Older sister has put my mom in assisted living home without her consent. My mom is getting stages of Alzheimer’s and she basically tricked my mom signing everything over to her! And how I found out, my mother called me one day from a nursing home. I didn’t even know my sister did that and the other thing is my sister did not put me on the visitation list nor my kids so the nursing home said I cannot visit my mother unless my sister puts me on the forms. Me and my sister do not have a relationship, she has always been jealous of me and my mom’s relationship. My mom is my best friend and my sister has been jealous for years. She even tricked my mom into putting her house in her name. My mom thought it was in my name as well, my mom didn’t think my sister was capable of being so hateful. My mom calls me crying everyday. I don’t know what to do, it breaks my heart that my sister is money hungry. She thinks she will sell my mom's house. I’m losing my mind. I miss my mom.
Hadn't you better call the AL and ask what the visiting hours are and go see your mom?
Before you go off on your sister, find out if what mom is telling you in in fact true. Perhaps call the social worker at the home and find out what has been arranged for mom.
If you can, try to establish contact with your sister and CALMLY and RESPECTFULLY request that she add you and her grandchildren to the visitor list.
If that is denied try and talk to the social worker at the facility or an attorney to try and get you and the grandchildren on the visitor list.
My mom's IL, AL and NH had no sort of "list" that one hsd to be on.
Make contact with the social worker and find out what steps you need to take to visit mom.
I am going to assume that mom is in REHAB after an injury, which is usual. Not a permanent placement. How was mom being cared for before this?
Make this about what is best for mom and not.about sibling issues.
While I can visit and call, I’m still limited. For example; I asked the nursing home social worker if I could be listed as an emergency contact. No said the social worker. You have to get permission from your sister.
This sister can’t go anywhere because she can’t drive. Second person listed always don’t have enough money or time. And the last person listed never visited let alone help with care.
The main two never visit on a weekly basis but they have to be consulted after I bring up concerns.
Rangers15, Sorry about your heartache! It's so hard down here now!!!
How do you know all this?
If your Sister was caregiver to Mom, and Mom is suffering from dementia and has made your sister her POA, or if your sister has been names as her conservator or guardian, then your sister has every right to put Mom into care. Your Sister is likely managing your Mom's money for her by acting as her POA.
If you believe otherwise and HAVE EVIDENCE of fraud you should contact APS.
What is you understanding of Dementia?
Were you living with your Mother (in her home) prior to her hospital visit? Or live separately?
In a way we have to always assume that possibly, maybe without knowing even, we have done something to offend the other person and vice versa. Some of us know how to let it go and some desire with every bone in their body to keep it going any way they can (that is the case with my siblings – two especially). They decide to hate rather than handle with long handle spoon.
So try not to take offense at questions being asked or judgment. I know it feels that way because there is already a sore that’s not healed and this new matter that your sister did with mom just re-infected the sore.
Don’t even entertain this expectation - I would LOVE for my sister call me but she can’t even answer a call she knows what’s she’s done is wrong but she care less all she cares is she gots Power !
Give it a shot but no expectation (situation will only change if everyone wants it to change. So far I've been the only one trying to get alone even after promises on moms death bed from the other two) - Could be helped by a third party: a Family Mediator, Social Worker or Faith/Community Leader to ensure the facts are made clear to the OP & better comprehended.
Ouch {well that is a decision that our sisters get to make but ugly we were not included in the decision} - she’s not working she lives on 100 acres perfectly good
I enjoyed this with my parents as well - she would call us 15 times a day I loved it we talked about everything my sister hated it!
I asked for a list of medication and they told me they wouldn’t give it to me because I don’t have authority or her caregiver! – {That is the position of the nursing home my father is in. Goes on to say only the one that signed him in can sign him out even if I/another person wants to take over the care or even to place him on hospice for extra set of eyes.} {Says I can be told how he is doing and visit but nothing more.} {So even when I attend medical appointments with him (so he sees a familiar face and to help, unless the doctor puts suggestions in writing, me letting them know what's said goes unheard - case of specialist requesting primary check for dehydration. Claim it has been done but will not let me see results.}
So again Rangers15 sorry for your heartache. If the free options don’t resolve you being able to visit or help with moms care, you'll have to search for an attorney that you can afford. From my understanding even if your sister ends up getting guardianship, you can request visitation in writing.
Wishing you WELL!
Geaton long ago published the family mediation sites that may help you and others in similar situation. I wish you good luck.
Mediate.com Directories of Mediators are at APDMnet.org (Academy of Professional Family Mediators) ACRnet.org is the Assn. for Conflict Resolution.
However your sister did get the POA, it appears that she does have it now. A well written POA gives broad powers to act for a person who has dementia and is unable to act in her own behalf.
I am so sorry for your pain and hope things work out for you.