My brother who was handling his financial affairs has had an irrevocable falling out with Dad and doesn't want to see him again. My Dad is at the stage where he trusts nobody especially my brother( this is totally unwarranted) My sister is not a fan either. This falling out happened 3 days ago and I haven't contacted my father for fear of either being verbally abused or goaded into agreeing what a terrible person my brother is (which he isn't) and having to take sides. By the following conversation I had with my brother after the argument it appears my father is trying to turn my sister and me against my brother. The morning of the fallout we had to get papers signed for POA and enduring guardianship. I don't think Dad understood what he signed. He doesn't trust me or any of us even the Lawyers on the coals. My brother and sister don't want him with them at XMAS and so now im holding the bag. The thing is WE DONT WANT HIS MONEY!!!!. Not just the price of our mental health. I've just started on Valdoxan anxiety medication which I hate taking and a possible ulcer. My father has no emapthy or care for anyone but himself, and will not go into care or accept assisted living.
We were going to move him in with us which he thankfully seems to be resisting. What do I do let him die at home???
Why would you be holding the bag for Xmas? Who said you HAD to invite your father over to your home? You could go visit him that day if you want, but you shouldn't have to be the one who must deal with him since the others won't.
Do not move him in with you, ever. That would end badly. You're not 'leaving him to die' at home. Until he can be declared incompetent, you can't do much for him. When it's obvious he can no longer decide things for himself, get Adult Protective Services involved and go from there.
Your father's dementia will get worse, and the bright side of that may be that his fear and mistrust will diminish. How is he managing the practical side of daily life at the moment?
Meanwhile. I'm sorry for what your brother had to go through, and your sister too to a lesser extent, and I'm sorry for how hard your father is to handle. But he has dementia. It does sound as though the three of you are still approaching him, and having expectations of him, in the same way as you would a person whose mental health and brain function were fine.
Saying "oo dear, try not to take it personally!" to people in your situation will get whoever says it a well-deserved poke in the eye; but it is still true that any insults and accusations your father throws are not based in reality and shouldn't be treated as such.
The key rule is "you can't reason with dementia." Think back over recent events bearing that uppermost in your mind, and see if they feel any different.
Thankyou.
Sometimes we just have to step back and let our elders succeed or fail and then step in and pick up the pieces.
Has your dad been checked for a urinary tract infection? Sudden change in behavior is a sign in the elderly that they have an infection of some type and a large portion of the time it is UTI.
Best of luck, I would caution you about moving him into your home. Just think about how stressful it is now, imagine that you can't get away, that you don't have a choice to see or talk to him.
My suggestion is to call Adult Protection Services and tell them Dad needs help. Also, tell them he is estranged from his children. There was abuse on his part and none of you are able to care for him. Hopefully, APS will take over and the State will become his guardian. This way he gets care and none of u will have to take on any responsibility.