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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If she requires this, and you are unable to do this, then you will now need caregivers (horrific in expense round the clock) or she will need placement. It is sometimes the case for people. There's little that you can do about it. I am so sorry.
I’m guessing you’re afraid to be alone with mom because you fear being placed in the position of cleaning or changing her. If that’s it, understand we all have our limits, this is yours, and it’s okay. Accept it, it’s not a character flaw. More people would be wise to know what they cannot handle.
Same. I can't clean people. For several reasons. I know millions of caregivers go through the motions out of love or duty or whatever, and they don't like it, but they are forced to do it. I can't and I don't. No matter how many people tell me to "deal with it" or "grow up" or "get over it". I am not Florence Nightingale. I don't wipe or scrub bodily fluids off body parts. It's hard enough to make eye contact with other humans and to answer phone calls. I cringe when people hug me.
That said, I must depend on other people to clean up. It costs a whole lot. I would work 3 jobs if I had to, just to pay for caregivers.
Don't be hard on yourself. I was the same way with my dad before he went to a facility. I think I was judged by a member of his side of the family about it but this does not make you a bad person. Some people feel uncomfortable doing it and it is ok! Some people can not handle the hands on part of care giving and I'm one of them.
Time for placement . She will get washed there and behavior managed with meds . You can’t live in fear of her and be her caregiver .It’s ok to stop hands on caregiving .
If you can not care for her you have 2 options. 1. Hire a caregiver that will come daily to help with her care. (If you need help over night then that can also be arranged.) Mom pays for the caregivers NOT you. 2. Place mom in a facility that will meet her needs. the options there would be Assisted Living or if mom has dementia then Memory Care.
You can learn to care for someone. but there are some people that have limits as to what they can do, or will do. I call that your "line in the sand" . First though is safety if you are not safe caring for anyone or if they are not safe with you caring for them then you have to hire someone to do what you are unable to do or you place them. It is not a failure but it is accepting that their care is beyond what you can personally do.
Time to get her some income help or into a nursing home. Start investigating what she qualifies for (Medicaid, VA benefits, county, etc). Hopefully she doesn't have enough assets and can qualify for Medicaid. This is a reminder that it is important to think about these issues earlier than you think and plan ahead if possible.
Why are you afraid to be alone with her? Has she become violent? Has she threatened you? Without knowing the circumstances, it’s difficult to advise you.
I had never had to wipe and clean another adult's behind, until my aunt got dementia. I get it. It's tough. Even changing her depends, I will never forget how she sat around in that loaded depend, and when I finally got it off, it was so loaded, it messed up the freshly cleaned carpet. It was hard trying to change and bathe her because she got agitated and would fib that she does it herself. The incontinence is my big problem, too. She has a caregiver coming in, but not every day. My own cousins who live near aunt weren't cleaning and changing her, yet expected me to take all of it on.
Is she able to sit in a shower chair at all. Perhaps I missed in your post if she is bed bound or not. This would make the situation easier even if it is once a week as frequent incontinence will be bad for her skin especially is she stays in a brief for long periods of time.. I am sorry for all you are going through.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It is sometimes the case for people. There's little that you can do about it. I am so sorry.
I can't and I don't.
No matter how many people tell me to "deal with it" or "grow up" or "get over it". I am not Florence Nightingale. I don't wipe or scrub bodily fluids off body parts. It's hard enough to make eye contact with other humans and to answer phone calls. I cringe when people hug me.
That said, I must depend on other people to clean up. It costs a whole lot. I would work 3 jobs if I had to, just to pay for caregivers.
She will get washed there and behavior managed with meds .
You can’t live in fear of her and be her caregiver .It’s ok to stop hands on caregiving .
1. Hire a caregiver that will come daily to help with her care. (If you need help over night then that can also be arranged.) Mom pays for the caregivers NOT you.
2. Place mom in a facility that will meet her needs. the options there would be Assisted Living or if mom has dementia then Memory Care.
You can learn to care for someone. but there are some people that have limits as to what they can do, or will do. I call that your "line in the sand" . First though is safety if you are not safe caring for anyone or if they are not safe with you caring for them then you have to hire someone to do what you are unable to do or you place them. It is not a failure but it is accepting that their care is beyond what you can personally do.
The incontinence is my big problem, too. She has a caregiver coming in, but not every day.
My own cousins who live near aunt weren't cleaning and changing her, yet expected me to take all of it on.