I also sold my house it was just too big. I live in NC he lives in Buffalo. I still have not found a house. If I mention any type of help he won't have it. No strangers. He is a very needy person. Some days I'm okay with him living with me, others not so much. He wants me to live with him. That will not happen my family is in N.C. It makes me feel guilty. I am just starting to get my life back in order. I lost my husband suddenly. Any suggestion on how to handle him getting him to make up his mind. I have a brother who is out of the picture. I also have a sister but she still works and has her own issues. My dad does not always listen to me about his meds. One other thing while I am looking for a home I am living with my son. He says we could live with him but with my dad it would be a disaster. He thinks he is head of house meaning telling you about how you do things raising kids or just going to store after dark. Any suggestion would be great. Sometimes I feel selfish because I'm just starting to get my life back. Just yesterday he told me if I would come live with him he would pay $200.00 a month. I told him no. I do come back to Buffalo to help him out. Thank you for any advice.
His meals cooked, served and cleaned up? His washing done, dried and sorted? His house cleaned and kept tidy? His weekly shopping done? (and does he expect his $7 a day to cover the cost of his food, or is that ‘pin money’ for you to fritter away?) Will you need to contribute to household bills in return for ‘free rent’? Are you fit enough to take on yard work and occasional DIY? And it’s all down to you – he says ‘no strangers’.
That’s just for now. If he needs personal care – mobility, continence care, a personal driver – it rapidly gets to be an even better deal for him.
Emotionally, he is ‘head of the household’. He expects you to move and get your life together in a strange place, starting from scratch. He will have no obligations as an employer. If you want to quit, he has lost nothing but you start all over again.
Is this reasonable for him to expect? Not likely! If he thinks it is reasonable at 86 when you aren’t suggesting that he has dementia, is he likely to become more reasonable later on? Why do you say that you want him ‘to make up his mind’? Why wouldn’t he do his best to guilt you into this amazing deal for him?
Stop judging yourself and take a look at reality. In spite of his shortcomings, you wouldn’t want him to be a victim of a huge exploitive scam, so don’t go there yourself!
What would you do with all that money? Tell him to keep his money to hire outside help, and see how long his $200 will last. He is out of his mind. And that may be the case literally.
Don't even touch that 'generous' offer with a 10-foot pole, unless you want to volunteer for servitude. You are forewarned.
Sorry for your lost.,🙏💕 Don't let ''Satan sepetate u and your father."
Work on relationship with him!
Remember God knows your purpose in life.
If the father did, he would be among the majority of the adult children in this forum with horror stories of how their parents turn their lives upside down, consume their lives, their health, their savings, their future, their grandchildren's future, and make their lives a living hell.