I visited with my father all day today. We went to the grocery store and then had lunch out. When we got back to the assisted living facility all the aides were so nice. They all said they missed my father. He was only away for maybe 4 hours!
Then there was an aide hustling around with bed sheets. a resident, a woman comes out of her room and says to the aide "Do you want to see my new painting?" I was ready for the aide to say something like "I don't have time now" or "I'll stop by later or something". But no. The aide stopped what they were doing and went into the woman's room for like 5 minutes to look at her painting. I really can't believe just how caring the aides are where my father is. Obviously this makes me feel so good that my father is well taken care of.
Is this type of excellent care fairly common or did me and my family just luck out?
So if you are hesitant or even scared of assisted living you can know that there are places where the residents are cared for.
The two aides we have caring for my mother also are very caring kind people. One will go shopping for my mom at Costco when she is out doing hers. The other has oftentimes brought my mothers laundry home and insisted on doing it at no charge.
In this journey as miserable as it is, I have found there are compassionate capable people who do this work because they choose to.
I feel that my family is very lucky to have found wonderful caring people.
Such people do exist.
We used a respite home prior to finding this gem. The staff was warm and caring but the boss was controlling - a real micromanager. I felt awful for her staff. You could sense the tension rise when the boss came around.
I wish everyone care as good as we have for my mother. We’re very grateful.
The aides at my mom’s end of life hospice care home were wonderful. My mom was very pleased with the entire staff. They loved her and she loved them.
And always if there is someone that goes out of their way for you or your dad let the management know and send a copy of your praise as they can use it in their resume. Or it may help if they want a promotion or get a better schedule. A facility can not afford to lose good staff.
And always remember when you enter the facility smile and say Good Morning (or afternoon) to the staff you see, even the person moping the floor. They remember you and if you treat them with kindness and respect they will treat you and your dad the same way. Say good bye and thank you when you leave.
If you happen to think about it stop by Sam's or Costco sometime and pick up a tray of cookies or other treat. Spread the times around so that each shift gets an opportunity for a share. (I am sure homemade goodies are not permitted otherwise I would suggest that) Some ideas:
cookies
fruit tray
popcorn
a bag of individually wrapped candy or mints.
for a splurge, coffee, hot chocolate and donuts
Sandwich tray
Call in a pizza delivery for them
box of chocolates.
Count your blessings.
Have to add I never would have found this place, nor even chosen it had I time to look. It’s embedded in a larger graduated care compound and they don’t advertise their MC. Also the cognitive levels of residents are mixed and the layout looks goofy on first impression - you walk in and right in the entry space they hold their chair exercise class for example. As time has passed I realize how completely awesome they are. Knowing what I know now I pretty much worship the ground the entire MC crew walks on!
This place prioritizes admitting residents from the compound they’re attached to, however I would guess that they and other embedded MCs accept respite patients and people from outside the regular facility when there is extra space. For anyone looking for an MC I highly recommend peeking into these embedded MCs as a possible option.
My Mom was in a small AL and like everything else in life, you have your good ones and not so good ones. At Moms AL the good out weighted the bad. Another thing to remember, is that the nice residents will get more attention then the ones not so nice. Its human nature. My daughter was an LPN now an RN and she takes the "not so nice" as a challenge. My Dad was a Curmudgeon and daughter says that having him as a grandfather helps her deal with the other Curmudgeons she comes across.
And, quite frankly, instead of asking if this behavior is common, you might have asked how you go about acknowledging and thanking these people for their kindness and dedication.
Because even if this behavior wasn't common, it apparently is in the facility where your dad resides. This might be a good time to be grateful and find a way to express that gratitude. I imagine the staff would very much appreciate it.
A smallish memory care near me finds something to celebrate almost every day. A birthday, holidays, they have picnics and BBQs for aides, family and residents. Rides around the property in the golf cart are a treat. So are trips to the ice cream place in the minivan. Praise from aides for any accomplishment is common. This starts with the owner of the facility, who runs it according to Teepa Snow advice.
If you don’t look for these places, you won’t find them, but they are out there.
care aides work so very hard and some receive nothing but complaints. It would make their day to hear a thank you. Yes, you are very lucky to have found such a caring place. Recognition is usually passed down through management of the company.
There’s also a tone set by the leadership that you can sense when you walk in - the stress of even those looking to do the right thing can be palpable - and they’ll likely tell you with words or body language.
As humans, we are wired to remember the negative moments so your surprise here is not surprising! Also it’s why it’s important to remember to thank folks (at least 5 compliments for one criticism).
glad you found a caring place