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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Hi Beach. So sorry you feel excluded. However, not knowing the nature of the birthday party, I can't say that it was right or wrong to not include you. When my kids were very young, we would have big birthday parties and invited everyone. But now that they are preteens, they just want to have a few close friends and go out to a trampoline place to jump and eat pizzas, or they want to go to the beach and body surf. Those places are not suitable for older adults because they are too noisy or too difficult to get to (walking on sand is a not an easy walk) The parents of my kids' friends just drop them off and pick them up later. We don't invite any adults.
However, your daughter not talking to you and hating you is a good reason to feel depressed. I don't think you should rely on her for your happiness. Do you have friends that you can go out with, or outside activities that you participate? I can't change your daughter's attitude towards you, but you can change your expectation of her.
My mother lives with my brother's family, in a separate apartment. Same as yours.
They do not include mother in most events. She has come to understand that they need their "own family" time, and she respects that she will probably not be invited to go "upstairs" to any functions.
She doesn't like being left out of the loop, but in all honesty, she probably wouldn't ENJOY half the antics that a fairly youngish family is up to. Noisy parties, late into the night, etc. Also, you're HER mother, and it is very hard to share space as a grown woman with another grown woman. Case in point: My daughter is due to deliver her 3rd baby early in April. She lives 3000 miles away. I am specifically NOT invited to come when the baby is born and not for several weeks afterwards, likely not even then. Does this hurt!! OMgosh, yes, so much! But I know her, and she and I can only get along when there is a lot of space between us. (Harder still remembering that I was there for the birth of her first and second children, holding down the fort for weeks on end). Her explanation? "Mom, your voice, it's just your voice". (All 4 of my daughters and I sound exactly the same.)
Her MIL will be there. That stings, but I am trying to look at the positive. I get another sweet grandbaby. I will meet him sometime. He's healthy, their family is strong and good....just trying to count my blessings and not be offended when I am excluded.
Maybe your daughter just thinks you want your space and doesn't even think. She's your daughter, try talking to her.
I'm sorry that you're feeling depressed, and perhaps rejected, would you say?
How long have you been living in the same home as your daughter and her family? Do you need much help with everyday routines, or do you have any particular care needs?
Were other adults included in your granddaughter's birthday celebration? If you give us more information, we can give you better ideas about some steps to take. How old are you and like Countrymouse asked, how much help do you require from your daughter? Do you have other children? What's your relationship with them?
You can call the Area on Aging Agency and ask them to visit you and discuss what alternatives are available for you in your area. Maybe there is a sr center you could visit and be around others more yuur age with similar interests. Try getting out for a walk daily. Practice deep breathing. Watch your diet. Sometimes just the smallest adjustment can make a difference. Maybe you’ve noticed that nothing has really changed. Same living conditions. Same family. But one day all is well with the world and another day it isn’t. We get a little blue. Often all that is necessary is to just wait a day or two and we will feel better. If it continues talk to your doctor. Another thought is to write your granddaughter a letter. Wish her a happy birthday. Tell her a memory from when you were 12 and perhaps one from when yuur daughter was 12. Let her know that you love her. And do come back and visit this forum. Read through these suggestions and choose one or two to try. Remember we can’t change others but we can change ourselves. Answer some of the questions and you’ll get a bit of a therapy session out of your interaction here. We are all on our own paths in life but we deal with similar situations. Remember that you are still a mother. You are still showing your daughter how to mother. You are still a role model for all the women in your family. Whether they know it or not they are influenced by your actions. Let it be a positive thing. Not a criticism of them or a pity party for yourself. Save that for us. Be the best mom you can be and when you lay your head down you know you’ve done your best. Hugs
I'm so sorry that happened to you Beach.I'm sure that hurt your feelings. Like Blannie said,If you tell us a little more,maybe someone will have some ideas to help you. Take care~ Lu
You need to give more info. Do you eat with daughter and family? Are you expecting too much from daughter. Does she work and then has a home to care for and kids to run here and there. How old are you. If u have a 12 yr old grandchild then I'd assume you r in your 60s? If so and you have ur health, then maybe you need to do ur own thing. Do u have a Church? If not, see if there is one with a bible study. This way you meet some of the congregation or even people from other churches. Volunteer at a shelter. Maybe a nice pt job. Libraries usually have activities going on. Bus trips for Seniors. Get in touch with some single friends. I would find out why you feel your daughter hates you. You need to be ready for the worst. Maybe getting a mediator who can keep things under control. I have a friend that feels it's everyone else, not her.
