I am currently taking care of my former husband who has Alzheimer’s along with several medical issues. He is 75 years old, and I am 66 years old. I am unable to work, because I am constantly caregiving i.e. doctor appointments, meal prep, food shopping, administering medicine, ordering medicine, cleaning up after him, emailing doctors, etc.
I am unable to work, but do collect Social Security. However, it’s not a whole lot since I was a stay at home mom for many years.
I use our combined Social Security to pay the bills in my home and my Shore house, (which I received in the settlement). I take him to the shore house every summer and caregive down there as well. I’m afraid someday when he doesn’t recognize me or our daughters, that I may have to resort to putting him in a facility, and I don’t want to mess up anything for Medicaid. I am not taking anything from him besides what we need to live on however, that does include maintaining my car and gas for taking him to appointments. I do not have any contract written up and I am his power of attorney. I understand in Pennsylvania I can’t get paid for caregiving because I am his power of attorney.
Am I doing this right?
They can answer your questions .
You will get paid little for being his POA. When co-mingling of funds starts, problems start as well.
As for doing this right? I have no clue, but I wouldn't have gotten involved, he has children.
Good Luck!
My mom was with a much older man for 15 years, and while they split expenses, he helped her pay for installing a handicap bathroom in her home for his use. Sure enough when he died his daughter tried to put a lien on her house. She was not able to, of course, as he was putting money into a house he was living in. But it caused mom much anguish and sleepless nights.
Protect yourself. You are spending your Social Security early, and not paying any more in for the work you are doing.
Wow , petty of that daughter . The man needed the bathroom for HIS use .
If you are going to keep doing this then like the others have said below you need to have a contract written up to take care of him. Which in your post you say may be a problem because you are his POA and in PA you can't get paid to care give and also be POA.
If you want to know if you are doing things right in regards to potential medicaid in the future, etc you need to sit down with an elder care attorney.
Using his money to pay for the shore house you received in your divorce settlement sounds like a big no to me but let the lawyer tell you that. If you can't afford the cost of the shore house on your income only then you probably need to say goodbye to this second house that you can't afford. Just stating the obvious here regarding that.
The OP is 66 years old. That's not prime working years. She was a housewife who owns her own home, a vacation house, and her ex-husband supports her. So there's plenty of money in this situation. Medicaid is probably not in her ex-husband's future or even hers with assets like that. Nor should it be.
As for her reasons for taking care of her ex-husband. That's personal. I did some of the caregiving for my ex-husband during his illness and I was remarried at the time. People get divorced for all kinds of reasons that don't involve hate or infidelity.
He sounds like he still has enough cognitive capacity to assign a different person, like one of his children. He can do this, and then you can get paid. Personally I don't think it's a good idea to have your PoA the same generation as you, since at 66 you are in your elder years as well. My husband at 67 is not my PoA, my son is. I had a perfectly healthy and fit cousin die suddently from his first and last A Fib event at the age of 62. It happens.
I'm sure there must be creative workarounds for this so maybe consult with an elderlaw attorney or a Medicaid Planner for his home state. Make sure to have a written contract. Don't work more than 40 hrs and make sure to take long breaks. Consider having him also hire another PT person so that there is always a back-up. At some point he will become 100% incontinent, and may exhibit paranoia and other challenging behaviors (like wandering at night, falling)... no matter how determined or sincere you are you won't be able to give him total in-home care without a team of people (which requires management and a lot of money). Eventually 24/7 in-home care costs more than a good facility. And he needs to be a resident inside a good facility that accepts Medicaid before he qualifies so that he's not stuck on a waiting list or is relegated to not--so-nice Medicaid facilities.
My MIL is in a wonderful LTC facility on Medicaid. It's on a beautiful lake, it has all sorts or activities and events, and she even has a private room. The staff is friendly and awesome. She'd never get that much healthy social exposure and interaction if she were cloistered in our home. Something to consider.
Surely you're not expecting the state to pay you when you own your own home and a vacation beach house? State-sponsored family caregiver programs are for the needy not the greedy.
Also if the social security you collect is from your husband because you're over 65 and were married to him for more than ten years, that won't get taken if you have to place him. Also, if he passes even in a nursing home you will receive his full social security benefit.
Based on what you've said here your ex is not going to qualify for Medicaid any time soon because he has too much. Medicaid is for poor people. Not for rich people who can support ex-wives and who own beach houses.
Since you have his POA, why not go to a lawyer and have some kind of contract drawn up? You are an ex-spouse and have no legal obligation to your ex-husband other than being his POA which can be easily changed to someone else. It is not illegal in the state of Pennsylvania to hire private caregivers.
Considering that you are not family there shouldn't be an issue of you getting paid (out of his money) to be his caregiver. Talk to a lawyer. They will tell you better than anyone here can.
Funny I don't think that is anywhere on the website about family care giver programs having income eligibility limits or requirements.
I don't believe the OP is greedy and I do think she needs to get paid for her care giving services. If they hired someone to come in they would be getting paid so why can't she get paid?
She got the shore house in the divorce settlement. Maybe it is just a simple basic house we have no idea. But shore house doesn't mean she is living in the lap of luxury.
But as his POA you DO get paid to seek extra ADVICE pertaining to him. You can see an attorney and need to do that asap. I would suggest both Trust and Estate and perhaps an elder law attorney.
First of all, I am sorry you took on this care in lieu of working. I would never have suggested you do so.
Secondly, since you HAVE taken it on and intend to do it so long as you can, you need a solid care contract and that is what the elder law guy is for. You need to have "shared living expenses" contract in which you are covered for taking his funds (which you aren't now) out of his accounts, (and as POA you need attorney advice on HOW to set up his account so you pay his expenses out of it as his POA). This isn't "income" so you don't pay taxes. But you get shared living expenses for everything, housing, bills, food, transport, etc.
You need to know how to keep meticulous records of every penny into and out of his accounts and keep those records solid and up to date.
You need most of all to have all papers checked, understand what you can and can't do, and if he has assets you should be the beneficiary in my humble opinion.
I sure do wish you good luck. But I sure would not have taken this on. Hope you'll update us as you go.
Every situation - state may be different.
You want to know all this - as you say "I don't want to mess up anything (for Medicaid). These things can be convoluted / confusing / a maze. See an attorney. Get all your legal paperwork / documents in order.
* Keep a journal, including
- financial expenditures and health records.
* Date and time 'stamp' entries.
These journals can be use(d)(ful) for attorneys and medical professionals.
Don't leave any of this to chance or rely on responses here (although many are certainly helpful / informational) - see an attorney who specializes in these areas.
Gena / Touch Matters
If you and your former husband were married for at least 10 years before divorcing, you are entitled to 1/2 of his monthly social security income in lieu of yours.
That does not take away from what he receives each month. He will still receive the amount that he has earned and it should not affect Medicaid.
However, it may be more than you are receiving on your own and is worth a call to the Social Security Administration. A representative can give you the amount that you are entitled to draw.
This is a law - you don't need to consult with an attorney. Just call the SS Admin and talk to them.
The longer answer: If you claim it as rent, then you are a business. In some states, you need to do some "extra" work if you are operating a rental business (e.g, collect sales tax, pay sales tax, etc.) If you are a business, you can now begin to depreciate part of your home. If you depreciate part of your home, it could lower your yearly taxes. In my state, if you declare your home as a business, you cannot take the residential property tax exemption or get a senior credits because your home is not a pure residential home.
Either way, I would document all of his expenses (date, where, what it was for and how much).
If you think that Medicaid will be involved, I would consult an elder-care attorney or talk to MIPPA,