Follow
Share

My siblings live out of state and do not help with the caregiving at all. Mom has income and has lived with me for over a year. Out of no where my brother is asking me about Mom's finances and wants to know how much she gives me each month.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
melcur, who is the financial Power of Attorney for your Mom? If it is your brother, then he does have a right to ask about Mom's finances. He needs to keep track of her expenses.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I am the POA and I have given him all of the information about her income and finances except what she gives me each month.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

From what you've said, the answer is a hard no. Not his business. You have POA, you're doing all the work. If he wants to trade places with you, invite him to do just that.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Why does your brother need to know this?

Just because someone asks you a question doesn’t mean that you have to answer it. You can answer with, ‘That’s none of your concern.’ He doesn’t have to know the dollar amount that your mom is paying.

Or you can ask him why he is inquiring about what she is paying? There are additional expenses if someone moves into our home. Surely, he knows this. It seems like he is just being nosy.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Tell him you assume he’d like to contribute.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you for the advice everyone! It is most helpful and it helps to know I come here to get my questions answered. :)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Why do you want to know Brother?
Are you worried that Mom is not paying a fair rent amount? That either one of us is being exploited by the other?

Politely said of course.. The exact dollar amount doesn't concern you...but I'm charging a fair amount (if you are of course!). An amount reasonable to charge family: more than zero of course but less than market rate.

Thanks for your concern Brother.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

None of their beeswax. I only got 500/mo from my mother as I knew she was saving for the inevitable anyway so it would wash out one way or the other (and that was also her average expenses in independent living minus food, I was fPOA, dPOA, executor, etc). And 500 was room, board, 24/7 care. As a carer is something like 36$/hr, brother can blow it out of his ear. Politely of course and please have/get durable POA if family is going to be crappy about it. <3
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Your mother doesn't "give you" anything.

Your mother pays rent each month. I trust she is also paying you for caregiving and that you've set up these payments properly after taking advice from an Elder Law attorney.

AND that mom has all her end of life documents in order.

I assume that your brother believes that mother should be afforded the dignity of paying her own way.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Are you POA? If not, it is a great mistake not to get that done at this point.
Does your Mom have dementia? If she does it is too late to do a POA and it is too late for her to make an agreement with you regarding payment.
If you are receiving pay to take care of your mother your brother can file with APS to accuse you of elder abuse and of taking your Mom's money.
If you are living with and caring for your mother and she wishes to pay you for said care you would be better to have a "shared expenses" agreement drawn up with an elder care attorney rather than her paying you. If she pays you you have to declare this as income with the IRS.
So all of this is to say if you have a greedy and angry and accusatory sibling causing trouble you need FOR YOUR OWN SAKE to have your T's crossed and your I's dotted. He can come at you with an attorney and he can cause trouble. He can try to get guardianship of your Mom and etc.
Take care of things and make certain they are legally done. And best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter