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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You said there is no money for a nursing home, but in-home care will be very expensive too, and probably less safe. As you wrote in your reply below, she won't listen to family, so she would not listen to strangers either, no matter how kind.
In my area in-home care through an agency, which takes care of taxes, etc., is around $35 an hour, plus overtime in some cases. That is for basic companion type care, little to no nursing care.
I suggest meeting with a senior care manager, who can evaluate with you how to get her into a facility that can meet her needs and give you and your husband you lives back.
Please don't consider a live-in aid. This will further degrade your privacy, and this type of arrangement has it's own unsavory challenges and problems. You can read about it on this forum.
At 100 yrs old I don't think she needs a diagnosis to understand she has cognitive impairment (dementia) based on your description of her behavior you posted in a response to AlvaDeer.
This means she doesn't get to drive your bus.
Is anyone her PoA? If so, this person needs to get out the document and read it. Then make plans to transition her to a facility. And this is assuming she can pay for it. You don't pay for it, it's unsustainable. This is why the PoA needs to become active: so her accounts can be legally accessed and her assets used.
You don't try to try to get her to agree or even tell her because you know she won't do it willingly. If it's your house, not hers, you decide who lives there. If it's her house, not yours... this is a different situation and you may need to talk to an elder law attorney first.
Or, you can see if she qualifies for hospice (which is covered by her Medicare). If she can be assessed for LTC this can be covered by her SS income and Medicaid, if she qualifies both financially and medically.
Or, you call 911 and tell them she isn't herself and may have an untreated UTI (do not mention dementia since this isn't considered a medical emergency and they won't come). At the ER you tell them she's an unsafe discharge and you aren't her caregivers and continuously refuse to take her home. Ask to talk to a hospital social worker to discuss having her discharged directly into a facility from the hospital.
Please know that since she seems partly mobile but is a big fall risk, if she goes into a facility the first thing that is likely to happen is she falls and breaks something. This happens even in private homes, all the time. The hip break thing. There's no way to prevent it in a facility for someone determined to get up and walk when they can't. Also been there, done that.
Finally, I respectfully request you educate yourself about age-related cognitive decline, memory impairment and dementia so that you don't hold her accountable for things she says and does that she is no longer capable of controlling. Been there, done that.
I wish you success in getting her appropriate care and reclaiming your lives.
We are not an employment agency just a forum of caregivers.
I live in NJ, in the SW. Its going to be cheaper down here than in the North. More expensive near the cities than suburbs. You have to give the person at least minimum wage, which is $15.00 an hr now. You are going to need to take out payroll taxes and see they get to the correct agency. Your going to need to match the SS. You can't work this person more than 40 hrs a week. They are entitled to time off.
I suggest you call your local Labor board to see what your responsibilities are to a live-in employee if u go private. There should be agencies near you to get quotes. Hiring an agency means they do the payroll.
The cost will be enormous. You need to know for YOUR own area the cost--and for your OWN situation. So, it ends all yours and on your plate. Exloration will soon have you adding up columns with your pencil.
Let me give you an example. A friend died two years ago. Pain took her to hospital where it was found she was riddled with cancer, with little thought that any treatment would help. She chose hospice. But had no family. She went home alone which was only allowed because she had a friend who hired two caregivers (both illegals in this country, by the way, or she would have paid much more) for 20.00 an hour. The caregivers worked dedicated for months, and were absolute angels. They worked in 12 hour shifts. They cooked, cleaned, cared for N. with NO TIME OFF. They did all the shopping, and ordering in of food. Those are the facts, legal or not. Hospice was good for two bedbaths per week, one RN for about 30" once a week, medications, hospital bed and commode chair, call from clergy and a call from a Social Worker who knew nothing about anything. Now you get to the 20.00 an hour for 24 hours per day. You can figure that out easily. Pencil to paper and you have your answer as to what it cost
And this would be MINIMAL and it would be done, yup, under the table, around the table and behind the table--any which way. And that, along with the help of two friends who had years ago worked with her, is how she bought her death. Figure it out for two months, pencil in hand. You can see what it is.
Now, also, figure out--let us say-- doing it the legal way. Or through an agency. You are looking at double the cost my friend paid. And at the fact that workers today just often do not show up. With cause or without.
Only the family involved can figure this out for their own area, their own person in need of care and there are a million factors, all as individual as your mom's own fingerprint.
I wish you the very best of luck, but this is something you have to research. I can only wish you best of luck. We here get questions every day. But few come back as I just did about N.'s hospice situation, to say "This is how I did it" and "This is what it cost". We would love it if you have the will and strength after all you are going through to do just that.
I can only wish you good luck. Really, the best of luck. I once believed in a "right way" and a "wrong way" and now I believe in any which way you can. My heart goes out to you. This is such tough stuff, and the learning curve isn't so much a curve as a cliff you fall right off of, kicking and screaming. We all know how hard it is to save money, and my friend's savings, even THOUGH her care was "cheap" for our times, hemorrhaged her money out in a way I simply couldn't believe (to say nothing of the hardship in accessing her tied up funds).
I truly wish you the very best and would love if you include us with updates on this journey of learning all you never wanted to know. That's how I describe the time I came here six years ago, having been dropped into being POA/Trustee for my bro. Lean curve more a leap off a cliff.
