Is it normal for people with dementia to suddenly be obsessed with sex chatting sites etc?

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Is it normal for people with dementia to suddenly be obsessed with sex chatting sites etc?

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My 71 year old husband is suddenly obsessed with sex chat sites. He tried to charge hundreds of dollars to these sites. He even tried to make arrangements to meet a woman for sex. Fortunately the bank denied the charges and notified me. This is totally not my husband. We’ve been married 53 years. I’ve never had a reason to doubt his fidelity. Anyone else experience anything like this with their loved one who has dementia?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Dementia Behaviors Sex

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My husband's uncle developed cancer of the brain. As it progressed and he became bedridden, he would try to take off his diaper, regardless of who was in the room with him. Once I was helping the hired caregiver roll him over, and he overtly stared down the front of my T-shirt. I said, "Uncle Gene, are you sneaking a peek at my boobs?" and he giggled like a ten year old. I told him, "That's okay, you look if you want!"

Now this was a true gentleman, who respected women his whole life, and would never have looked down anyone's top, and especially not a family member! But the cancer had affected his brain. He would have been mortified if he was in his right mind. But he wasn't and I knew it. I still laugh about this episode, because it was so completely out of character for him.

Now if he had been running up credit card debt, that would have been a whole different subject! But sometimes you have to look for the humor in a situation to keep from getting bogged down in the difficulty of the daily realities.

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Yes, dementia can sometimes manifest hyper-sexual behavior. Talk to his doctor to adjust his medication.

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I don't know it this is the case but check the side effects on your husband's meds. surprisingly several of them have side effects like excessive gambling and sexually related behaviors. This may be the cause especially since you said the change in behavior was sudden.

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Imho, your husband does not have the mental wherewithal to be "normal" as he has a broken brain. This is ISB.

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That is common. Just ask any nursing home or AL staff! I had to put a password on on PC and turn it off in the evening to keep him from accessing inappropriate content after receiving email from Russian woman!!

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I think it is human nature for everyone to think about sex alot. Not just those with dementia But when we have our full cognitive capabilities, we know not to act on it all the time.

People with dementia dont have that inhibition Its like when people get drunk they tend to act more inappropriately on a sexual level.

My own dad was a fairly prim religious guy. After he had ALZ the things he said would make us laugh. I guess he never did things like your husband.

A home bath aid came to the house and said Richard, I am going to have to ask you to take your clothes off. My dad said, only if you take off yours first. We all laughed and I apologized to to the aid, but she also thought it funny and was used to it. He would have never said anything like that before.

Also, and kind of straying here and I dont promote myself as a professional of any kind in this area. I have read many places where people in general get older the sexual drive can get much higher, as the desire to reproduce before you die gets higher. I know thats Freudian sounding, and I dont know if its true or not, but have read it many times.

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Yrs, in many cases it is normal. Talk with his doctor to get medication to reduce his urge. It will take a few days to up to a month or two to get the appropriate dose, but, it will be the best thing.

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Like ZippyZee said early on, it's called Inappropriate Sexual Behavior or ISB and happens quite a bit with dementia and Alzheimer's. There are medications his doctor can prescribe to calm down his libido especially if he becomes aggressive with YOU and expecting lots of sex, or forcing himself on you. We see that quite often here. If his doctor has never heard of ISB, find a new doctor who's well versed with dementia.

Good luck!

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my father had dementia and one of the stages he went thru was he wanted my mother to "help" him masturbate which they had not done in 40 years (he was 90). she said he would work for awhile and then fall asleep.........i guess its just one of those things. is there anyway you can put a block on sites that would be considred R or X rated. I know you can do that when kids are on computers because I did it and it won't let them access anything that is bad. wishing you good luck.

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Hello & I will try to help you understand your husbands behavior.....first I suggest you throw the word NORMAL out the window and in its place use typical BECAUSE there is no such thing as norma lbased on the billions of people! There is typical. example , a parent asks a dr " is it normal for a 12 month old not to be walking, a pediatrician might reply no that is not NORMAL and the first time parents FREAKS OUT! If the dr says typically a baby may walk at 12 moths BUT it VARIES & this is NOT a problem! See the difference!

This is not typical but focusing on 1 or 2 or 3 topics or behaviors or actions may happen. Take him to your/his doctor and consult with a Psychologist as well! You can also put guards to remove his accessibility to these sites. Also try many different topics, using pictures or his life experiences such as areas related to his childhood, or work or Military Service , animals, pets......you can google my email and contact me for further help. Dr Jack Grenan PhD

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This isn't about fidelity, it is about dementia.
I believe it is 'normal' for everyone so inclined.
Please tell us why you are asking the question - - - as I believe you are concerned about how YOU feel and how you feel about the relationship of 53 years. Are you feeling hurt? abandoned? disappointed? Expressing how you feel will likely help you receive responses to support you.

