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So Aps came and took my mother from her hospital visit and put her in a home and is trying to get conservator over her. This was not needed and they are trying to say I always abusive and neglect and isolation. Mind you nothing was really wrong with my mom. She lost weight from her stable dementia according to her doctor. And has diabetic blisters and they are saying I did it. My mom has gone to doctor appointments saying things not true in the past and it was documented but that was over a year ago and now they are barely trying to do something. So they have her in a home and we are not allowed to visit or call her or even take her things.

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If APS is involved you most likely are heading towards guardianship.

Read posts on guardianship before you go down that rabbit hole. Once you sign those papers it is hard to get help going forward cause the courts will put the responsibilities on you. Also make sure to understand you will have annual reporting which can be annoying and tends to lead many to few their LO as a job.

Once the government gets involved things get messy and complicated.

Speak to a lawyer but also read up on stories regarding guardianship to fully understand what you are getting yourself into.
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AlvaDeer Nov 24, 2024
Just adding on one thing. Guardianship is ALSO very difficult to get out of. Short of illness you almost can't as you need a Judge to give permission for you to resign and they often will not. POA is easy to resign from, but not guardianship.
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This is a legal issue now. Best to lawyer up so that you can defend yourself. I hope you have not waited too long to do this?
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I hope you will update us after your day in court, E.
I agree with Way. I would not want to be the caregiver for this person at all.
Allow the state to do it. Move back to being loving family instead of hated caregiver, would be my advise. Not worth anything you may be getting from it. This isn't a situation that is NOW or EVER WILL BE making ANYONE happy.
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I wouldn’t want to be a hands on caregiver of this person . It would just set you up for more allegations.
Leave her at the facility . As already said , dementia is NEVER stable , it’s progressive and behaviors can change and be unpredictable at times .

Many parents don’t like being told what to do by their ( adult) children . Some lie with allegations. My mother called 911 and lied to the operator who answered her 911 call , then mom admitted to the police that she was lying because she was angry at me . She also lied to my siblings other times . No one believed her . She was a manipulative lying narcissist her whole life .

The most I would do is try to fight for supervised visits, bringing her things .
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Scampie1 Nov 21, 2024
Way,

I agree with you. I'm beginning to believe that it's a liability being a caretaker to the elderly.

When I find myself walking on eggshells around a situation, it is time for me to leave.

My older sister was constantly calling APS and making false reports that I was abusing my sister. Years later, my older sister is now in a nursing home and wanted me to be here POA. I was like; no way!!! There was no way I was going to allow ungrateful and disrespectful family members have control over my life. Last I heard she was in cognitive decline.

Last thing I need right now is someone being abusive and making false reports and trying to sue me for some made up nonsense.
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There’s no such thing as stable dementia. It’s always going downhill.
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So yes I do have record of her finances, and they are all on point as they should be, my wife had created a folder strictly for her that has a care plan, her daily/weekly schedule and log, a meds log, and her daily activities. It's crazy how she was being a way when she moved her, VS now how nice and sweet and apologetic she is for her past behaviors. I actually have her doctors report for her just weeks before this hospital visit, and her doctor said her dementia was stable and she just was off about time and place, she got rid of her diabetes due to our good diet we kept hee on, a well as my wife's natural tinctures, like I said the only issue that visit they had was her Lil blisters and she weight loss. But everything is recorded. Matter fact as has done nothing for her nor has her primary doctor, We as a family took this on and did every thing ourselves. , and yes her caretaker is family so she will be testifying g
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Did APS run an investigation? Were you questioned at all? Who put in the complaint Mom or the hospital?
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Emmanuelp Nov 20, 2024
No ma'am they never came to the house to investigate or properly investigate the family or even her caretaker, I was not questioned more like told what was happening. And her doctor did that last year. Im not sure if u can read ,y comments to other replies I've got but more details are in my replies to ppl
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If you and the family aren't allowed to visit, the court has already appointed a conservator for your mother. So what you will have to do is petition the court to have the conservator removed and you replace them.

Is your mother's doctor willing to testify and tell the court that he found no signs of abuse?

