at night and into an empty room to take apart things there! How do I get him to leave things alone? Should I buy him a child’s toy electronics kit to play with?
He starts PT and OT next week. His neurologist is going to call later today with suggestions for increased meds.
He fell over the weekend and went to the ER. I was hoping they would admit him so I could ask the hospital to release him to a facility. But by the time I got to the hospital, they had already released him and the Dr acted like he didn’t believe me when I told him how difficult it has become.
A Social Worker is coming out this week to discuss “next steps” and I see an Elder Law Attorney in Feb.
I'd buy him some Legos, ask him to make something good. A child's electronics kit sounds great, if he won't try to plug it in. I'd put PLAIN covers on the empty outlets for sure.
Basically "childproof" where he is. I'd hide the TV remotes myself. Last week my Ex took apart my vacuum cleaner, when I asked him to vacuum a small area. I found it spread across the garage. Good thing I knew how to put it back together, or he would have had to buy me a new one.
1) His manual dexterity – does he have arthritis in his fingers, or can he still manipulate small parts?
2) His mind- does he just like taking things apart (destroying them, like the grandson), or does he try to put things together (even if he fails)?
You can message me with details if you want. My DH was quite shocked at the idea of giving him pre-school lego!
He also liked the idea of getting stuff from an OP shop (our local tip shop is particularly good with this sort of thing), and letting him go his hardest. Electrical is fine, just cut the plug off. Tell him you can get a new plug put on if it’s fixed (true).
My husband has no manual dexterity at all due to severe tremors. He can’t feed himself anymore. Can’t write or read. He has always been handy with electronics, tools, building, working on cars. He can take stuff apart but cannot put it back together. He was an Air Traffic Controller (I was too) and has worked as an electrician and a stock market portfolio manager. This disease has devastated us both.
He does not understand, you can tell him but his brain will not retain the No's and the Why's and Why not's.
You could try getting him electronic equipment for him to play with. As long as it is safe.
You might even want to pick up stuff from a resale shop and give him things he can take apart.
You need to "hide" remotes. He may be close to not having a cell phone.
And when you say he messes with the car...I hope he is not driving still. That needs to stop if he is still driving.
If he knows what Chanel he wants I am pretty sure Alexa can change tv channels.
As others have said, you may need to just keep valuable things away.
To keep him busy - as others have said, maybe get some kids toys that involve putting things together and taking them apart, but in a safe way. Like building blocks or a puzzle or such. Maybe things like that geared for age 2-5 age range might keep him busy enough. Or, if he will be ok and you think its safe electricity wise, maybe even a very basic electronic kit for young kids, maybe something with low voltage batteries (not plugged into an outlet).
For phone for my dad, I "downgraded" him to a 6 year old iPhone I still had lying around the house unused. He used to know how to do a variety of things on it but kept forgetting, so as of now he only uses it to make or receive phone calls and see what the time is. If he breaks or loses that phone, its worth very little money and I have other backup ipHones I can assign him.
My dad has asked me to bring his laptop in to assisted living to try to get back on some emails. So far I have not brought it to him - I think he wont be able to use it at all and likely will mess it up, and/or download malware and such. (he used to when he was at his home and more cognitively intact even). I dont see how he will benefit from having the laptop. I likely only would lead to downsides.
He is not driving - I took his keys months ago. It is illegal to drive in SC for six months after having a seizure. I use that to stop him from asking to drive all the time.
when we get in car to go somewhere, he opens and closes the glove box, turns A/C up and down, plays with radio, unbuckles his seat belt, plays with window, etc. It’s like having a two year old.
It may become that you can no longer care for him in your home. If this happens you need to speak with an elder lawyer about splitting of assets.
I assume you’ve spoken with his neurologist for suggestions. Did their office give you suggestions?
This must be so stressful for you. I’m sorry.
Wow, this is a problem. Are there other problems as well which may make you consider that the time you can control all of this is nearing an end?
I wonder if there is any kind of a cover that can be made for some of these things, with a lock, but some handiman or someonething that is listed in "child proofing" catalogs.
So sorry you are having to deal with this. He's still a Mr. Fix-it.
And why is he in a car long enough to mess with anything in it? At this point he should only be in the car if you're having to take him to the doctors, which should limit his ability to mess with anything.
My late husband(who had vascular dementia)had a lot of trouble trying to figure out the TV remote the last few years of his life and he messed things up a lot, where I'd have to call Spectrum to have them help me get things back right.
There were times when I would just have to take the remote away after I put the TV on a show that I knew he liked to watch. We as caregivers have to do what we have to do for our own peace of mind and sanity sometimes, and if that means taking away the things our loved ones mess with continually, then so be it.
It certainly wouldn't hurt trying to keep his hands occupied on something that he can't mess up, like a child's toy of some kind, but in the meantime take away those things that he can mess up.
Best wishes.
His newest bad behavior is losing his temper and hurting me. He stomped my foot so hard I thought he broke my toe then when I was trying to help him transfer to the bed he elbowed me in the mouth and busted my lip. He says it’s accidental but I’m not so sure. I will be talking with his neurologist today.
Tremors go along with Parkinson’s disease. Meds only help so much and when they begin to wear off the tremors begin again.
Parkinson’s is a neurological condition. Your husband isn’t able to control his tremors. That’s not how it works.
Giving your husband instructions isn’t going to change his medical condition.
Have you spoken with his neurologist to see if his medication needs adjusting? My mother had to occasionally change the dosage of her meds.
Dementia can accompany Parkinson’s disease. My mother developed dementia later in life. She pushed buttons at certain times. After a while she wasn’t capable of using her iPhone anymore. Her tremors were extremely annoying to her.
Please understand that your husband isn’t doing anything on purpose and it is frustrating for him too. Parkinson’s is progressive disease. It becomes more of a burden as times goes by.
Wishing you and your husband well.