My dad refuses to go to the doctor. He can't stand them telling him what to do and just trying to give him pain pills for things. I feel so helpless. I've told my dad I will go with him. He doesn't want to mess my work up, but I tell him you are important to me and I have time I can use. The only health aid he has he has run into the ground. She gave me an update on a sore he has above his heel. Its horrible. He won't listen to her. She is asking me to do something. What do I do? I've talked till I cry with my dad about it. I've tried to understand his choices. I know he is scared to go to the hospital and have to go to assisted living. I just don't know what to do or who to call. Do I call his case worker? He will know it was me or his aid. I'm losing my father. He frustrates me but I love him. He is a quad in a wheelchair living independent. 14 years.
This was a tip given to me by a counselor a few years ago (when I was trying to persuade my mother to make the move here). She said that as a mother, she would want to know if she was making her children's life harder by refusing to do something. It might work better with mothers than fathers, I don't know! But it's worth a try. Especially if your dad still has his mental capacity. (Harder once dementia hits - you can't persuade 'em that your pain matters at all at that point.)
See if you can ask open ended questions about what he fears will happen if he goes to the doctor? Why does he think that it would lead to Assisted Living?
Read On Being Mortal by Atul Gawande.