Irrational thinking and anger. How do you deal?

My Mom died 7 years ago. Her last three years on this planet were rough. Dad did everything for her. After her death, Dad continued to live in the house they built together. He hired a cleaning lady to help out and asked friends for favors when he needed help on projects. He was still lonely, so I adopted a cat for him. He adores the cat and she him. After Mom's death, Dad decided to put my sister and my name on the house, checking and savings accounts and investments. This was his choice should anything happen to him, we could take care of him.

In the 7 years since Mom died, my sister and I have taken time off work to be with our Dad in the hospital several times. We have taken him to doctor appointments. We have picked him up to share holiday meals with us. We have interview care givers only to have him fire them the next day. We have done this because he is our father and traveling 2 hours to get to him was just what needed to be done.

About a year ago, things that Dad had given my sister and me, he suddenly wanted back. When we gave these items back, they disappeared. We came to find out he was giving the cleaning lady our Mother's china, cookware and other items. The cleaning lady was also managing his meds and making doctor appointments that required him to travel 3 to 5 hours away for medical treatment that could have been done locally. To top it all off, she was spending the night with him. Of course our Father never told us any of this was happening until after the fact. My sister and I finally drove to Dad's house, at his request, and had a "come to Jesus" meeting with the cleaning lady and her husband. Dad was hoping we could all be friends. The end result of the meeting was I told the cleaning lady to return all "gifts" from Dad. My sister and I never told her she could not continue cleaning Dad's house, but she decided to walk away and hasn't spoken to Dad in 4 months. Dad is very angry about this.

At Thanksgiving, I called and asked Dad when he would like me to pick him up to bring him down for Thanksgiving dinner. He promptly told me he was not coming. He was having Thanksgiving dinner with his cleaning lady and her family. Afterwards when I asked him how his thanksgiving dinner with his cleaning lady was, he said it was fantastic. They played games after dinner and she even made him up several dinner plates to take home with him. Needless to say, I had to bite my tongue since we do the same thing here every year and he never wants to participate in the games and he declines any meals we put together for him to take home.

At Christmas time, he did decide to allow me to pick him up and bring him down to stay for 2 days - no more. Christmas morning, as usual, he gave each grandchild $200 and told them this covered Christmas, birthdays and any other time he was expected to dole out money. He then announced to my sister and I that we were receiving nothing. Our gift was when he bought himself 2 hearing aids. He then became upset when my sister and I gave him a gift. He didn't want it.

In January, I took time off from work on two different occasions to take Dad to the doctor's. His primary physician pulled me aside and asked if Dad was still driving. I replied yes. Dad's physician has repeatedly asked him to stop driving. He refuses. So his physician completed the paper work to have Dad's license medically suspended. Dad immediately called me up screaming, "Why did I do this to him." I explained I had nothing to do with it. He then threatened me by telling me that someday I would pay.

Six months ago, Dad decided to look into an assisted living facility where he lives. My sister and I tried to get him to look down our way, but he refused. We told him we could see him more often, he could see his 4 grandchildren more often - bottom line, he refused even though we have a highly rated assisted tiered living facility 5 miles from mine and my sister's house.

Dad called my sister yesterday and told her she and I needed to come up. When my sister asked why, he said you will find out when you get here. My sister quickly responded by saying, no - what is going on. Dad started screaming at her that we had taken things from the house and we never say thank you and all we want is his money. According to Dad, he has contacted an attorney to re-write his will and remove my sister and I from everything. I'm not sure, with everything being jointly owned, if he can just take us off the house, bank accounts and investments. If he can, then we have a problem because if he ends up in the hospital again, we won't be able to take care of his finances.

Once again, I have no idea why this man is so angry. He doesn't know how old my children are. He doesn't know when anyone's birthday is & he doesn't even know how old I am. It hurts, but I can deal with it. If he goes & changes his finances and will, I'm not sure how I can help any more when he does need me.