My mom's Alz got really bad when she broke her hip in 2016. We have been caring for her at home since then. After an ER trip in Oct for a possible impacted bowel, she was diagnosed her with what her dr said may or may not be colon cancer. My dad also has poor health but has always balked at hiring an agency due to them being in his home. And he and mom promised each other years before that they would not put the other in a nursing home. So here we are.
He has help come in during week days but weekends and most evening are on me. I am running on empty, and her condition is fast deteriorating. Fights going to the bathroom, is very shaky and this past week has has to use the wheelchair, spits her food out, won’t drink her water, won’t sleep at night. We use Melatonin at times but she either sleeps until The next afternoon or else it has no effect at all. I’m sorry, I know this is just basic info. But I’m not sure what to do. I’m afraid for dad for what ever decision he has to decide. I am looking for advice from someone who has been there before. Oh, and he is self pay so whatever happens he will be paying out of pocket. Any advice on that would be welcome also. They are not wealthy, but was always careful with their money. Our local Agency in Aging has not been very helpful imo. I finally told him last eve that we can’t keep doing this and he agreed.
medicare will pay for hospice in home care. So, it will relieve the burden of doctors visits, and the cost of all the supplies needed for her care,
I believe you really need to see a consult with an attorney that specializes in Medicaid and elder care. You might just find that it is the best way to protect your parents financial capabilities to conserve some for your Dad. Or, you might find that it will leave him unable to be certain of paying the cost of his own care. Either way, you can’t make an informed decision without knowing how the cost of care (home or NH) will impact your Dad.
Talk to him about doing the right thing for her, being placed somewhere she can get 24/7 care, tended to by clinically trained people. By not doing this, he is being selfish and obviously not using good judgement.
I wish you the best, keep talking to him.
My mom’s case is different from yours because she was already a widow when needing care & wasn’t pulling our Dad down by staying in the home. While we spent every penny of her money to keep her home before she had to go to a nursing home, we did NOT have to make sure she had enough financial resources left for any care our Dad might need.
You’ve got a lot to think about & I know this is really tough for you & your Dad. Sending hugs your way.
However; would you consider, and could you persuade your father to consider, a hospice evaluation? An evaluation would not commit you to anything, but it would give you guidance as to where you all stand at the moment and an objective assessment of your mother's care needs.