We are going to get his Court ordered Psych Eval done while he is here. At least he won’t have to be at the hearings! She has emotionally abused him. He is 90. Do any of you lovely people know how I can get this Evaluation done? I assume that the Assisted Living facility has these docs? Do I bring in an outside doc. Anyone been through this before? Time is important to get this done! Thank you,
Frustrated and lost
Is the purpose to determine his competence?
You say he has dementia but now say he needs an evaluation...so how do you know he has dementia now? Does he have a diagnosis? I have read on this forum that if the judge deems that the family power struggle is detrimental to the elder, s/he will assign a neutral 3rd party as the guardian.
Evan if you are not his PoA or legal guardian you may be able to convince him to go have a neuropsych eval for competency but then you won't be privy to the results unless you are his Medical Representative. This is a HIPAA form he must fill out and assign someone at that clinic but not sure what happens when someone with dementia fills it out, if it holds legal water. Even if it did I'm not sure it allows you to request his medical records.
Have you consulted with an elder law attorney? If not I strongly recommend it as money well spent. Laws surrounding this issue can differ by state and this is a global forum.
If you win guardianship, who is going to be his primary caregiver in their home 24/7? What is the plan moving forward? Is there more to this story?
You say he is "here"; where is that?
You say "court ordered psych". What exactly did the court order?
Your profile also seems to indicate there is a lawyer involved. Have you asked her/him what the court is ordering?
Speak with your attorney very candidly on all this. If they don’t have the experience, they need to do a referral asap. I will say if you are at all going to accuse his wife on abusing him as you did on your post, well you better have a trail on this with police & APS reports and photographs showing physical abuse. Otherwise it can devolve into greedy kids wanting dads $ and wanting to cut out the woman he chose to marry and have a life with scenario.
That atty of yours needs to take the lead on doing what’s needed for the court. A great one has a ton of experience with how the judge rolls and what works or more importantly doesn’t work & will not be taken under consideration.
Do know that you may be only in on the beginning of this, that this is an expensive process, at the least about 10,000 without much of a fight, and that you may have to pay court costs if you lose trying to wrest control of decisions from your Father's wife.
I am certain your attorney will be able to answer all your questions, help you with an evaluation that is a disinterested party, and explain costs to you, and likelihood of your winning or losing this case. Especially if this wife has been with your Dad for some few years. I think you will lose.
You know your father; I am assuming you and your siblings see him frequently. Can you explain to us what his current mentation is in your own evaluation? And what his wishes and abilities are? Have you always had a bad relationship with your Dad's wife? Have you been involved in your Dad's day to day life? You do need to understand that if Dad does have dementia, his wife, in the absence of other instructions, is the one who directs his care.
What are YOUR plans for your father and his current diagnosed dementia?
Do know that I have a predjudice here, being for 36 years the domestic partner, my mate and myself having appointed one another as POA for both health and financial should anything happen to incapacitate one of the other of us. Our children on both sides understand this and agree to this, and I will tell you woe betide any that go against us in this should a time come when we must make decisions for one another. Would not be pretty.
My Mom was in a small AL. She kept her own doctors. An RN was the only medical person. So, I would say if a Judge orders an eval you need to find a Dr. and you need to take him.
For the AL to except your Dad he must have needed some kind of assistance. I really don't see how you can prove she is not caring for him. She placed him in an AL where he is safe and cared for. She "is" his wife and he assigned her POA.
Be aware, that as his wife she is entitled to at least 50% of the marital assets. If you get guardianship and move him, you are taking him from his wife (good or bad) and her from her husband. I am familiar with someone who seems to abuse her husband verbally but he does not feel that way, he is happy with her.
It would be interesting to see how this guardianship goes so please come back and update us.
Long term GF can get a usufruct too. It’s somewhat stickier as you might need to be show you were considered a punitive wife.
Kids from previous marriage trying to dislodge the current wife if she’s at all competent and cognitive from his financials or health care decisions will not be easy imo.
dad’s wife tried to “put him away” 5 years ago. In a home with 3 other mentally challenged men. Dad’s wife then changed her phone number and went on an online dating site. She took him out when she realized the cost. Her daughter had a falling out with her mother and called one of my sisters telling us all this and more!
Yes, I have an experienced Elder Law attorney. Yes, I know the cost and yes, we gave a plan. I have been having her followed for 4 weeks now. We have incriminating evidence thus far. I am prepared to absorb the cost. My dad needs some happiness before he passes.
We do not want dad’s money but she does. We also have evidence of that. It’s a sad scenario . She only went the day after putting him in the assisted living to visit. She also had her one daughter text me for her mother that “ if I call off my lawyer, she’ll take him out and you gave 4 hours to give a response to that.” None if dad’s kids were aware that she put him in. I did some calling around and found him. Don’t you think that maybe she is abusing her POA if she won’t let dad’s kids see him through the years. We have bent over backwards to work with her but….
If you all have anymore insight, please respond. Thank you
You are having her followed? To prove exactly what? Because if she has had to place her husband due to his need for dementia care, then she certainly has a right to date others. Many people do. Essentially the person they love is gone, but the one who is in the shell of all their beloved was, needs 24/7 care.
I think, from what we know now, of her not allowing children to visit, there is a lot of water under the bridge already; a flood of it. I do think that you are very likely to get at the least supervised visits out of all this. If you are willing to invest your funds for that, I think you have a decent chance.
Wishing you the best. You paint the portrait of an entirely "evil" person whose own daughter is joining forces with you. If your portrait is an accurate representation the daughter's testimony in court may help you.
And again, be guided by your lawyer. You will be paying for it. Good luck. Were it me I would be moving on with my own life after 5 years, knowing that my Dad is demented, and my showing up would likely be like a stranger to him.
Is your lawyer directing that effort, or did you simply want to vent about his awful wife (that's fine if you do).
Do you know for a fact he is unhappy or even realizes the battle that is raging over him? Has he recently expressed this to you or someone in your family? I'm asking because if you get to court and the only thing you "have" on her is that she *appears* to be just a lonely burnt-out caregiver visiting dating apps but your dad isn't being financially or any other way abused...
I would like to point out that there are often posts on this forum by adult children of an elderly parent who begins dating while their still-living mother or father with advanced dementia/ALZ is in a facility and the children are emotionally distraught over this, not understanding about the caregiving parent's loneliness. Please be aware that some attorneys will be happy to take you down this road and take your money knowing you don't have a winnable case. What is the "incriminating evidence" you say you have? What is it exactly? It may help to know this if you choose to disclose it.
Is anyone looking into this woman's past to see if she has a criminal record for being a financial predator? Does her daughter know? It's a very difficult crime to convict because of the exact circumstances surrounding your dad's case. Late-in-life second marriages are fraught with emotional complexities, especially suspicions over motives when it comes to care and financial decisions. Just encouraging you to ask more questions about winnability to your attorney.
Your original question is how do you get a cog (or neuro/psych) eval for him... if your attorney is experienced in guardianship/elder abuse cases, s/he should know how and be guiding you, not rando people from an anonymous global forum. Rules and protocols can vary by state.