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My elderly mother is 81-years-old. She has been making up stories to caregivers, and friends. They are always about me but 100% not true. We live together. She says I called her a b*tch this morning, which I never said anything, I was in my room and the caregiver knows she’s making stories up. Caregiver took her to the Drs this morning and called ahead of time to let the staff know she’s hallucinating. When she gets there she acted on spot, so the dr told the caregiver she seemed fine. I have to deal with this on a daily basis. Then the caregiver took her to lunch and she was forgetting things. Caregiver is getting stressed from her behavior with me, and her when she lashes out at her. I’m afraid she’s going to quit, and I cannot deal with this without her. My sister is not involved, and very seldom visits so it’s just me.


Im afraid one day she’s going to tell her social worker things that aren’t true, and she’d believe her. I’m loving, caring, attentive to her needs but, of course she tells people I do nothing for her.


HELP! She has not been diagnosed with Dementia, or Alzheimer’s, and the Dr. thinks she fine because she acts that way in front of him.

You need to take her out to lunch and wear her out first and then go straight to the doctor so she is too tired to showtime.
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Reply to Southernwaver
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Geaton777 Jul 4, 2024
Exactly. Make sure the appointment is late in the afternoon.
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Professionals who deal with dementia patients are accustomed to such behavior. Video some instances of mom’s behavior. Show them to the doctor.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Saddened to know I am not alone experiencing this exact situation. Live in full time caregiver for my 85y mother. Older sister only in contact with our mother via phone. Therefore, sister only hears what mother tells her.
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Reply to KarentheCaregvr
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Lavoy1 Jul 3, 2024
Hi, I’m sorry that you are dealing with this same issue 😓 If you have any words of wisdom for me that would be great! Another issue is her verbally abusing me. She has no recollection of the things she said to me this morning, and wondering why I’m so anxious. I’m literally scared all the time, wondering if this is a good day, or bad. The Dr. just said today that he sees nothing wrong with her. She knows exactly what to say. I don’t even have a diagnosis yet!
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Look up confabulation vs lying

Also notice at the top of the page is a heading called Care Topics. Look up hallucinations and delusions.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-to-know-about-confabulation
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Thanks for sharing. My 86 year old father acts the same way.
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Reply to Nina12
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What's this doc doing in the exam? Just chitchatting with her? Is she getting a test for memory and executive function? Find a different doctor.
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Reply to Geaton777
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*Show-Timing*

The polite, best manners reserved for strangers & people in authority.

In a quiet office, 1:1, concentration is held & a person can be at their cognitive best.

"Yes Doctor, I am well. Thank you."

But family see the real deal.
Family (& well known caregivers) take the brunt of the daily frustrations, anger, fear, pain.
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Reply to Beatty
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Has UTI been ruled out? A commonly occurring infection that for some reason causes strange symptoms inc delerium/hallucinations in elders.
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Reply to Beatty
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Lavoy1 Jul 4, 2024
Getting that done ✅
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Please protect yourself:
Document whatever you can. Make videos that show her abuse against you. Some elderly mothers end up lying and calling the police on their sweet, innocent daughters. Have the proof, documentation, ready so you can show it’s she who abuses you and lies.
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Reply to ventingisback
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I was just in the same boat for 5 yrs in the same boat and really nobody believed me because they had no reason NOT to believe her because they didn’t know the actual level of my mom’s dementia. And everyone is different. But the alzheimer’s Association calmed me down. This is so common when we are their only real person. They want sympathy, attention from anyone else. Their mind just seeks that childlike attention from “oh you poor thing” and it is ok. I do record her more often now to save my butt because a loud noise in the shower she interrupts to “I think something abusive just happened but I can’t figure out what” so they make up what makes sense or gets the more attention. I have cameras all over now in case she falls or anything anyway so it’s better to just be safe. It’s very common. Makes everyone hate you until they realize her severity. Good luck! Hang in there! You can call the Alzheimer’s association 24 seven for caregiving help or caregiver burn out. They are awesome and walk you through stuff at 3 AM.
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Reply to Boomercare247
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