I was a caregiver for 25 years and now am in the business of it. Many times when an elder cries wolf to get attention, or make their family caregivers look bad, or just wants to cause a little trouble they will make up lies about being abused, neglected, starved, isolated... whatever. They don't get that sometimes the wrong people will be listening like overly-zealous nurses or social workers and they will be taken seriously. Then that elder ends up learning the hard way because they get placed against their will.

Think about it though. Do you really want to take her out of care and resume responsibility for her when she lies about you and tells people you're abusing and neglecting her when you aren't? When she's out of care it will be you having to deal with the care, the fighting, and everything else 24/7 - 365. Just think about it. Her being in care may turn out to be a blessing.
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Emmanuelp Nov 20, 2024
Thanks for replying, I'm the wife, and daughter in law. Your so right about really wanting to take responsibility when she was doin all that I'll talking. But since then she had a stroke and doesn't remember any of that, it's a win because she is a lot nicer but now having to answer in court for it is bs, so her doctor is apparently the one who contacted aps last year about her living here due to her saying stuff like we have no money, or she only eats or showers once a week, or she don't get to take her meds... it's all crap, I felt bad and figured we can't just leave her but my husband her son was like f it she did all that just to go back to where she wasn't getting cared for so let it be, now I have some thinking to do lol
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" My mom has gone to doctor appointments saying things not true..."

If her allegations of abuse/neglect aren't true, then this is a symptom of dementia or mental illness. You are in denial about what is happening to her cognitively. APS would not recommend guardianship if she had all her mind and was safe to live without help.
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Emmanuelp Nov 20, 2024
Obviously she has dementia and yes she had it in her mind that she would get moved back to where she wants and boom. I know exa6 what's going on with her.
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You need to see an attorney.
You will need one IF the allegations are true and you have to appear in court.
You will need one IF the allegations are not true and you need to go to court to obtain Guardianship if you do not have POA.
In the mean time keep a cool head, do not say or do anything that will hurt your case during the investigation.
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Emmanuelp Nov 20, 2024
We have POA and they are moving as if we don't, it's hard to find some legal help I guess being where we are really located, but burnt has some points and it's all about what's best for everyone, they allegat6 are false. The mom never said we abused her , well not physically. Tge hospi came up with some waaay out speculations like her son must be torturing her by cutting her knees with knives lol because she had scratched on them. Idk I'm super overwhelmed and it doesn't involve me personally. Just trying to dk the right thing
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I am afraid, if your mother has accused you of neglect or wrongdoing, that this is done.
I do not think that you will win in a case brought for conservatorship by the courts and a court appointed fiduciary to act in placing your mother safely in care.
At this point, if I were you, and if you are being SCRUPULOUSLY honest with us, I would attend the court hearing and tell the judge:
1. My mom has a documented history of wrongfully accusing myself and others of wrongdoing.
2. I am aware mom was found to have a blister, but she is diabetic. My home and how it was found is proof (hopefully?????) of my meticulous care of my Mom's skin; I did all I could and I reported it to doctor for wound care (hopefully?????). But her diabetes took over.
3. I have kept meticulous records of all of mom's money and what it was used for (hopefully??????) and here they are.
4. If the state decides they wish to be responsible for mom's care and placement I will assist in her cooperation and I only ask if she can be near me so I can visit her.

This is your best way forward. And if the home was well kept, your records are good, you did report any breaches of skin care to the doctor, and etc (??????) then you MAY have a chance still to visit your mom.
However, your caregiving days are likely over, and that may be for the best for both you and your mother.
The other thing I will tell you is that APS is most often, here on the Forum and in my experience as a nurse, very loathe to act to get court conservatorship. In fact they are most often accused of NOT acting for a senior when it is clear they should have. So IF they are taking this to court I believe it must be with good reason.
I am sorry. But this gives you opportunity still to visit and love your mother and be her son, not her caregiver. The courts will function to take care of everything. You can get on with you life. Try to make the best of this, cooperate, if only for your mom's sake.
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Grandma1954 Nov 20, 2024
great response
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