I appreciate You taking the time to read and respond..I am at my Wit's End with my Mother. She won't do what we all tell her to do, to keep safe, and avoid the Falls. She listens to NONE of us-Me, my Husband (we live in with her), my Brother, Cousin, NONE of us. Gets up on her own, without us knowing, gets to her Walker and falls over. This is starting to take its toll on my mental as well as physical health. It's like she does it all for attention. We can't leave her alone at ANY given time, without ONE of us having to be in the same room with her. She can't afford Nursing Home Care (has very little money). Rhis "arrangement" of us living in with her, is no longer working...My husband and I have NO LIFE... :(
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
In my area in-home care through an agency, which takes care of taxes, etc., is around $35 an hour, plus overtime in some cases. That is for basic companion type care, little to no nursing care.
I suggest meeting with a senior care manager, who can evaluate with you how to get her into a facility that can meet her needs and give you and your husband you lives back.
At 100 yrs old I don't think she needs a diagnosis to understand she has cognitive impairment (dementia) based on your description of her behavior you posted in a response to AlvaDeer.
This means she doesn't get to drive your bus.
Is anyone her PoA? If so, this person needs to get out the document and read it. Then make plans to transition her to a facility. And this is assuming she can pay for it. You don't pay for it, it's unsustainable. This is why the PoA needs to become active: so her accounts can be legally accessed and her assets used.
You don't try to try to get her to agree or even tell her because you know she won't do it willingly. If it's your house, not hers, you decide who lives there. If it's her house, not yours... this is a different situation and you may need to talk to an elder law attorney first.
Or, you can see if she qualifies for hospice (which is covered by her Medicare). If she can be assessed for LTC this can be covered by her SS income and Medicaid, if she qualifies both financially and medically.
Or, you call 911 and tell them she isn't herself and may have an untreated UTI (do not mention dementia since this isn't considered a medical emergency and they won't come). At the ER you tell them she's an unsafe discharge and you aren't her caregivers and continuously refuse to take her home. Ask to talk to a hospital social worker to discuss having her discharged directly into a facility from the hospital.
Please know that since she seems partly mobile but is a big fall risk, if she goes into a facility the first thing that is likely to happen is she falls and breaks something. This happens even in private homes, all the time. The hip break thing. There's no way to prevent it in a facility for someone determined to get up and walk when they can't. Also been there, done that.
Finally, I respectfully request you educate yourself about age-related cognitive decline, memory impairment and dementia so that you don't hold her accountable for things she says and does that she is no longer capable of controlling. Been there, done that.
I wish you success in getting her appropriate care and reclaiming your lives.
I live in NJ, in the SW. Its going to be cheaper down here than in the North. More expensive near the cities than suburbs. You have to give the person at least minimum wage, which is $15.00 an hr now. You are going to need to take out payroll taxes and see they get to the correct agency. Your going to need to match the SS. You can't work this person more than 40 hrs a week. They are entitled to time off.
I suggest you call your local Labor board to see what your responsibilities are to a live-in employee if u go private. There should be agencies near you to get quotes. Hiring an agency means they do the payroll.
You need to know for YOUR own area the cost--and for your OWN situation.
So, it ends all yours and on your plate. Exloration will soon have you adding up columns with your pencil.
Let me give you an example. A friend died two years ago. Pain took her to hospital where it was found she was riddled with cancer, with little thought that any treatment would help.
She chose hospice. But had no family. She went home alone which was only allowed because she had a friend who hired two caregivers (both illegals in this country, by the way, or she would have paid much more) for 20.00 an hour.
The caregivers worked dedicated for months, and were absolute angels. They worked in 12 hour shifts. They cooked, cleaned, cared for N. with NO TIME OFF. They did all the shopping, and ordering in of food.
Those are the facts, legal or not.
Hospice was good for two bedbaths per week, one RN for about 30" once a week, medications, hospital bed and commode chair, call from clergy and a call from a Social Worker who knew nothing about anything.
Now you get to the 20.00 an hour for 24 hours per day.
You can figure that out easily. Pencil to paper and you have your answer as to what it cost
And this would be MINIMAL and it would be done, yup, under the table, around the table and behind the table--any which way. And that, along with the help of two friends who had years ago worked with her, is how she bought her death. Figure it out for two months, pencil in hand. You can see what it is.
Now, also, figure out--let us say-- doing it the legal way. Or through an agency. You are looking at double the cost my friend paid. And at the fact that workers today just often do not show up. With cause or without.
Only the family involved can figure this out for their own area, their own person in need of care and there are a million factors, all as individual as your mom's own fingerprint.
I wish you the very best of luck, but this is something you have to research. I can only wish you best of luck. We here get questions every day. But few come back as I just did about N.'s hospice situation, to say "This is how I did it" and "This is what it cost". We would love it if you have the will and strength after all you are going through to do just that.
I can only wish you good luck. Really, the best of luck. I once believed in a "right way" and a "wrong way" and now I believe in any which way you can. My heart goes out to you. This is such tough stuff, and the learning curve isn't so much a curve as a cliff you fall right off of, kicking and screaming. We all know how hard it is to save money, and my friend's savings, even THOUGH her care was "cheap" for our times, hemorrhaged her money out in a way I simply couldn't believe (to say nothing of the hardship in accessing her tied up funds).
I truly wish you the very best and would love if you include us with updates on this journey of learning all you never wanted to know. That's how I describe the time I came here six years ago, having been dropped into being POA/Trustee for my bro. Lean curve more a leap off a cliff.