I have a minor surgery Friday and I am nervous to leave her, but also nervous to have anyone sit with her while I'm gone. I don't know what to do, any suggestions?
I have anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD with agoraphobia as well as fear of fire. I feel ridiculous telling people I'm afraid to leave my house bc of being afraid of fire. Also I'm afraid to leave her alone bc I want to be here with her/ for her when she passes and not strangers. It's been a few years of barely ever leaving the house. I will only be gone a few hours and she will sleep/watch TV in her hospital bed, all she can really do anymore is rotate between those two :(. She can't get out of bc she can't move except for her arms. She couldn’t get up if there was an emergency and she has dementia/brain cancer and can't remember how to work a phone. I am not used to having people in the house and we've had more than one company in the last month which is more than we have had in the last 14 years! LOL I am uncomfortable with the hospice people in the house when I'm here and I don't leave them alone with her. I watch everything they do so I know what they are doing bc she can't tell me. She can't remember and also it helps me to learn the right way to care for her since I have no experience.
I have no help except for hospice. A week ago I asked them to be here when I'm gone and then yesterday I asked them to just wait ‘til I'm home to come so I know what’s going on. Now I think I need to ask them to in fact come when I'm gone! It's an incredibly hard time for me and they know that. Am I losing my mind?!
Do you have people sit with your LO when you go for a little bit and do you feel secure leaving them with strangers in your house?? Please share advice, it will only be for a few hours in the morning, one part of my brain knows it's a mole hill and the other thinks it’s a mountain.
As for being there when she passes - I truly believe that people have some capacity tho choose the moment they depart. We've all heard the stories of people sitting long vigils only to have their loved one die the moment they leave the room; I think that some people want privacy in those final moments, or perhaps they want to spare their loved ones from witnessing it...and of course we also hear of countless others who hang on until that distant relative arrives.
Are you getting treatment for your anxiety issues? I think it would be a tremendous help to the person you are caring for to get this issue treated so that you are not consumed with anxiety over what's right for you--you can then see more clearly what's right and needed for her.
You need get a sitter to stay with your bedridden mother while you're in the hospital. Or put her in a nursing home for a respite stay for some time so you can have your surgery and some time to recover.
Here's the thing about 'being there' when she passes. Obsessing about it won't change or stop anything. When a person's time comes they depart this world regardless of who's with them. We come into this world alone and we leave it alone.
I'm sure you're a good person with only the best intentions, but really you shouldn't be a caregiver to anyone until you get your issues sorted out. With all respect to you and no insult intended, you sound like a basket case with this post. Please make an appointent with your mental health provider and get some help. Good luck with your surgery too.
As difficult as it is letting a Volunteer come in for a few hours will give you a break even if all you do is sit outside and read a book for a little while.
And there are Volunteers that are specifically trained to sit Vigil when needed so you will not be alone.
I think a Trained Hospice Volunteer is an invaluable asset. In most cases they have gone through what you are going through, they understand the anxiety and emotional rollercoaster you are on.
I had more trouble with paid caregivers than I did with Volunteers.
The Hospice team is there for YOU as well and take advantage of the services that they can offer.