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Gentleman has been happily married for 60 years.

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It depends .

Is he resistive to things such as bathing ?

Is the man easy going with women ? Will do what a woman asks him to do ?

Or would he respond better to a male getting him to accept care ?
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Reply to waytomisery
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My Dad had both male and female caregivers and he was much happier with the female caregivers. And especially if the caregivers were in their 50's and 60's, thus have more in common when it came to TV shows, names of actors, music, history, etc.
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Reply to freqflyer
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I'd hire a male caregiver if I were in this position. With dementia comes a strong possibility this husband will be sexually attracted to a woman caregiver. Being that you said the gentleman is happily married for 60 years leads me to believe you're looking for the answer I've given you, or for confirmation of your belief.

In many cases it DOES make a difference what gender the caregiver is! Especially when dementia is involved and Inappropriate Sexual Behavior is common.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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I have been caring for a 93 yr old gentleman for the past 11 yrs. I have been told that having a female helps the wife through each day as well as her husband. However, I would suggest hiring an older female caregiver rather than a young one due to the personal/hygene needs of the patient. Just my thoughts
Ggood luck
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Reply to Grandma217
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It really depends!
1) How big/heavy is he? (male caregivers can generally lift more)
2) What is his sexual orientation and awareness? (some are in the closet, some are misogynistic, some are grabby and/or inappropriate with one sex or the other, some have an aversion to one sex or the other)
3) Is he outgoing and personable, or shy and quiet? (personality compatibility matters)
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Reply to Questor
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I think male or female, can both do a good job, I don't see that it matters.

Ive seen a couple really nice male caregivers, there just really isn't that many, harder to find.

Good luck 😔
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Would a guy really want a woman to be wiping his deriere? Or scrubbing his scrotum? With dementia, he may like it in inappropriate ways, but as the wife I wouldn't be in favor of it. I vote for same sex aid, especially if it's a companion aid.
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Reply to Geaton777
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BurntCaregiver Jul 22, 2024
@Geaton

Absolutely they would. Homophobia is a real thing among men who are in their late 70's and early 80's.

Really it's all about the people who know this person the best to make the right decision.
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There are several factors that should be considered here. Like the man's age for example. He is from a generation where women were the nurses and men were the doctors. Nurses are the ones who did this kind of work and they aren't going to allow another man who isn't an actual doctor to go near them.

Then the man's dementia has to be considered. If he is hyper-sexual and is as Anxietynacy says in the comments 'a more sexually outspoken male' then a male caregiver is the way to go.

It pretty much comes down to the people who know the man with dementia best and who see him the most often. They would know if he'd be better served by a male of female caregiver.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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There comes a point where you realize care is more important than modesty. I think most hesitation comes crime your own feelings of modesty. For some no big deal for others it is. So each person will be different and have different needs.
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Reply to Sample
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TouchMatters Jul 30, 2024
Yes, it could be a projection - or not.
A person needs to ask themselves / process their own reactions / concerns / feelings for clarity / clarification ... it can be a life-long process - of awareness. Gena / Touch Maters
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A good caregiver will respect the dignity and privacy of the person they are caring for.
the CNA (female) that was assigned to my Husband when he was on Hospice was always very careful when she brought him from the bedroom down the hall to the bathroom (The accessible bathroom was down the hall from the main bedroom)
She would make sure he was covered with a towel or sheet. It was just the 3 of us in the house.
Giving a bed bath she always kept the portion of the body she was not cleaning covered.
The gentleman with dementia is probably not going to care or notice the gender of the person caring for him. The only problem that might occur is some people with dementia become fixated on sex and may get a little "touchy feely". Most caregivers can handle this and have ways to stop it but if it becomes an issue then asking for the same gender caregiver might be necessary. But if this has not been a problem it may never be.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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TouchMatters Jul 30, 2024
Very nice / helpful response Grandma.
And, how are you doing Ms. Grandma? Gena
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