Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
We can not do much socially due to his mom's care. I cared for my mom, mother in law and my very ill husband. My gentleman friend states he will never put mom in facility... I am so confused ..what should I do???
Well, if it were me who was involved with a gentleman who says he'd 'never put mom in a facility, I'd leave him, especially after being put thru the wringer already caring for a mom, a MIL and a very ill husband.
Enough is enough.
Find yourself a nice gentleman who has nobody he needs to care for. And, if he's sick himself, that's no good either. Not to be mean, but look out for YOURSELF now!!
He's already told you his mom is #1........look for a man who makes YOU #1, okay? You deserve it.
He is waving a BIG red flag in your face...believe him. I would move on. I also have done the caretaking thing, never again. Last year I placed my step father and his wife in a facility and my mother 2 weeks ago. I am there for them, but at an arms length.
Thank you...I am not a quitter ..my friend told me his mom is his number one and I will always be number two while she is in his care...but if I give him the ultimatum of me or mom and he puts her into a home,, he will always hold it against me...
Snowbird74: Trust your feelings. Sounds like your friend, knowing of your caregiving history, just expects you to do this for #1 Mom. He is just plain taking advantage of you; that for him, your relationship is one of convenience - his convenience. Your golden years should be spent doing things that bring you some pleasure, some happiness.
I think that sadly you move on. I could not do it either. I understand how he feels. I understand how you feel. We all have our limitations. It would be lovely to think you could remain friends, that you could provide him occasional respite, but I think staying is not an option if you are not ready to assume sacrificing yourself for his Mom. I certainly could not do it.
You don’t give an ultimatum. You just tell him that you are simply not able to care for another ill elderly person, and feel that since he wants to care for her, it’s time for you to move on. Then do it.
"his mom is his number one and I will always be number two while she is in his care" He's waving a huge red flag in your face, Snowbird! You are 74 years old and in relatively good health? Go do what *you* want to do. There are many, many men who are your age, in good health, with great attitudes and who want to enjoy their golden years with a like-minded woman whose willing and able. I would move on.
He is counting on the fact that you being naturally kind and nurturing will absolve HIM of the responsibility of taking care of his mother. You will wind up doing all the work and probably will receive little or no true gratitude in the end. While he may have feelings for you it is also quite possible that he is using you.
Finding that as I age, and after caregiving and coordinating caregiving for others, my abilities have declined. Tolerating the extra demands and stress has become harder. Even though I still care for others, I would not take on anymore caregiving responsibilities. It is enough to responsibly care for myself and my husband.
I think caregiving changes a person.
And, it will continue to change your gentleman friend, so much, that even now he is not available for a relationship. Not available.
Choose a different path, while you still have choices.
You don't have to totally give him up as a friend but I think you can politely explain what he can expect to be doing for his mom until she passes — and (so sorry!) without your help. Continue to look for other gentleman friends who will make you a priority. Don't be a desperate doormat.
Sounds like he is emotionally enmeshed with mom which may not even be his fault, but that is something that is not easily changed and in old age impossible. Find a man, not a mommy's boy.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Enough is enough.
Find yourself a nice gentleman who has nobody he needs to care for. And, if he's sick himself, that's no good either. Not to be mean, but look out for YOURSELF now!!
He's already told you his mom is #1........look for a man who makes YOU #1, okay? You deserve it.
Best of luck!
I think caregiving changes a person.
And, it will continue to change your gentleman friend, so much, that even now he is not available for a relationship. Not available.
Choose a different path, while you still have choices.