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Deventually makes people do an act all kinds of ways. You just need to keep reminding yourself it's not them, it's the disease.
You should set the computer where he can't get on the site. You should also cancel his credit card where he isn't able to charge anything.

My 96 yr old Dad with dementia started masterbating continously and am having trouble with the Caregivers because they don't like it.

Prayers

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if he was able to do that at age 96 yo I think we all need to be impressed.

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Yes. Dementia or Alzheimers patients can suddenly become hypersexual if certain parts of their brain are affected.

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My husband with dementia does exactly the same thing and assures me it’s not about me. Weird symptom! I keep deleting emails from the porn sites. Fortunately, he is no longer adept enough to see and respond to them himself. I’ll have to watch more carefully for unexpected charges. Thanks for the warning!

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I believe you can put a lock or something on website entering - ? Or change his password.

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There are articles about hypersexuality and dementia on this website.

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My dad began going on porn sites and of course his computer was being compromised with malware etc. he began having spam attacks and all kinds of issues. Finally I got his computer and had a person who knew how to change it so I was the administrator with password protection and we added parental control tools so that certain search words would be blocked. Also downloaded Malwarebytes so I could do occasional scans for malware. This really helped. He would complain he couldn’t always pull up a site so I knew it was working. As he progressed further and was in LTC, he would make sexually inappropriate comments to staff. To say the least, they said they’ve heard it all from many residents.

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I love Malwarebytes. I had a lot of problems with my current computer and every time I talked to a tech person, they would have me run it. The problem wasn't malware but I decided since so many tech people used it, I purchased a copy for myself. It isn't expensive and well worth the money.

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Maybe you should lock up your computer so he does not have access to it. One of these days he will get arrested for soliciting if you don't. If that is not the feasible, try this:

Here is a way to block adult sites:
https://www.wikihow.com/Block-Adult-Sites

You need to take total control of banking matters and not allow your husband access. Talk to the bank.

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Yes. My 89 year old mom with vascular dementia talked endlessly about how all the "boys" at the facility would fight over her. They all wanted to sleep with her. Normally she had been modest and reserved. Jarring for me at first, but at least it was more pleasant than when she kept saying how the staff was trying to kill her. Dementia sucks, but what can you do?

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The next thing might be that she thinks the staff want to kill her because they are jealous of all the attention she is getting from the "boys"!

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So thankful my 87 year old Mom has never learned how to use the computer.

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Yes. My Father, who was 88, thought he was 13 yrs old. Girl crazy. Would chase anyone female and wanted to ask them out. I told him he was married. He thought my Mother, his wife was HIS Mother! Kinda of funny, kinda not. Dementia is f-ed up.

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Apparently yes; cognitive issues impact the affected person's ability to control impulses. My dad used to be very shy and reserved until his radiation therapy for a frontal lobe meningioma. After treatment, and cognitive issues arising from said treatment and other medical issues I was forced to move him into an AL MC. At the AL he became a lean, mean love machine. 1 year, 2 girlfriends later he decided to up the steaks and hit on his Physical Therapist.

As Zippy and MAC above mentioned, please do not take it personally, it is beyond their control, it is the illness talking and acting.

Best wishes.

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My husband is 73. He got a crush on one of his nurses. I told him she was married and she was young enough to be his granddaughter.
I know this isn’t the same thing but I told her about it. She talked to him about me being his wife. He gave her the “ evil” for a long time.
You can block the sites if he’s on a computer. Also you can put a block on phone calls.
I don’t know how to do it but you can call your phone company and they can talk you through it

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Just for interest, I read a biography of a woman whose mother ran four ‘sex chat’ sites with different mobile phone numbers. Mother was obese, unpleasant and over 60. Partner was in the room while it all went on – said ‘She was doing it when I met her, and she makes a reasonable income from it’. Probably not quite what most guys are imagining!

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I suspect that is what most writers of erotica look like.

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Sadly, sexual obsession is very common among men, and not uncommon among women with dementia.
There are different types of programs that can be downloaded on a computer that restrict access to certain kinds of websites and social media. Sort of like parental locks put on a tv that restrict certain channels from being viewed, but for internet access.
Different places like Best Buy or some other electronics retailer can help you to install something like this.

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Good answers. Protect yourself and him, best you can. He is meeting hustlers on line that you do not want in your life. His symptoms are not unusual, are not character based, he is ill. I would need advice myself to curtail computer contacts and financial vulnerability for him and myself. Do you have people like that in your life? If not, p
ossibilities are the agency on aging around you, your bank, the police dept (they see a lot of online scams), one of the tech resources i.e. Best Buy's computer consultants. Good luck.

