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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You’d be asking someone to lie for you. They might not want that on their conscience.
Also, it seems very cruel to tell your mother that her child is dead, whether you think she’d understand or not. I have lost a child, and it’s a source of endless pain every day. Don’t do that to your mom.
Stop participating, back away from this toxic relationship(s), for me when I went no contact with my mother, she died in my eyes, not me, I went on to live a happy life without her in it.
I think telling your mother you died would be very upsetting to her . With every time it is said to someone with advanced memory deficits it’s like you just died , and they are devastated each time . If or when your mother’s memory gets worse she won’t remember how long it’s been since she has heard from you . I am sorry you are in this situation .
Can you tell us a bit about why Sister is forbidding you see your Mom? Do you wish to continue to see your mom? Have you tried to inlist help to see your mom, even accompanied, by, say, APS?
If your mother wishes to see you, and she is at all competent to know who you are, then she should be able to see you in this her last time on earth. You may need to inlist the help of an attorney if all else fails.
Generally when this happens there is already quite a flood of water under the bridge. Can you tell us just what happened here?
If you are now forbidden contact then nothing CAN be told mom according to your wishes, as sister is in control and can/will tell her whatever she pleases. Myself, I would start with a note to sister: Dear Sister: You and I have had a lot of trouble and disagreement, and I want to tell you only I am sorry for my part in it and I want now only peace for Mom's last days. I am so thankful she is in your loving care. Can you please allow me to make brief visits to mom? I am happy for them to be in your presence and happy to obey any restrictions you wish to put upon me. Should you not wish to communicate with you in future I will absolutely honor your wishes. But could you allow me only brief visits to mom. Meanwhile please do let me know ways in which I can possibly help you. I am glad to be your personal shopper, or whatever may help. Again I am sorry for anything I have contributed to the breach between us, and I want only peace and love for our mom. Love, Jac You know, you have nothing there to lose. And can make decisions if she says no, about what to do next. I am so sorry. Siblings at war is a bit of a pet peeve of mine; it tears our vulnerable senior to shreds during their weakest time. My best wishes out to you.
Since you put your question under the Alzheimer's/dementia category, I'll assume your mom has AD/Dementia. If you are going to ask someone to tell your mother you died, why not ask that person to tell mom you LOVE her very much and would very much like to VISIT her instead. Perhaps that info will be relayed to the sister you're in a feud with, and she will allow a visit.
You give no background info. Is Mom competent? If so, a POA is not even in effect as long as Mom is capable of making her own decisions. The POA does not have the right to keep another sibling away if they pose no threat to the parent, IMO. Financial POA is just that, she handles Moms finances. Medical, she carries out Moms wishes when she is no longer competent. But, they should not allow how they feel about a sibling to interfere with a parent seeing a child.
All you can do here is consult with a lawyer to see what rights u have. If you have no money, there is Legal Aid.
I’m sorry that this has happened in your family. It must be devastating for you.
We have no idea what caused your sister to feel this way. We don’t know much about your mother’s situation. So, I am not going to speculate about what is going on here.
Your hands are tied here since your sister has POA and she has the authority to make decisions about what is best for your mom. I don’t know if this can be challenged, since we don’t have any details about your particular situation.
I can’t see how it would make sense to tell your mother that you have died. Why would you want to do this and cause grief for your mom?
This is between you and your sister. I certainly hope that one day you will be able to resolve this issue so that your family can live together in harmony.
What have you done so far to help resolve this situation? Have you spoken with your sister? Written a letter to her? Has your relationship always been strained or were you once a close knit family?
Wishing you peace during this time of uncertainty.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Also, it seems very cruel to tell your mother that her child is dead, whether you think she’d understand or not. I have lost a child, and it’s a source of endless pain every day. Don’t do that to your mom.
Sending support your way, I get it!
I am sorry you are in this situation .
You do not go into detail as to why your sister is doing this
If you could explain a bit more as to why the situation is like it is you might get more helpful answers.
Seeing a lawyer and asking for a court hearing to have a judge order visits would be expensive and may be futile without knowing what is going on.
Do you wish to continue to see your mom?
Have you tried to inlist help to see your mom, even accompanied, by, say, APS?
If your mother wishes to see you, and she is at all competent to know who you are, then she should be able to see you in this her last time on earth. You may need to inlist the help of an attorney if all else fails.
Generally when this happens there is already quite a flood of water under the bridge.
Can you tell us just what happened here?
If you are now forbidden contact then nothing CAN be told mom according to your wishes, as sister is in control and can/will tell her whatever she pleases.
Myself, I would start with a note to sister:
Dear Sister:
You and I have had a lot of trouble and disagreement, and I want to tell you only I am sorry for my part in it and I want now only peace for Mom's last days. I am so thankful she is in your loving care.
Can you please allow me to make brief visits to mom? I am happy for them to be in your presence and happy to obey any restrictions you wish to put upon me. Should you not wish to communicate with you in future I will absolutely honor your wishes. But could you allow me only brief visits to mom.
Meanwhile please do let me know ways in which I can possibly help you. I am glad to be your personal shopper, or whatever may help.
Again I am sorry for anything I have contributed to the breach between us, and I want only peace and love for our mom.
Love, Jac
You know, you have nothing there to lose.
And can make decisions if she says no, about what to do next.
I am so sorry. Siblings at war is a bit of a pet peeve of mine; it tears our vulnerable senior to shreds during their weakest time.
My best wishes out to you.
All you can do here is consult with a lawyer to see what rights u have. If you have no money, there is Legal Aid.
We have no idea what caused your sister to feel this way. We don’t know much about your mother’s situation. So, I am not going to speculate about what is going on here.
Your hands are tied here since your sister has POA and she has the authority to make decisions about what is best for your mom. I don’t know if this can be challenged, since we don’t have any details about your particular situation.
I can’t see how it would make sense to tell your mother that you have died. Why would you want to do this and cause grief for your mom?
This is between you and your sister. I certainly hope that one day you will be able to resolve this issue so that your family can live together in harmony.
What have you done so far to help resolve this situation? Have you spoken with your sister? Written a letter to her? Has your relationship always been strained or were you once a close knit family?
Wishing you peace during this time of uncertainty.