I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. Family relationships are so hard. There are many resources in the community and through church. Maybe consider calling your town office and see if you can talk to a social worker. Or talk to your family doctor.
I don't know if your daughter is interested in family counselling. Sometimes its hard to get to the truth of an issue. I know you only want to be closer to her and your granddaughter and to feel included. We all do.
Thinking of you and I hope you can find some resources in the community that will help.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
However, your daughter not talking to you and hating you is a good reason to feel depressed. I don't think you should rely on her for your happiness. Do you have friends that you can go out with, or outside activities that you participate? I can't change your daughter's attitude towards you, but you can change your expectation of her.
I'm sorry for your hurts.
My mother lives with my brother's family, in a separate apartment. Same as yours.
They do not include mother in most events. She has come to understand that they need their "own family" time, and she respects that she will probably not be invited to go "upstairs" to any functions.
She doesn't like being left out of the loop, but in all honesty, she probably wouldn't ENJOY half the antics that a fairly youngish family is up to. Noisy parties, late into the night, etc. Also, you're HER mother, and it is very hard to share space as a grown woman with another grown woman. Case in point: My daughter is due to deliver her 3rd baby early in April. She lives 3000 miles away. I am specifically NOT invited to come when the baby is born and not for several weeks afterwards, likely not even then. Does this hurt!! OMgosh, yes, so much! But I know her, and she and I can only get along when there is a lot of space between us. (Harder still remembering that I was there for the birth of her first and second children, holding down the fort for weeks on end). Her explanation? "Mom, your voice, it's just your voice". (All 4 of my daughters and I sound exactly the same.)
Her MIL will be there. That stings, but I am trying to look at the positive. I get another sweet grandbaby. I will meet him sometime. He's healthy, their family is strong and good....just trying to count my blessings and not be offended when I am excluded.
Maybe your daughter just thinks you want your space and doesn't even think. She's your daughter, try talking to her.
How long have you been living in the same home as your daughter and her family? Do you need much help with everyday routines, or do you have any particular care needs?
Try getting out for a walk daily. Practice deep breathing. Watch your diet. Sometimes just the smallest adjustment can make a difference. Maybe you’ve noticed that nothing has really changed. Same living conditions. Same family. But one day all is well with the world and another day it isn’t.
We get a little blue. Often all that is necessary is to just wait a day or two and we will feel better. If it continues talk to your doctor.
Another thought is to write your granddaughter a letter. Wish her a happy birthday. Tell her a memory from when you were 12 and perhaps one from when yuur daughter was 12. Let her know that you love her.
And do come back and visit this forum. Read through these suggestions and choose one or two to try.
Remember we can’t change others but we can change ourselves.
Answer some of the questions and you’ll get a bit of a therapy session out of your interaction here. We are all on our own paths in life but we deal with similar situations. Remember that you are still a mother. You are still showing your daughter how to mother. You are still a role model for all the women in your family. Whether they know it or not they are influenced by your actions. Let it be a positive thing. Not a criticism of them or a pity party for yourself. Save that for us.
Be the best mom you can be and when you lay your head down you know you’ve done your best.
Hugs
Like Blannie said,If you tell us a little more,maybe someone will have some ideas to help you.
Take care~ Lu
Not knowing about the party must have hurt, like living right there with them it would also be embarrassing. I understand.
What is your relationship with your grand-daughter like?
Was it a children's party, and you would have enjoyed just helping out?
You asked about "resources".
For depression?
For another living situation?
For your own set of friends?
How can we help you?
I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. Family relationships are so hard. There are many resources in the community and through church. Maybe consider calling your town office and see if you can talk to a social worker. Or talk to your family doctor.
I don't know if your daughter is interested in family counselling. Sometimes its hard to get to the truth of an issue. I know you only want to be closer to her and your granddaughter and to feel included. We all do.
Thinking of you and I hope you can find some resources in the community that will help.