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Dementia can cause damage to different areas of the brain. He appears to have problems with controlling impulsive urges. This is very common with damage to certain parts of the brain. A few suggestions

1 - Change passwords to logon to computers and websites.

2 - Tell him your bank accounts have been "hacked". The "bank" (you) will send new cards (reloadable gift card that looks like a credit card). Destroy his cards and keep your bank info and credit/debit card(s) under lock and key.

3 - Talk to his doctor about his impulse control issues. His primary care doctor may make a referral to a neurologist for evaluation and treatment,

4 - Limit all sexually stimulating inputs to things that revolve around you.

5 - Praying for you!

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I hate to say this is music to my ears but....this is music to my ears. My husband is 86, I am 68. Almost a year ago I discovered that my husband was privately messaging the women who followed him on Twitter and frequenting soft porn sites on Facebook. After a couple arguments about this he declared he had gotten off Twitter because he was getting into too much trouble but after a peek at his phone I saw he had created both a Hangouts and WhatsApp sites with all those same women on them (including porn stars). He's continued with Twitter and although we don't follow each other I can see his activity which is really over the top making inappropriate comments to women. Out of curiosity I created two fake women profiles and started following him. I WAS SORRY I DID THAT. It was total sexting and he would text them when he got up at night to use the BR....it was pretty close to stalking. Sometimes he shares these things with me and claims there have been at least 100 women (all in the age group of 25 to 30) who have all asked for "cards" and when he turns them down he loses them as a "friend." He actually calls them friends. One really good "friend" has now received $720 from him because she was stuck in Africa. Obviously he discussed this with me. But he believes each and every sob story he has heard and feels guilty that he's not helping them. He tells me I'm too suspicious and jealous. Only recently have I realized that I can't talk about this subject with any rationality because he gets so defensive that he has talked about divorce on several occasions. I appreciated someone saying "don't take it personally" but it really is hard. I know that someone could sit down and chat with my husband and think he's perfectly fine. I'm on anti-anxiety meds but feel like I'm getting an ulcer! I'm sorry, all I did is vent; I don't have an answer but consider myself a kindred spirit :(

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Wow. He's been suckered, multiple times!

"One really good "friend" has now received $720 from him because she was stuck in Africa."

Is this an equivalent to the Nigerian Prince? She's the Nigerian Princess, Rapunzel, stuck in the tower?

Is there any way to take away all Credit Cards from him, so he can't "send" money to these poor "damsels" (likely men or boys really!)?

Interesting that "when he turns them down he loses them as a "friend."" Doesn't seem to dawn on him that this is all they really wanted, $$$? Even with dementia you'd think something like that would be more of a long term memory - people with hand out who get something are your "friend", but no more hand outs, bye bye!

Also, if he has documented dementia and IF you have POA, can you possibly freeze his credit, so he can't open another credit card? Also, if you can get your hands on his phone, maybe remove the "play store", so he can't add any more apps and remove those he has?

The good news is Hangouts IS going away. It was supposed to be gone a while ago, but it's still "usable". More often than not, it crashes on my PC and I have to open it again. There is another tool to replace it, and one can move their history over, but I haven't done it yet.

(before hitting Post Reply, I did read your profile.. Yikes! Definite burnout. No mention of dementia, but seriously, he's likely at least in the early stages.)

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My mom, 95 yrs. old, with dementia, suddenly started touching herself "inappropriately" when she thought no one was around and it was hugely embarrassing to anyone who caught her at it. The nurses said this was very common and gave her medication to reduce this behavior. We had tried talking to her before putting her on medication, but it didn't help. Medicine worked.

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Nothing inappropriate about that if no one's around imo. Elders have the urges we all do.

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I think you should be asking if it is “common”
My Husband never did. Totally opposite for him he wanted no intimate contact. I could give him a hug but he would not hug back.
I could give him a kiss when I left the house and when I returned and he would give me a kiss but he would not initiate the kiss. And we are talking a quick kiss not a deep loving kiss. But that was him.
I have heard others in support groups I have been in and they have also experienced spouses with heightened libidos.
Do not doubt his fidelity. This is the broken brain at work not him. Try to see if you can put “parental controls” in effect on the computer and I would also block his use of credit cards.

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Thank you for your comment. My husband and I have been married less than 6 years. I didn’t know he had dementia. Before we got married he was very loving and after we got married he changed. He no longer kissed unless I initiate it. So I quit.
I had a friend tell me that he might have dementia but when I talked to people they said no that’s how he is. This was when we had first met. To be honest I wish I had listened to my friend and ran.

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Super common. Called Inappropriate Sexual Behavior. Don't take it personally.

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Is it normal for people with dementia to suddenly be obsessed with sex chatting sites etc?

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