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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I left my Mil home with my 12 year old son while I went shopping. I came home and my son was in tears because grandmas was hitting him and then held bedroom door closed so he could not come out. This has never happened before.
Since this is an unexpected and sudden deviation I would have her checked for a UTI right away. A UTI can ramp up the dementia type behavior. My good friend who has passed now became aggressive with her DIL when she had a UTI. Hugs for your family. Tough days.
I understand how shocked and disheartened you are feeling. Your son definitely needs help understanding that his grandmother wasn't fully in control of her actions and did not intend to harm or upset him so; and understanding you didn't think grandma was sick enough to have done something like this or you would have never left him alone with her. In time, he may be able to understand and forgive her. You also need to come up with a coping plan for him. Knowing it's okay for him to leave the room or the house and have an adult to call on when his grandmother has another episode is very important, empowering him to take care of himself and not feel so powerless.
If your MIL can be stabilized with appropriate medications, she may be able to continue sharing your home for a while, but this should also be a sign you need to start looking for and considering other placements for when her dementia worsens. You need to have a plan in mind because dementia can turn so suddenly from being manageable to something so unexpected. An adult day care that takes care of MIL so you can take care of outside appointments will be a big help, as would some additional in home companion care giving that would allow you to attend your son's evening functions.
My mother cared for my father with vascular dementia for many years, but when her own health started failing and my father became physically aggressive we placed him in MC. It's a difficult decision to make and to implement but you need to do what it best for the entire family. Your son deserves to feel completely safe in his home and to have a home he is comfortable inviting his friends to visit.
Mil has dementia, she has never acted like this before and very calm especially around the grand kids this was the first time this has ever happened. That's why I felt it was ok to leave her home with him.. I know now that will never happen again mom has lived with us for 1 1/2 years . I have never seen this behavior before thank you all for feedback. I have learned so much from this group
Seems like there's a first time for everything in this eldercare roller coaster.
Now you know. What to do about her though? Yikes. Tough question. People with AZ really can't learn new things or get retrained to not do X or Y, no matter how horrible the behavior may be.
Is she on any kind of meds that might make her act this way? Especially something new? Not that being violent is out of realm of "normal" AZ behavior.
Or maybe her current meds need to be tweaked to help her behavior?
There is no doubt in my mind that your son is traumatized by this. He should never, no matter how mature he seems to be, have been left alone with her. And, if she has ever displayed abusive or violent tendencies previously, that’s all the more reason this should never have happened. Perhaps you should have waited until your husband came home from work and then gone shopping or called an adult family member to come over. If she has begun acting out this way, you need to have a family meeting about alternative placement, especially with children in the home.
The fact that she has Alzheimer's she should not be left with someone that young. And your son should have contacted you as soon as MIL began acting out. There is no way a 12 year old should have to handle that. Or be subjected to an outburst. Is there a way that you can get MIL into an Adult Day Care program? You can use the time she is there to get errands done. And it will give her a break and give her some socialization. Is it Alzheimer's that she has been diagnosed with or another form of Dementia? Some forms of dementia present with more violent tendencies although Alzheimer's can as well. If this is the way her dementia is going to go it might be a "heads up" warning that you might need either more help in the house or you might have to plan for a Memory Care facility where staff is trained to handle outbursts. You might also want to talk to her doctor about medication for anxiety but keep in mind that any medication like that can take a while to work and you / she might have to try different meds before you find the right one.
I also hope you get a chance to sit down with your son and explain what is going on and this will not get better, the decline will continue and Grandma is not going to be the same. Let him ask as many questions as he wants.
Not enough information. Hope you will give us more. Is your MIL diagnosed with Dementia? What does she say about the incident? You say that this has never before happened. Have there been OTHER things that are concerning? Your son, if left alone with your MIL at this time will need to have a cell phone in order to contact you or other emergency services at this time.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your MIL can be stabilized with appropriate medications, she may be able to continue sharing your home for a while, but this should also be a sign you need to start looking for and considering other placements for when her dementia worsens. You need to have a plan in mind because dementia can turn so suddenly from being manageable to something so unexpected. An adult day care that takes care of MIL so you can take care of outside appointments will be a big help, as would some additional in home companion care giving that would allow you to attend your son's evening functions.
My mother cared for my father with vascular dementia for many years, but when her own health started failing and my father became physically aggressive we placed him in MC. It's a difficult decision to make and to implement but you need to do what it best for the entire family. Your son deserves to feel completely safe in his home and to have a home he is comfortable inviting his friends to visit.
this was the first time this has ever happened. That's why I felt it was ok to leave her home with him.. I know now that will never happen again
mom has lived with us for 1 1/2 years . I have never seen this behavior before
thank you all for feedback. I have learned so much from this group
Now you know. What to do about her though? Yikes. Tough question. People with AZ really can't learn new things or get retrained to not do X or Y, no matter how horrible the behavior may be.
Is she on any kind of meds that might make her act this way? Especially something new? Not that being violent is out of realm of "normal" AZ behavior.
Or maybe her current meds need to be tweaked to help her behavior?
Good luck.
And your son should have contacted you as soon as MIL began acting out. There is no way a 12 year old should have to handle that. Or be subjected to an outburst.
Is there a way that you can get MIL into an Adult Day Care program? You can use the time she is there to get errands done. And it will give her a break and give her some socialization.
Is it Alzheimer's that she has been diagnosed with or another form of Dementia? Some forms of dementia present with more violent tendencies although Alzheimer's can as well. If this is the way her dementia is going to go it might be a "heads up" warning that you might need either more help in the house or you might have to plan for a Memory Care facility where staff is trained to handle outbursts.
You might also want to talk to her doctor about medication for anxiety but keep in mind that any medication like that can take a while to work and you / she might have to try different meds before you find the right one.
I also hope you get a chance to sit down with your son and explain what is going on and this will not get better, the decline will continue and Grandma is not going to be the same. Let him ask as many questions as he wants.